Stop, is it Hammertime?

Day 19

Number of coffees I have had today:
4

Things I have done a lot of this week:
~ Spilled water or liquid (most likely coffee) whilst taking an enthusiastic gulp
~ Slid into my car with a little 'flump' and a great sense of satisfaction

OK! So I just literally JUST THEN experienced the whole 'water dribbling down the sides of my mouth, down my throat and into my VEST where my bare skin is hidden but somehow now prone to the elemental attack' situation, AND THEN, straight after that, or maybe during, I realised why my brain has been flat as a hat under an elephant's backside. Mercury Retrograde. I say no more.
THANK you.

THEN, I happened to read my horoscope and came face bang into myself right down to the core.  And I'm not talking 'airy fairy You Will Find Love Today But Drop Your Ice Cream Onto A Toddler's Shoe And Make Them Cry' horoscope - even though that does sound like a really cool experience and one hell of an artistic horoscope writer- no, I'm taking 'You Are A Taurus, Here Are Your Qualities That You Have Forgotten You Ever Had, You Are An Amazing Star And You Will Shine, But First Eat Some Chocolate Mousse And Take Off That Lump-Suit Please' kind of horoscope.

Like that feeling when you read something and want to scream YES!!!! while wishing that exclamation marks were real and could be used to place neatly atop the head so everyone around you knew that something amazingly significant was happening to you. They could clap. You would receive little 'Well Done!'s and 'So glad you are having this time!'s, and maybe even 'Here's a chocolate heart and a daffodil to reward your efforts of life so far's... Who would deny me my rightful place in the limelight? 

So then, naturally, I did the gulp, spill, wipe, fuck my life kind of manovure because I really hate when water dribbles down my chin and neck. It's the worst feeling, like wet hair on the back of the neck after a shower or after someone has squirted you a thousand times with a super soaker. It might have been fun at the time, but the feeling of being half dry is like stepping in a small water spot on the floor so you must change the sock due to the icky wet patch.
God damn that icky wet patch. God damn all the icky wet patches, you will get yours. One day.

And so! I did the gulping spillage dramatics because I had this revelation of life goals and the realisation that everything revolves around the planets. I must become one with the solar system, the star signs, the gardening by the moon, bathing naked in the ocean, meditation to mother earth and the sun god the moon god the harvest god, I must bake natural bread from scratch, make pasta and apple pies from scratch, have a sugar bowl and a heavy cooker pot for stews. I have never in my life cooked a stew. Fuck I'm hungry. Like motherfucking starving. 

I found a wrapped half of a cheese block in the back of my fridge today and my first thought was 'FUCK, more cheese', which is blaspheme I know! Believe me, I know how religious the cheese experience can be, and I must atone for my sinful thinking ways, but, like, come on. I don't need more of a product I already have, unless it's yoghurt. I am SO SICK OF CHEESE.
*Praying in the corner with rosary beads and a bible and a cross and whatever else is used to banish ungodly behaviour.

Okay!
So Another Thing to add to my above list is: 
~ Read atrocious stories of how vile and cruel humans can be to each other. If I have to read ONE MORE story on child rape, or torture, or pimping out a daughter for money, or forcing animals to live in painful and cold conditions, or unjust murder, or drunk driving death tolls, or hear the word victims, I will start smashing things with a mallet the size of my head and I will take my rage and the injustice of all that is in this world with me as I walk the streets for hours, for days, for MONTHS, until I find every single person who has ever committed or has thought, is thinking, will think, about a crime and I will unleash my fury like a hellish tornado.
CAN WE ALL just live and let live, and not fucking evil up the world with unnecessary filth? Like, seriously, WHY is that SO HARD?? I cannot understand.

I repeat the phrase: 'trust in the process, have faith in the journey' but I have long ago abandoned the thought of God and every time I catch a snippet of news anywhere, it weakens my faith in humanity and my own purpose in this world. I understand there are good people, too. I try and understand that there needs to be darkness so there can be light, and about balance, and harmony of all things, but at the moment I find sleeping hard because there is no greater burden than being alone with your unresolved horrid thoughts, and the constant flash of articles and images racing though your mind.

A lot of these stories are found on Pinterest and Facebook! I haven't watched the news for about five years now and I actually feel better for it. I see it at work or at somebody's house occasionally, I hear about the important things like natural disasters and electricity prices etc, but I have yet to actually finish up a week's worth of news-watching and skip gaily down my street in a short skirt and tank top at midnight and feel completely safe, and not as if I was about to either get raped, kidnapped, shot at, attacked by clowns, run down by a car- either a drunk or on purpose out of road-rage- mugged, insulted, and etc. And I live in a fairly decent area.

~ 💖 ~

We must move forwards with love in our hearts, courage in our situation, faith in ourselves, and peace in every moment. We must look for these things because they may not be within us! I have shied away from the ugly things in life even though I know I must look them in the face and say 'I acknowledge you and I am ready to do this fight, no matter how hard'. Once I have accepted that I am not responsible for these atrocities, I can gather myself and spread love where ever I go, I can be kind and helpful and a good human so that if I should encounter a grueling time myself, I can move through it and hopefully out the other side with strength and bravery. The media wants us to be scared as a means of control, and I REFUSE.

(It's the Mercury, I tell you. The Mercury.)

Ok! Now that's out of the way, I can declare once again that it has been a No Spend day in the Cerri residence!! #Lifegoals!
I was supposed to cook rice or pasta today, but after work I ended up watching Snatched (Ha! The irony!), which was actually surprisingly hilarious. Then I plugged myself into the World Wide Web for about five hours before remembering I had plans to finish knitting my beanie, which I will now have to do tomorrow. I am almost up to the 'decrease' part and feeling pretty darn good about myself right now ^__^.  Even though it's too long because apparently I can't measure 4 inches so have consequently done too many rows, but what the hey! I will wear it nonetheless.

Waiting patiently for Thursday, when I can finally have the 19.20 (or just actually go to the shops with money) for my grocery trip. I know I said Evanesco! to the above budget because it was 'bloody rubbish!' (and it was), but I really like waiting until payday to do my shopping and I spent some random money last week on non-essential items so I feel it's only fair.

Au Revoir!

☼Stay strong!  ☼Eat cake!  ☼Take a nap!   ☼Play the fiddle!