How many times should you say Banana in one sentence?

It's almost Spring!
Last week I cleaned out my entire car so now every time I jump in and glance at the super shiny dashboard/steering wheel/gear change console, I think: 'Whoa! Shit! Who's car is this?' Then I remember and drive away laughing manically at how amazing I am.
What a time.
^_^v.

I also moved around half my bedroom furniture and it is IN-SANE how big and clean and modern it looks now, I almost don't even feel the need to buy beautiful bookshelves or the actual storage I need. Every time I walk in I experience that calm zen feeling of utter bliss. Then it immediately fizzes out when I glance at my paper pile. The dreaded Paper Pile. *Shudder* The pile the I will get-to-one-day.
Stares out at the horizon. Oh, there's one day! Just past that sunset! Great, I'm saved! No pile sorting for me in the near future! Hoohoo!
But the funny thing is, is that I did sort all my papers around April of this year. I bought four ring folders and millions of plastic sheets from the heavenly Office Works, making sure to walk through each aisle and inhale the scent of newness, run my undeserving fingers along stiff notebooks with pretty covers and promises of endless dream making on their blank pages inside, whisper declarations of love to the ample supply of every pen and highlighter and pencil you could ever want in every colour and more, stare longingly at the stationary section because I DO need three types of rulers, a mathematics calculator, sticky notes shaped like hearts, and scrapbook kit for that scrapbook that I haven't even thought of making but someday definitely will. I NEED IT ALL!!
Like Pokemon, but better because I don't have use straining effort to catch them or name them all (although I most certainly will) or worry about getting attacked by enemies or finding out that a crazy pair of thieves with amusing over-the-top laughs and matching baseball caps have just taken my prized butterfly paperclip and is holding it hostage.

So cleaning the paper pile will go to the top of my to do list for possibly next week, when I have an endless supply of free time due to my No Spend September.
Yes!
The challenge is almost upon me!
My month of no spending outside of the essentials, and I gotta say, I'm kind of nervous. I don't spend much at the best of times, and my close friends will reminisce about the time I went shopping for an antique desk chair and came out without one because I just 'didn't feel like spending money on something I hardly use'. And it's true, I'm a laze around in bed kind of girl.
Even so, I'm used to having the money there if I need it.
So! without further ado!....

The Challenge!
* My fortnightly wage after tax is about 1,200

* In a fortnight I pay 275 in rent, 50 to super, 400 to mortgage, 120 to bills, and 167 to a saving goal that I MUST DO.

* That leaves me with 188

* I've given myself 19.20 to spend on groceries a week, which equals to 38.40 fortnightly, as well as 30 petrol a week that equals to 60.

* That leaves me with 89.60 that I will hopefully NOT TOUCH, and at the end of the month that 89.60 x 2 will hopefully become 179.20. Which is a lot of yummy Iced Coffees and butterfly paper clips!

I'll try to record my food situation and keep a weekly tally of how I go. I must admit, here and now, I am an emotional eater. My stress attracts large quantities of chocolate as if I'm wearing a magnetic dress, and feeling happy makes me want to sit around watching Clannad with two bags of chips (yes, this did happen. No, I am not as ashamed as I should probably be). The real challenge will be resolving emotional issues without reaching for the food, and instead maybe reaching for my running shoes or yoga mat. I have a yoga mat! It's purple! ~Moving on...

The week ahead
This first week of spring will most likely see me going through the womanly cycle. I am prepared. I have these weirdass pineapple chews that aren't that great by number 6 because they stick in your teeth and practically taste like diabetes, as well as a whole half packet of m&ms that I kind of- maybe- accidentally opened today and ate whilst staring at the growing horror that is my messy tax situation. It is messy. And it is a situation. (^Refer above to see how chocolate actually reaches my mouth).

