Who do we call at the edge of night?

Ok! I am sitting!
There is never a greater time to be alive than when you have fresh hot coffee in your favourite mug, sunshine streaming in all the windows, birds frolicking around in the backyard, and your aching feet are resting upon a medium sized box filled with plastic bags.
I am a queen.
(Not really. Though if I were a queen, I would be in the know about all this 'lizard people' stuff, and, consequently, immortal, so my reign would be supreme but also highly terrifying)
Or maybe I'd just watch myself drift away without further thought.

At The Moment
~ Coffee I am drinking: Nescafe Gold greenblend 2 mild
~ Songs I am listening to: the bloodhound gang, Amy Shark- I swear someone is crawling around in my roof. I feel like we had a possum, and now we just have one mouse that wakes me up at random times with it's chewing, but I still wonder if an actual person can climb up into my roof, seeing as we live in one of those courtyard maisonette homes where two small houses share one roof. -- Well I just googled it and it looks like the front of the house is connected, which is alarming because that's where our manhole is. ANYWAY

For those of you who want all the afflictions that artificial colouring, preservatives, flavours, enhancers, and possibly remnants of human have to offer, then waltz on in to your local supermarket and purchase the fruit and nut m&m block of chocolate. You will not be sorry.

I NEED NEW SONGS PEOPLE. Amy Shark is the closest I have come to finding something that doesn't remind me of anything in my 20s. That's right, I am the big 30. As much as I love to keep the public (all two of you ^__^) guessing, I will come clean and say that for a 30 year old, my life is quite a fantasy. That is: I fantasise about a different reality, haw haw haw!

Today I went grocery shopping and some things happened in a particular order. I thought to myself 'Jesus, how tired can you get? And why are you out doing your shopping when the kids will come out of school and bombard you like the impossibly haggardish old crone that you are??' and then I replied with 'Hey, chill out, it's all goooood, ride the wave of bliss man, peace out, love to your mother', so of course I was like 'HOW DO YOU KNOW MY MOTHER?? EXPLAIN YOURSELF!' to which I responded with in heavy disdain, 'Woman, y'all know I'm you. Quit playin and buy that damn cheeseburger.'
Which, all things considered, is quite racist of me.

THEN, I ambled aimlessly down the aisles as kids poured in and women rushed past looking well-presented while their teenagers dawdled behind playing games on their phones, shrugging away greasy hair and staring around the place at people who they thought weren't looking at them.
I chucked in a few things. I stayed a painfully long time at the meat section for someone who had raved about becoming a vegan, I wondered what to do about dinner what with buying a pasta sauce or a curry sauce or God Forbid making one from scratch, I meandered on past the frozen pizza section, I momentarily lost an entire shelf section of an aisle until I realised I had my back to it while I was looking at the instant noodles and had to make my way back to it from the other end of the store.. All this happened, and much much more.
I wanted to buy another coconut shampoo because my hair is kind of dry looking, so I weighed up all the shampoos [WHY are there so many?? How different can they all be?] and settled on the ogx brand called Extra Strength damage ready plus coconut miracle oil. Good lord this coffee just got 73% more shit since I started drinking it.
So I was really excited to try out this shampoo and conditioner! What a time to be alive when shampoo arouses a sense of enjoyment. But nonetheless, as soon as I went back to my usual shopping I was hit with buyers anxiety. It's all like 'WHAT YOU BUYIN EXPENSIVE SHAMPS GURL? HALF PRICE?? WHATEVS, JUST USE LEMON AND BAKING SODA LIKE US NORMS' and by 'norms' this clearly 'as opposite to Cerri as anyone can get' spokesgirl for my own personal anxiety actually means 'cheapass broke bitches'.
As much as I love the smell of the 1.99 shampoo, I've reached a time in my life where things must change.

So after paying almost one hundred dollars for collective foodstuffs and beauty care products, I carried my anxiety out of that shop and as I was walking to my car I noticed a tall man wandering in with only half a mustache. It was all dark, long, and dangling in a way that made it impossible not to stare on one side, while completely shaven with maybe one hour of growth stubble forming on the other.
This led me to think about males as an entire gender, and let me tell you, nothing good came from viewing that half mustache. It is an abomination, and if there were such a thing as a time machine I would HOP IN ONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Ok, now to crack open this tightly wound shell (or peel it, maybe, seeing as it's a shell, and why hammer full-blow first off when you can gently maneuver your prize over a length of time using an array of skill and objects..?) AND THAT IS:

You can't really look into the ugliness of the world. When it stares back at you, unblinking, unflinching, unwilling to cease, you have no choice but to stay awake and drown in your overlapping guilt/shame/fragility. You fear the dark because bad things happen in the dark. You fear closed doors, isolation, the quiet, the news, the cold hard truth.

