Hello there!
Have you ever just felt like a piece of gum on the road? Like, or maybe, more accurately, a little mound of gluggy, bland, bitty, mash potato? Colourless, odourless, quite symmetrical but lacking in anything really worthwhile?
This is how I leapt out of the mash potato prison and made myself a cup of lemon drink.
Am I the only person to have searched the word 'leapt' on google and found themselves with an immense feeling of unexplainable revoltion at reading the words 'leapt and leaped'?
Ok.
Surging forwards, now that I have my hot lemon drink, away from this weirdness and into my sunny sun-room filled with draping potted plants and wooden chairs sporting white padded upholstry. There is a faded wooden floorboard because the sun shines on it for hours every day.
Faded, yes. Faded but peaceful. Worn yet beautiful. Broken and somehow shining.
We are fools to think that we will remain untouched by the world around us. I often wonder if I had been more careful with what I let in back then, maybe my soul would not be suffering so much now. Would I have turned out to still be innocently assuming, childishly hopeful, undoubtedly sure that the world was mostly a wonderfully magical place where wish-stars floated over chalked sidewalks among skyscraper buildings around eccentric strangers wearing red stockings ever eager to share their hot-dog? Or did I tune out too much, inflicting unintentional neglect in an attempt to calm the storm and keep it calm?
There are times when I feel terribly weakened by my experiences. Chipped and sanded, scratched and ripped, stripped entirely of outer protection, but who's to say that damage cannot be done even when clad in the most extensive amour known to man?
Slivers of reality can slide their way in unnoticed and turn out one of your lights.
So would you let it?
'What are The Slivers and how can I profit from them?'
'What is reality?'
'I used to have eleven light bulbs but now I only have four. Where are they going and how come the ones left are really small?'
These are the real questions.
What I'm trying to say is: for the eighteenth thousandth time my clock is calling '11.16pm! Why are you not in bed?' And I'm replying 'Clock, why are you ordering me around? Don't you do that enough already?'
And it just winks at me, as if we are both in the know of a really cool joke that only it knows, so I'm forced to nod with a small smile and a tilting back of the head, much like Dean Winchester does right before doing the What A Freak expression.
The point is: if you are not actively doing anything constructive with your day, is that day then classified as a waste? What if you were happy the entire day? Or, happy but kind of irked? Or, not really happy, not really irked, but somewhere in the middle of YOLO/I need to get something done because spending all day at work and then lounging in bed watching cleaning videos on youtube is not spontaneously orgasm-inducing at all.
And I mean the spontaneous orgasm you get when you're doing something really soul-satisfying, like painting a portrait or going on a motorbike trek across country with fifty others. Or, you know, actually having sex.
Basically, I started this post to say: I will be undertaking a Healthy Eating Challenge in four days- horray!- and here is a list of the rules.
However, all I can think about are miniature cupcakes with edible flowers on them, miniature ponies with rainbow manes and glittery hooves, and this one random blond girl serving in a hip cafe somewhere in the back of my dreams.
So!
Good luck with deciphering any of that!
I hope you keep your smile amidst the burdens.
I hope you learn to feel the pain without drowning it in alcohol.
I hope you reach high, take that little box down from the shelf, open it, and believe with the entire essence of your being. You are worth it.
💖
Saturday 28 October 2017
Sunday 15 October 2017
Which way should it face?
Merril gestured in a wide sweeping motion with his arm, as if to say 'look at all my fancy, hand-crafted, painstakingly polished, newer-than-new gold buttons! Just look at them, if you will!'
Emerald frowned, his hand sliding around his coffee cup. "Merril, I've told you-"
"I'm too old, Emerald," Merril said dramatically, "My years have come and gone. And what do I do? I but put upon my white shirt and tan vest, and then over that! Why, I put on my tan sweater just so I can say to ladies in passing: 'I am wearing a sweater-vest, and I know how it's done'."
"Good heavens above!" Emerald muttered crossly. Surely one day could go past without Merril making some sort of soap opera about the littlest thing. Was that too much to ask?
Emerald often wondered how much right he had in asking favours from something he didn't quite take the time to ponder. But he also felt rather firmly about avoiding confrontation and all matters that did not sit well with him. As it was, he swept most of his life under the rug- metaphorically and actually- and this aided him in such times of woe that he had not stopped since starting the habit in 1942.