Food in my freezer:
3x frozen meals
2x soups
1x ice cream container of soup
1x tub of actual ice cream
1x half packet of berries
1x quarter packet of frozen vegetables
1x custard and carrot cake
6x 2 slices of bread, wrapped individually

Food in my fridge:
1x half carton of eggs
1x half carton of milk
2x 2 slices of bread, wrapped individually
a container of half cucumber, half tomato, half avocado, three quarters of a block of cheese
1x avocado
2x tomatoes
1x three quarter bag of carrots
1x half a jar of jam I haven't touched for about two years
2x bottles of food colouring
1x half a container of orange juice that I haven't touched in about one month

Food in pantry:
1x container of oats
1x half a packet of jatz crackers
1x whole bag unopened of brown rice
1x can of spicy tuna
1x can of kippers (god knows what they are, but I guess I'll find out!)
1x bottle half of olive oil
1x can of gluten free pasta sauce
1x gluten free pasta (my housemate is gf)
2x jars of spring water tuna
1x  half a jar of forest berry jam
2x cloves of garlic
1x half a packet of oreo biscuits >_<
1x half packet of m&ms
1x half a packet of pineapple chews
And, misc baking stuff such as: food colourings, sprinkles, gluten free flour, sugar, drinking chocolate, candy hearts etc.

Food in basket:
2x onions that have been there for about two weeks
5x bananas
1x kiwi fruit that has been there for one or two weeks
2x mandarins

This week from 1st September (which starts tomorrow, eek!!) until the 9th of September, with the aid of 19.20, that is all I will be eating. And when you look at it, it's not that bad, really.
(Keep up the positives, Cerri... Keep up the good cheer.... T_T .. Weeps into INTERNATIONAL ROAST ---)
NOW HOLD ON A SECOND
I have a gripe.
A real gripe.
I want to save my moolah and get ahead on the mortgage game because lord knows the banks don't make it easy, but I REFUSE to substitute my 19.88 Moccona coffee, which I then did substitute for 6.99 (or whatever it was) Nescafe blend, and EVEN THEN, I almost took home the decaf, and I understand about how change is great because it's better than a holiday, but did anyone go on a holiday with my Peterbae and do the king sized bed life? I thought not. It was the best. And even ON that holiday our hotel room had Moccona sachets and I wept with joy whilst using the sparkling new shower and amazingly accurate hair-dryer. Why did I weep? From joy. That's why. From the miraculous joy of my favourite coffee.

However.
As with all good things, I may have to sacrifice the good stuff and slurp the 'black and gold instant coffee' that is always 2.99.
Oh, the horror!
And if that does come to pass, and If I actually do have to choose the lowest of the low, I still WILL NOT, WILLLL NOTTTTTT, subject myself to the atrocity that is International Roast.
Or will I?
I once had a cold shower --three times-- in the middle of winter because we were without hot water for a good four months due to errors and landlords and generally not wanting to visit friends or family once again for a shower without a present or baked goods or other favours, and the 21st century somehow not working as the brochure said it would.
Sometimes I wonder: Are We Actually Going Forwards? And: But Is It In The Right Direction? With The Right Things?

Anywho! My chicken, cheese and avocado fajita beckons me to the last money-made meal I will have in a long while...

Wish me luck!
Allons y!

   
    (o)         (o)
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How long are your shoe laces?

Fact I put all but ONE of my towels on the outside line to dry two days ago and have just now realised that I still have not taken them down

Fact The other towel is sitting on the kitchen floor as I used it to dry parts of the floor after mopping

Fact I need a shower tonight, this very minute, and have a growing suspicion that there is only two small square hand towels left to use.
INSERT RADICAL, SEXUAL ANIME OF YOUR CHOICE!!!
Why are all anime 'washing in the bathroom' scenes so squeaky, soapy clean?

Moving on...

Today was a magical day involving vegetarian pizza, pouring a cup of oil all over my engine because YOLO, driving to a bank only to discover that the bank does not exist in this state even though the map said it did, preparing my delightful human form for the coffee bliss that every person in the world should experience at LEAST daily and then un-preparing because TIME WAITS FOR NO MAN YO, coming to terms with the unsocialising hermit crab that I really am, admiring how well I blend in to society with my human disguise, stretching my claws and walking sideways for a brief period of time to reminisce about the olden days while strengthening my leg muscles, giving my food a fun show-ride experience in my car for free, wondering if anyone buys a two-pack of cheesecake with the intention to only actually eat one of them, and, lastly but just as fun, spending a good chunk of my day saying fuck and blowing my nose.