Or do you?
'Gurl, you better not be messin'. You know Shaniqua gon come up dere and whoop yo ass '.
Or some such.
IT HAS BECOME ALARMINGLY APPARENT that my inner voice is somehow much sassier than I and also, somehow, from the 'hood.

In other news, I am growing an onion from sprout.

~ And so, in conclusion, upon returning home I found a chocolate stain on my pants, and because of the nature of my work, I had to bend down and smell it just to make sure it that it was, indeed, just chocolate. I think this pretty much sums up my life.

Just Chocolate: the brand you don't have to sniff!

But Also
* It's a darn shame you can't just erase half a month, or an entire month, or, like, a situation in which you read an article that upends your entire world so you end up sitting on your bed all night with an over-sized sword, a hairdryer, two packets of matchsticks, and a jar of blutack, just basically waiting for nothing. --Because I feel that the past two months of my life have been the most unproductive waste of time I have ever had the displeasure of being involved in, and seeing as I am the only one to blame in this scenario, I therefore also have deep levels of self-annoy that seems to be rising every day this scenario continues.

* I am a plant queen. Or should that be kween?

* I want to get up close to people, look them real in the face, grab their shoulders, shake them, and say 'do you not SEE what is happening??'

* ~Also, I'd like to do that ol science stuff so I can see what floats around in people's minds. How, exactly, do they go through life in this haze of ignorance?
*~~ But also though, HAVE YOU WATCHED THE HUMUNGKULOUS(cannot spell it, will not search it, so that's just how it sounds)VIDEOS THAT SOME CRAZY RUSSIAN DUDE IS PUTTING UP? It involves him combining his semen with a chicken egg embryo (??) and growing one starfish monster with some sort of eye and another globular monster with a tongue, that end up moving together while sitting in the same tank, and forming.
~Forming
~Together
~As. One.

* [deep breath] CONFESSION: I might have sliced a pineapple top off a pineapple, right, and then twisted it off that base to reveal the roots, ok, then plucked out some of the lower leaves, you feel, all in preparation to plant it- having established that I am now a kween- to grow more, BUT THEN, realised I had no potting mix to plant it in.
TL;DR: I disrobed (or skinned alive) a pineapple and feel highly disturbed because of it.

* After re-watching Borad City for the thousandth time because it does certain things to my soul that shall remain unnamed, I have moved on to Shadowhunters, which also does certain things to my soul in entirely different ways, even thought being a little lame on the script and acting side but heavy on the visuals and action.


[#] This has once again been a broadcast of the Cerri kind with only one message and that is: OR DID IT? Stay tuned for more upright sleeping and dish wash doing!



I lie half awake thinking what's it going to take
Trying to catch myself before I fall, but it's a little too late

What colour is the flamingo?

~ Things I have done in life recently~

+ Almost choked to DEATH on a single vitamin C tablet but was literally brought back to life by bae
+ Read a disturbing article that disturbed me in so many hideous ways about the nature of people that I didn't sleep for an entire week
+ Bought an amazing dress that makes me feel like actual Cinderella
+ Cooked some delicious meals and wondered if I should, in all fairness, start up my own restaurant
+ --foods cooked being: creamy parmesan and chicken with spinach on rice, and a type of oniony garlicky chickeny wrap with salad
+ Pondered a career change
+ Painted a caticorn
+ Started knitting a beanie
+ Put on one kilo
+ Ran around the block once, past a nice african couple who said 'Hi', to which I replied 'Hey, how's it going?' to which they replied 'We're good how are you?' to which I then puffed 'Hot!' followed by a rather manic and breathless cackle
+ Ate TWO slabs of the creamiest, sexiest, fucken tiramisu money can buy on two separate occasions
+ Attended a high school formal just for the fun of it
+ Stubbed my badly-healed mildly-fractured toe whilst running all my millions of plants outside to experience some halfassed sunshine
+ Spent 52.89 on three bird statues and two toadstool statues, for no reason other than how fkn cute are bird statues? They always look pleasantly curious
+ Really thought about things
+ Imagined a baby wearing tiny earmuffs
+ Decided to go vegan, but never did
+ Ordered food at a fast food place and realised halfway through that a GIANT MOTHERFKG SPIDER was sitting IN the menu board
+ Cleaned everything
+ Planned out my entire life on paper, which may or may not be a bit sad
+ Read The Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling and was, once again, disturbed beyond measure at the cruel and disgusting things humans do
+ Yawned while sitting in a burlesque club only to have a large guy ask me why I'm so tired
+ -- and all I had to say was:

[💝] Amy Shark, I SAID HI [💝]



~That song pretty much sums up my life at the moment