Once his divorce papers had been settled, he had taken out his dustpan and broom and swept it under that rug. He did this when his eldest son had come out gay, and his second son had announced that he had spent the last five years with a Biker gang known as Blood Thugs and would continue to do so from here on out. He swept when the price of bananas had gone up and when the dreadful meth-lab incident in the south had gone down. He swept when the barber cut his hair too short, when he found a hole in his favourite pants, when the share market crashed, and when his beloved poodle lost all her hair from stress.
When life blew up, he swept it under, and he was a much happier man for it.
But this Merril and his horribly careless ways... Emerald wasn't sure he could ever sweep the fact that Merril wore a hair-piece daily on purpose because it kept up with the fashion and needed no upkeep.
"Devilishly easy to maintain!" he would cry and tap his nose for whatever god-forsaken reason. It made Emerald want to weep!
"I say here! Look at this..." Merril said in a loud exclaim of surprise.
Emerald followed his enchanted gaze and found himself looking at an elderly woman sitting two tables over from them, her silver-haired head bowed as she wrote. Her crisp aqua jacket gave no indication of actual body size, but Emerald guessed from her hands and head that she was small, especially compared to the gigantic purple handbag sitting next to her chair leg.
"Must you shout?" Emerald grumbled. "Try being discreet."
"Emmers, I just MUST get her name and number, and possibly her favourite dish, you wouldn't know if pineapple is offensive to women do you?"
"Pineapple? What is this nonsense you insult my ears with?"
Merril gave Emerald a look of childish glee. "My friend! Have you never tasted hawiian pizza?"
"Of course I ha-"
"I'll save you a slice from our second dinner..."
Emerald said, "Second?"
Merril held up his fingers in the perfect symbol, with his index and thumb together, and said, "But of course, Emmer Lemmer, we must have smoked salmon on our first!"
"Smoked salmon!" Emerald spluttered.
This was all going too far.
"Now, play it cool, chum, for I am about to embark on a mission impossible." Merril chuckled at his joke as straightened his tie and Emerald did a double take. A tie!? A great big, dark green tie sitting among tan!? He rubbed his mouth and took a quick sip of coffee. In his mind, he swept.
He swept, and swept, and banged the side of the brush to get the last of the enigmatic minuscule bits off it, and then he swept some more.
As he swept, he relaxed.
"I don't suppose you carry a walking cane, old chum?" he asked casually.
Merril had risen from his booth and stopped halfway up looking confused. "A cane?"
"Mmm." Emerald sipped, feeling a growing sense of smug. He was sweeping and he was smug and that was all that mattered. He smiled.
"Do you think I should get one?" Merril asked. He looked alarmed, as if it was something he should have thought about before.
"A lot of tricky things to consider when going about the day, isn't there?" Emerald relaxed even further. He was almost giddy with ease.
"Don't be so damned calm in a situation as dire as this!" Merril cried. He brought his fist down on the table. Emerald smiled at the fist. The aqua woman glanced up then, and Emerald caught her gaze. She had very bright eyes. Merril noticed and quickly turned too, but she had regained her studiousness leaving Merril to sag just a little.
He turned back to the lounging Emerald. "Emmer, you and I are all we have in this technical age with all the boobops and the beebips, we need to band a union and fight back!"
"Oh we must," Emerald agreed lazily. "That is a fine word old chap."
"Indeed we must seize our vitality!" boomed Merril.
"Extremely!" enthused Emerald.
"Catch hold of tomorrow!" cried Merril.
"Forthwith!" cheered Emerald.
"Raise our frames into the air and say, we refuse our service aids!"
"Couldn't have said it better, dear friend. Let us sit and ponder." Emerald took a long swig of the last dregs of coffee, and when he put it down in a resigned manner he realised Merril had gone. He had transported himself over to the aqua woman. Emerald watched them laugh and gesture, nod and smile, write on little bits of paper and wave goodbye. He noticed Merril limping slightly as he returned, however the sparkle in his eyes took over, sweeping the limp right out of Emerald's mind so more important things could light up the priority window. How very considerate, he thought.
"I've gone and done it!" Merril swooned. He plonked himself down into the booth and gave an almighty groan. There was a creaking of bone. "Ooooh, my hip ain't what it used to be."
Emerald set a stern eye on his friend. "Is she, or isn't she, a pineapple swinger?"
Merril chuckled as he poured milk into his coffee. Then he looked up and winked at his oldest, most serious, and mighty fine specimen of a friend. "I've got a yoga appointment with her at three!"
.*.