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Something that changed my life today: Organic Peanut Butter.
Yes
This is a thing.
Ok, so I'm not religious or a nut job (eheheheheh) or an extreme health conscious person wanting to spout nonsense in other people's faces but organic peanut butter is the SHIT. The Shit. If shit could walk around and enter health food shops from the back door (oozing in a sliding way, of course), modify itself to lose all it's shittier bits at once and replace those bits with delicious peanuty bits, then slide on over to the shelf holding the 'Natural Selection' of pretty much every food known out there, knock off the peanut butters in some assassinistic way and pour itself into each of their containers, I'm telling you....
It would be an oil fest.
100 per cent perfection- but I just realised that what I'm actually experiencing is a euphoric state brought about by the oil.
Can this be true?
I'm not sure.
SO! I bought some chocolate biscuits earlier on, to use a dipping tool into this TUB OF DELICIOUSNESS, and I plan to do this in the very near future. Possibly while I lay in bed and watch more Clannad, but this could be uncertain given that I have been telling myself for the past month 'Get out of yo bed, go for a run, and do life'.
Cheers, past me, what a blast.
Can I be totally hypnotized by peanut oil? Is this even healthy for me? Will I stop eating organic peanut butter now that I am not mesmerized by its seductive mysterious nature? Who knows!?

A secret Sometimes I go into autopilot, but my autopilot pilot has gone away for the weekend to fish or whatever, and so even though I know I should be doing things and I am actually doing things, it just looks like I'm reenacting a caveman who knocks into walls, stubs his toe, spills his drink every single time he drinks anything, and waits for about five seconds before replying in a conversation due to bewilderment that he's even in a conversation and a part of his brain trying to work out how to leave the conversation.

I reckon people must think I live in a restaurant because I constantly smell like food. Constantly. There is a small window of relief whenever I exit a shower, but even now after a day off work and only having reheated two hot soup meals, I STILL smell the food aroma. It's not even a pleasant one. It just smells like a bunch of cooked vegetables.

A Plan I'm really into trying to save money these days so I have come up with 'No Spend September' where I will spend money on rent/mortgage, bills, into my super, petrol, and a small amount of groceries, and nothing else.

  Things I will not buy
- My weekly ice cream at the petrol station when filling up on petrol... ;'( Man, I LOVE those things. They are my EXISTENCE, as well as a few good people and all the faeries I have ever met, the faeries and people I have sketched, the monsters I've sewn, the stories I've ever written and all the characters I've tried to flesh out on the page, those magical spontaneous moments that come from nowhere, singing to music really loudly in the car with other people, smiling at strangers, watching someone blow bubbles and chase them, and a MILLION other things. There are millions of things! Like how I need to create Vincent's house, and go back to where I wrote ANOTHER character who was also called Vincent and see if there is a resemblance or if they are two entirely different people who could possibly share the love of custard tarts and watching football in the rain...
- Actually, to be 1000 per cent honest here, the ice creams aren't that great at all. They will have to go.
- Random chips to snack on while watching tv. I will try to drink water instead, or hot herbal teas.
- Random chocolates.
- Overpriced groceries. Ideally I would be shopping at only the Pasadena Foodland or the Frewville Foodland. They are literally the best thing since sliced bread, and when you think about it, how great is sliced bread without all that 'getting out a knife and cutting a crooked slice with a lump halfway through and a really thin end that impedes the butter knife and makes the butter pool or catch in different areas when being spread so you either bite into a whole chunk of butter and Vegemite or a whole chunk of plain bread or nothing at all, which leaves you feeling disjointed and annoyed at the whole world and everything in it, but you can't admit that when someone at work asks you why you look so pissed because it's a lame reason so you have to then create a scenario that seems half-what plausible, which makes you even more enraged because you then have to remember this scenario for others at work for the WHOLE DAY and by the time you get home you're so engulfed with this web of lies you have created that you down half a bottle of Jack and pass out in the bathtub'? All The Great. Sliced bread allow you to enjoy your day. And so do my Foodlands.
- HOWEVER
- There is a need to shop around and do the whole 'price check' thing that makes my brain feel like it's being stretched over an ironing board and steam-cleaned by a large, robust-looking Russian woman with a large moustache that would make a fortune in show biz and a full flask of vodka in her apron pocket.
- But if steam-cleaning my brain helps me get through this month of spring with more savings and less home loan, then so be it!
- Um, where was I?
- Yes, there is some debate about using public transport. As I get up at 5am a lot of mornings to be at work by 6am, I feel there is no need to stand out in the cold at about 3am to catch two buses and possibly one taxi so I can get to work by 6, so I'll keep petrol and my car in the challenge.


  Things I Will Buy
- As outlined above, I will pay my bills, which in Septermber means my car Rego, a gas bill, one lot of phone credit and possibly a phone/internet bill.
- Petrol, that is basically 30 dollars each hit, and in a fortnight I can put 30 in one week and 40 in the other depending on how much driving I do.
- Mortgage and rent, and for me that is 400 a fortnight and 275 a fortnight respectively.
- Super is 50 a fortnight
- And groceries. Now, I am willing to try and spend 19.20 on groceries each week because I am only buying them for myself. That could be enough to get me bread, eggs, few bits of fruit, milk, yoghurt, a packet of frozen veggies, etc. I won't starve and I don't have to stick to that amount, but it's that amount for a reason and I will see if I can do it!

And that is all.

I may need the dentist and it may be a wonderfully hideous time where I feel the wrath of the dentist up close and gloved, but until that time and as long as my health holds out I will embark on this challenge.
Although, now that I'm writing about it I feel an incredible urge NOT to do it.
My brain is all like-- Scrubbing the back of itself using a loofah and then suddenly 'DON'T TAKE THE CHALLENGE, IT'S DUMB AND STUPID AND YOU REALLY DO NEED TO LIVE BY YOLO BECAUSE YOLO IS ALL THERE IS UNTIL TOMORROW! OREO'S ARE GREAT! WATCHING TV WHILE CHOWING DOWN A WHOLE PACKET OF CHEESIES IS EVEN GREATER! ICE CREAMS ARE THE BEEEEEEEST OMFG DO I HAVE TO COME OUT THERE AND WHOOP YOU ONE?? I WILL DO IT! I WILL NEED TO TAKE MY GLASSES OFF AND DO SOME STRETCHES, BUT YOU WILL GET A WHOOPING SON, JUST YO-

That One Time Where My Brain Used It's Outside Voice Inside My Head.

See you in Septermber!! (@__--)



And all I can do is just pour some tea for two 
and speak my point of view but it's not sane

Is it wrong to eat ice cream at midnight?