*
Emerald frowned, his hand sliding around his coffee cup. "Merril, I've told you-"
"I'm too old, Emerald," Merril said dramatically, "My years have come and gone. And what do I do? I but put upon my white shirt and tan vest, and then over that! Why, I put on my tan sweater just so I can say to ladies in passing: 'I am wearing a sweater-vest, and I know how it's done'."
"Good heavens above!" Emerald muttered crossly. Surely one day could go past without Merril making some sort of soap opera about the littlest thing. Was that too much to ask?
Emerald often wondered how much right he had in asking favours from something he didn't quite take the time to ponder. But he also felt rather firmly about avoiding confrontation and all matters that did not sit well with him. As it was, he swept most of his life under the rug- metaphorically and actually- and this aided him in such times of woe that he had not stopped since starting the habit in 1942.
Once his divorce papers had been settled, he had taken out his dustpan and broom and swept it under that rug. He did this when his eldest son had come out gay, and his second son had announced that he had spent the last five years with a Biker gang known as Blood Thugs and would continue to do so from here on out. He swept when the price of bananas had gone up and when the dreadful meth-lab incident in the south had gone down. He swept when the barber cut his hair too short, when he found a hole in his favourite pants, when the share market crashed, and when his beloved poodle lost all her hair from stress.
When life blew up, he swept it under, and he was a much happier man for it.
But this Merril and his horribly careless ways... Emerald wasn't sure he could ever sweep the fact that Merril wore a hair-piece daily on purpose because it kept up with the fashion and needed no upkeep.
"Devilishly easy to maintain!" he would cry and tap his nose for whatever god-forsaken reason. It made Emerald want to weep!
"I say here! Look at this..." Merril said in a loud exclaim of surprise.
Emerald followed his enchanted gaze and found himself looking at an elderly woman sitting two tables over from them, her silver-haired head bowed as she wrote. Her crisp aqua jacket gave no indication of actual body size, but Emerald guessed from her hands and head that she was small, especially compared to the gigantic purple handbag sitting next to her chair leg.
"Must you shout?" Emerald grumbled. "Try being discreet."
"Emmers, I just MUST get her name and number, and possibly her favourite dish, you wouldn't know if pineapple is offensive to women do you?"
"Pineapple? What is this nonsense you insult my ears with?"
Merril gave Emerald a look of childish glee. "My friend! Have you never tasted hawiian pizza?"
"Of course I ha-"
"I'll save you a slice from our second dinner..."
Emerald said, "Second?"
Merril held up his fingers in the perfect symbol, with his index and thumb together, and said, "But of course, Emmer Lemmer, we must have smoked salmon on our first!"
"Smoked salmon!" Emerald spluttered.
This was all going too far.
"Now, play it cool, chum, for I am about to embark on a mission impossible." Merril chuckled at his joke as straightened his tie and Emerald did a double take. A tie!? A great big, dark green tie sitting among tan!? He rubbed his mouth and took a quick sip of coffee. In his mind, he swept.
He swept, and swept, and banged the side of the brush to get the last of the enigmatic minuscule bits off it, and then he swept some more.
As he swept, he relaxed.
"I don't suppose you carry a walking cane, old chum?" he asked casually.
Merril had risen from his booth and stopped halfway up looking confused. "A cane?"
"Mmm." Emerald sipped, feeling a growing sense of smug. He was sweeping and he was smug and that was all that mattered. He smiled.
"Do you think I should get one?" Merril asked. He looked alarmed, as if it was something he should have thought about before.
"A lot of tricky things to consider when going about the day, isn't there?" Emerald relaxed even further. He was almost giddy with ease.
"Don't be so damned calm in a situation as dire as this!" Merril cried. He brought his fist down on the table. Emerald smiled at the fist. The aqua woman glanced up then, and Emerald caught her gaze. She had very bright eyes. Merril noticed and quickly turned too, but she had regained her studiousness leaving Merril to sag just a little.
He turned back to the lounging Emerald. "Emmer, you and I are all we have in this technical age with all the boobops and the beebips, we need to band a union and fight back!"
"Oh we must," Emerald agreed lazily. "That is a fine word old chap."
"Indeed we must seize our vitality!" boomed Merril.
"Extremely!" enthused Emerald.
"Catch hold of tomorrow!" cried Merril.
"Forthwith!" cheered Emerald.
"Raise our frames into the air and say, we refuse our service aids!"