There was this horrendous noise like rumbling thunder and firing cannons and somewhere further out even a screeching of a cat, which was rather odd considering the circumstances but merited nonetheless, and then suddenly a figure emerged from the ground all at once.
"Bloody HELL!" the figure screamed in a high voice.
She brushed dirt off her ancient-looking blouse and skirts combination, looking like she'd just spent a few good years inside a vacuum cleaner. She stamped her boots and shook her head so her frazzled and frayed hair stood about the place.
A black cat slinked around her ankles. She said: "I must have been down there for centuries!"
She turned around and clomped heavily into a little wooden cottage nearby and snatched up the old, white (but now coated entirely grey of dust and cobwebs) rotary phone and called her sister down in Dulwich.
"Myrtle! You wouldn't believe it!" she exclaimed down the line. "I've just come up from the earth!"
"The earth!?" came Myrtle's astonished reply. "Whatever for?"
"Search me!" the woman boomed. "Fancy some tea?"
"But Ederdall! You're all the way up East! It would take me almost four minutes to get there, and that's if the wind isn't kicking up another tantrum! You saw what happened to ol-"
"I was in the Earth Myrtle! The Earth!"
"Oh yes, good heavens," Myrtle muttered as Ederdall sat down a bit too fast on a little round stool that was lower than she had remembered it being.
"Well why on earth were you down there in the first place?" asked Myrtle, unable to hide the annoyance she was feeling at missing her favourite night-time television show. Surely Ederdall could hold off on being a drama queen for one day, couldn't she?
"Ahh, Myrtle..." chuckled Ederdall. "Always with the puns..."
"You were visiting uncle Herbal again weren't you?" Myrtle said in accusation.
Ederdall asked: "What year is it, Lemon Rind?"
Myrtle sighed, "2017, and don't call me lemon rind. It's offensive to all lemons and you know it."
Ederdall chuckled again. It sure was good to be back! How she had missed her sisters scoldings, and her little familiar's looks of disdain.
As if reading her mind, Myrtle asked sharply, "Is Briar there with you still? Or have you gone and lost him somewhere too?"
"Oh you chipped old cauldron! Worrying will give you warts, and we all know what happened to Avalon-"
"Such tragedy among one so young!"
"It surely was. Listen," Ederdall lowered her voice and looked about as though someone or something was listening in. "I haven't seen Beatrice for a while, have you? I believe she's up to something funny."
There was a sound like a balloon bursting and then Myrtle yelled rather too loudly for their modern phone conversation, "I'M COMING NOW, EDER BEE! FARELIE HAS JUST GONE INSANE- YES INSANE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU NONSENSE OF A CHILD! I'M TAKING THE CUSTARD WITH ME AND DON'T YOU DARE FOLLOW! -CAN YOU HEAR ME, EDERS? I'M COMING NOW."
Ederdall rolled her eyes. "Don't shout for heavens christ Myrtle. I have just came up from the Earth, not a Zysznel concert!"
"Oh you can hear me! Good! Don't leave out your chickens, and for the love of pumpkin pie BRING IN YOUR WEATHERVANE, the clouds and rain and wind are doing god knows up there toni-"
"My what?" Ederdall asked in complete bewilderment. Had her sister gone mad?
"Your- Weather- Vane!" Myrtle called out slowly.
"Myrtle I am not retarded, but I have no idea why you think I still own one."
There was a shocked silence. "But how have you been boiling your kettle and using the television? How is this phone even working?"
"This is the Modern Age, sister, and besides, I haven't needed to boil a kettle since 1921. I'll put on some newt eye stew for when you get here."
"Oh Ederdall, how have you been living? No, never mind! I'm on my way! I'll sort it all out for you. See you in three."
There was a clank as Myrtle hung up and Ederdall left her receiver on the stool while she went into the kitchen to light her candelabra and check the calendar.
"Chrimey!" she declared in annoyed surprise. "It's my birthday today!"


;..^__4..;

Who knows, who knows what I am thinking...?

It's like turning left. All the time. All at once.
Like carrying around a drawstring bag of memories and emotions and situations and things, and every day pulling the string tighter.
It's like eating a whole block of chocolate.
Like waking up hot and dehydrated, shrinking and tight yet also puffed up and expanding.
Suddenly aware of every little thing in your surroundings and stopping to wonder: how long have the clouds been there?
It's like finding out someone who you've known forever is a real alcoholic instead of the chuckling, beer-swigging hooligan who should spend all their time carving pumpkins and riding tractors.

It's like that one time in the car with that feeling and the acceleration because something actually mattered.
For once, life had meaning and it was going to be recorded. The recording may be jumbled or in lists or in different colour pen, but it would be somewhere and it would exist.

Songs Today
* Jesus of Suburbia Greenday
* Grinspoon, better off alone
* No Rain Blind Melon
* And She Was Talking Heads
* Homecoming Greeenday
* Church on Sunday Greenday


It's like opening the fridge and going, 'Hey, I have a lemon!'

Can I get a 'Hell Yeah?'

Unless that's already been one of my blog titles, in which case, ignore and move on.
Yes.
Moving on.
How hard is that shit?
Like, not even going to fool around with the words and sentence layouts because this type of thing is no joke. It's real, and it's hard.
So. Bloody. Hard.

A Snapshot into my Current Life. (AKA, Stop looking at that bloody gnome and pay attention to me).

Ok. So what I really want to write is something like:

My Wonderful Life:
~ I always start my mornings off with a kale and veggie juice smoothie packed with vitamins and ten thousand other unheard of minerals that are actually really good for you
~ Then I do yoga stretches. I'm well acquainted with my core, I know ALL ABOUT my stretch limits, and my Downward Dog pose is spec-woofin-tacular.
~ Jump in the shower, hydrate to the h20 with my ample supply of freshly washed water bottles that I bought specifically to put water in and hydrate with.
~ I love my job!! It brings me fulfillment in a way I could never have imagined, I always pick my hours, I am an example of a good work/life balance because I know how to refuse shifts while charming the people with my charismatic charm.
~ Arts and Crafts are two words I use every single day.
~ I just finished making a tea cosy.
~ Got my car serviced, paid all my bills on time, have some spare cash just lying around so I invested it, and yes, my savings goals are coming along real nice, thanks for asking.
~ I am a gracious, good-natured lady who interacts with family well. You want wit? I've got it! You need an ear? Have one of mine! Doing some heavy lifting? Let me help! Problems? I gotchu.
~ I wear stylish and clean clothes daily because I matched my wardrobe to the Harry Potter aesthetic pinterest boards.
~ I do everything I have ever pinned. Completion is my middle name. I also own a pin-board IRL.
~ I glide home after a busy but productive day at the work life, pull up into my driveway and glance over at the bees bumbling away over the grass. I can reach my handbag! Why is this? Why is it so easy to just extend my arm and lift it off my passenger seat? Could it be because there's nothing else on the passenger seat? Maybe the ease could be due to the fact I actually clean my car out every time I drive it?? Who's to know!!?? Certainly not I! And certainly not anything in my car, ever, seeing as how it looks like I live in it 24/7, and could also probably be hoarding half of someone else's crap along with all of mine.
~ MEAL PREP
~ TIDY AS YOU GO
~ HEALTHY HABITS
~ ACTUALLY MAKING THE MOVE
~ COFFEE IN THE SUN
~ ACTUAL SUN