"Couldn't have said it better, dear friend. Let us sit and ponder." Emerald took a long swig of the last dregs of coffee, and when he put it down in a resigned manner he realised Merril had gone. He had transported himself over to the aqua woman. Emerald watched them laugh and gesture, nod and smile, write on little bits of paper and wave goodbye. He noticed Merril limping slightly as he returned, however the sparkle in his eyes took over, sweeping the limp right out of Emerald's mind so more important things could light up the priority window. How very considerate, he thought.
"I've gone and done it!" Merril swooned. He plonked himself down into the booth and gave an almighty groan. There was a creaking of bone. "Ooooh, my hip ain't what it used to be."
Emerald set a stern eye on his friend. "Is she, or isn't she, a pineapple swinger?"
Merril chuckled as he poured milk into his coffee. Then he looked up and winked at his oldest, most serious, and mighty fine specimen of a friend. "I've got a yoga appointment with her at three!"
.*.
*
Monday 2 October 2017
What is the mission statement, and how does it relate to the organisation's philosophy and daily practice?
The end of an era
Okaaaaaaaaaay! Hello there!
I'm going to throw some figures at you and if you are displeased at such throwing, it is all good, just look away and pretend it never happened. Kind of like what I've done with my month of no spending (hue hue hue).
So. I have once again shaken too much garlic granules into my mushroom soup and FUCK ME is it garlicky. Sorry for anyone who has the misfortune of being near me for the next day or so.
Aaaan moving on.
Here are The Figures...
List of the entire month's spending:
Day 1 - Petrol 30.00
Day 2 - Father's day ingredients 17.38
Day 3 - 0
Day 4 - Jatz 2.00
woman things 5.20
TOTAL: 7.20
Day 5 - coffee 8.00
Day 6 - woman things 2.40
Day 7 - 0
Day 8 - Petrol 30.00
Ice cream 4.51
2x chocolates 2.00
bread 3.49
hungry jacks onion rings and fries 2.00
TOTAL: 12.00 + 30.00 petrol = 42.00
Day 9 - 0 (?)
Day 10 - Eggs 1.99
Cheese 4.00
Yoghurt #1 3.29
Yoghurt #2 3.50
chips 2.85
4 bananas 2.10
blueberries 4.99
Chocolate milkshake 3.98
TOTAL: 26.70
Day 11 - 0
Day 12 - 0
Day 13 - cheezles 1.49
chicken chips 1.99
bread 1.79
TOTAL: 5.27
Day 14 - peanut butter 5.49
butter 1.99
TOTAL: 7.48
Day 15 - 0
Day 16 - 0
Day 17 - Petrol 30.00
packet of chips 2.00
TOTAL: 32.00
Day 18 - 0
Day 19 - 0
Day 20 - Maccas meals x 2 15.90
Day 21 - Twisties 4,99
rosemary chips 6.09
giant freddo frog 1.59
small yoghurt 3.29
TOTAL: 15.96
[the HORRENDOUS prices I am seeing. That yoghurt above, just there? THREE DOLLARS TWENTY NINE? That was the smallest tub of yummiest goodness, but I can get a large tub about four times that size for the same price! Stop shopping at service stations Cerri!]
Day 22 - toilet paper 6.99
3x bananas 1.03
blueberries on special 2.99
rye bread 3.49
Yoghurt tub 6.39
TOTAL: food 13.90 + toilet paper 6.99 = 20.89
Day 23 - 0
Day 24 - 0
Day 25 - 0
Day 26 - 0
Day 27 - Oats 1.20
Cinnamon 2.46
Twisties 1.99
Car Rego 191.00
TOTAL: 5.65 + rego 191.00 = 196.65
Day 28 - Petrol 30.00
ice cream 4.80
TOTAL: 34.80
Day 29 - phone credit 30.00
housewarming present 7.00
chicken chips 1.49
kettle chips 2.99
bbq grill chips 2.67
lollies 1.50
iced coffee 2.65
freddo frog faces 4.15
1 pear 60c
1 mandarin 42c
blueberries 2.99
milk 1.50
bread 1.99
toothpaste 1.80
block of chocolate 2.99
brownie mix 4.69
TOTAL: food 30.63 + credit 30.00 = 60.63
+ present 7.00 = 67.63
+ toothpaste 1.80 = 69.43
Day 30 - packet chips 2.00
lollies 2.20
alcohol for housewarming party 26.99
TOTAL: 31.19
ENTIRE MONTHLY FOOD TOTAL: 198.86
NON-FOOD EXPENSES: 16.39
ESSENTIAL EXPENSES PAID: 120.00
BILLS PAID: 191.00
OTHER NON-FOOD NON-EXPENSE ITEMS: 7.00
TOTAL MONEY SPENT: 533.25
Now that's pretty alarming considering that my food budget in total was only 12.90 and that equals to 12.90 x 4 weeks in this month = 51.60. I know I was confused for some reason and did my normal 'oh I have no idea what I'm doing in life, ahahaha ahahhhhh haaahhhhhhaaaaaaaa, watch me twirl!' spiel, but nonetheless!! 198.86 is a lot of money.