The Actual Snapshot:
~ There is no sun. At all.
~ I roll out of bed wearing half of my wardrobe due to the fact my house is freezing most of the time because, one: it's winter, and two: we leave the door open so the cat (not mine) can decide to wander out for five minutes and then wander back in again once a day. Yes. This is correct.
~ I make a mug of black coffee and down it within six seconds, or two hours, depending on if i'm working
~ My car has roughly about 6 water bottles rolling around (I kid. They don't roll. They sit tightly squished against other crap and have been in that position for the past month), and they're all the kind of cheap plastic that I tell myself I WILL NEVER BUY AGAIN EVER, whenever I do buy one. As you can see this has worked out really well.
~ I listen to the same songs on my ipod that I  have done five years ago. These days I have been bangin out to Green Day, believe it or not. I have replayed 'misery' and 'homecoming' about three thousand times because I love the end of the song where they sing 'hoooooooome.... we're coming hoooome, again.' Sometimes it makes me cry. And other times it gives me a warm feeling of newness/old memories/the sun rising at dawn.
~ The sun rising at dawn is quite possibly the best feeling in the world, unless you knew it was your last day.
~ I never turn down shifts. I work all the shifts, all the time, and one day my body will break down until I am just a head, and they will magnify it so it is three times the size of a normal head like The Face Of Boe, but I will be the Face Of Cerri, and I will live in a tank of water and tell prophecies, or some such nonsense. I was very tired when I watched that episode of Doctor Who.
~ But yes. I spend my entire life at work so I can earn money and pay off the house I bought asap. My goal in in the next five years, however, with my non-existent savings- even though I spend hours at a time doing the math and working it alllllllllll out- and pittance of pay that I actually receive, it will probably take me 1000052 years exactly.
~ The house is not entirely mine, nor do I live in it, and nor is it one I exceptionally like. I bought it for someone else, and thus, I am living my life for them. I had envisioned this scenario that when I finally transferred the money and it was all done, I would be free, but all it's done is propel me into another time-consuming situation where I have no way out unless I pay it off as fast as I humanly can.
~ So! Therefore! I do not pop into my parents house or see my family in the expected way as outlined above. I am often tired or caught up some stupid war. There is always a war going on and I have never known calm intellectual interaction. Although, recently it's been coming along nicely with only a few minor hitches
--- let's all just touch some wood here
and I must say, those short periods of calm intellectual interaction are treasured quite deeply, maybe more than other people treasure their family interactions. Or maybe not, who knows where my words are coming from? Certainly not my mouth! Haw haw haw
~ After a long-ass day handling food and bending in ways that I shouldn't so I can reach around to the back of the toilet bowl, I squeal into my driveway because my car needs a service and I keep putting it off, so the wiper blade cover slumps and slops about when moving, the brakes make a high squeal whenever I press them, the left indicator doesn't work unless you jam it hard all the way up and then it goes super fast, the right drivers window always ends up a tiny crack down in the course of driving that lets in that frantic wind 'wheoeoeoeoeoesssssh' noise, and lastly, there is always ONE ANT somewhere in that car. These days I also get the 'clankity clank' of my partners lawnmower in the boot whenever I go over a speed bump, which I was thinking today isn't a good sign because it could be damaging the lawn mower when it bumps against the car, and the whole point of lugging his lawn mower all over the country side was so I didn't have to buy one. 
~ I grab two or three things that I can be bothered taking into the house while thinking 'I'll take the REST OF THIS TOP HAT SHIT IN LATERZ HOMIE G' because I cbf hauling it all in.
~ Laterz never actually arrives. His brother does though, the one called 'Let's see how much stuff can last in this car before I have a mental breakdown and throw it all on the side of a highway',
~ Then I open the fridge and stare at it because, well, I haven't meal prepped since that lonesome instagram photo, like, four months ago, and staring at a half carton of eggs, milk, some food colouring, hard butter that makes me cringe to spread, half a pineapple wrapped in clingwrap and a three quarter bag of carrots just seems like a really fun thing to do.
~ I close the fridge and have a ten second shower while moaning about how this winter is definitely worse than ever before and it can't possibly get any colder, or any wetter, or any worse than this very day, which is about 14 degrees and not even that terrible at all.
~ I replace yoga with scrolling through real estate houses while huddled up under two quilts, one blanket, ten layers of clothes including a pair of tights and a pair of pants with holes in the bum region, a wheat bag that smells like food on account of ONCE heating it unknowingly with some food stains on the top of the microwave, a beanie, a bar heater right up next to the bed, and a mug of steaming mocha to warm my chaotic heart in the form of a cracking stalactite. 
~ I replace kale with marmalade on buttery toast.

If I was ever to have a boy or even a little bird, I would call them Buttery. The very thought warms my cold stalactite. 
The thing is: I LOVE my books. I could never throw them out. So I haul them in my car from place to place in the freezing cold and hard rain. The whole back of my car is filled to the doors with books that I LOVE, to the point where I had thrown my beloved owl mug that my partner had given me back there, and it was happily rolling around on the mounds of books and possibly shopping bags, clothes just bought, shoes, a toy sword, and etc, and then one day I gaily opened the back drivers door and a heap of books toppled out along with my mug. THAT SMASHED. Not into a thousand tiny pieces as one would expect from such a delicate ornament Holy Jesus it's almost midnight.
ALSO
I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT FACEBOOK HAS TRIGGERED THIS SPIDER FEAR THING AND I JUST NOW SAW A BLACK MOVING THING ON MY RIGHT OF THE BED.
Hoping for a mouse, but just really want to sleep. My whole life is this one continuous run of situations in which I react.
Ahhh yesss, the mouse.
Well.
Wasn't that a fun time for all involved?
I hammered apart my wardrobe and did, indeed, find mice mess underneath, but I found the most mess under my shelves and bedside drawers. I ended up knocking out all the bottoms of all my furniture so that nothing could hide and I would be able to see in. It's surprising how much furniture is hollow underneath with a wooden plank that sits at the front, and I will not stand for it!
I REFUSE TO STAND FOR---

This has been a bulletin report by Cerri Fae, who is 'not joking guys' when she says there could be a mouse on her very bed, this very minute.
Goodnight from the newsroom, and we'll see you tomorrow.

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