AMOUNT SPENT ON CHIPS: 30.55
AMOUNT SPENT ON CHOCOLATE: 42.59
AMOUNT SPENT ON ALL NON-NUTRITIONAL FOODS: 127.88
Which means out of that entire food total above 198.86 - 127.88 of crap = 70.98 and that would be mostly yoghurts, breads, and fruits.
@___@
*Insert crying face emoji here
I am also pretty certain that I consumed hardly ANY vegetables on this challenge. My poor gut. My poor tummy. I'M SORRY GUYS, I'M JUST A SUCKER FOR THE GOOD STUFF... =;C
Anywho! I really like seeing my life set out on the page like this. It feels so ordered and clean, and even though the results are TERRIFYINGLY ATROCIOUS, I can see what I'm doing wrong and there is a chance to fix it, even if I won't, because I know what to do and all of that adds up to make me surprisingly satisfied. ^_^
I really wanted to analyze these figures and make some super long post about all the intricate things, but I spent a literal ONE SOLID HOUR writing out those figures and then adding them up- the adding! the adding! why so much addingggggg!?- and I really want to watch more Supernatural so I'll leave it at that!
What a time it has been. I hope everyone has appreciated my honesty and hard work (ha! jk) and good luck with those who want to try it too! It's certainly something! What that something is, is yet to be revealed, but it is there and it is tangible. No it's not. Ok, bye!
💖
Okaaaaaaaaaay! Hello there!
I'm going to throw some figures at you and if you are displeased at such throwing, it is all good, just look away and pretend it never happened. Kind of like what I've done with my month of no spending (hue hue hue).
So. I have once again shaken too much garlic granules into my mushroom soup and FUCK ME is it garlicky. Sorry for anyone who has the misfortune of being near me for the next day or so.
Aaaan moving on.
Here are The Figures...
List of the entire month's spending:
Day 1 - Petrol 30.00
Day 2 - Father's day ingredients 17.38
Day 3 - 0
Day 4 - Jatz 2.00
woman things 5.20
TOTAL: 7.20
Day 5 - coffee 8.00
Day 6 - woman things 2.40
Day 7 - 0
Day 8 - Petrol 30.00
Ice cream 4.51
2x chocolates 2.00
bread 3.49
hungry jacks onion rings and fries 2.00
TOTAL: 12.00 + 30.00 petrol = 42.00
Day 9 - 0 (?)
Day 10 - Eggs 1.99
Cheese 4.00
Yoghurt #1 3.29
Yoghurt #2 3.50
chips 2.85
4 bananas 2.10
blueberries 4.99
Chocolate milkshake 3.98
TOTAL: 26.70
Day 11 - 0
Day 12 - 0
Day 13 - cheezles 1.49
chicken chips 1.99
bread 1.79
TOTAL: 5.27
Day 14 - peanut butter 5.49
butter 1.99
TOTAL: 7.48
Day 15 - 0
Day 16 - 0
Day 17 - Petrol 30.00
packet of chips 2.00
TOTAL: 32.00
Day 18 - 0
Day 19 - 0
Day 20 - Maccas meals x 2 15.90
Day 21 - Twisties 4,99
rosemary chips 6.09
giant freddo frog 1.59
small yoghurt 3.29
TOTAL: 15.96
[the HORRENDOUS prices I am seeing. That yoghurt above, just there? THREE DOLLARS TWENTY NINE? That was the smallest tub of yummiest goodness, but I can get a large tub about four times that size for the same price! Stop shopping at service stations Cerri!]
Day 22 - toilet paper 6.99
3x bananas 1.03
blueberries on special 2.99
rye bread 3.49
Yoghurt tub 6.39
TOTAL: food 13.90 + toilet paper 6.99 = 20.89
Day 23 - 0
Day 24 - 0
Day 25 - 0
Day 26 - 0
Day 27 - Oats 1.20
Cinnamon 2.46
Twisties 1.99
Car Rego 191.00
TOTAL: 5.65 + rego 191.00 = 196.65
Day 28 - Petrol 30.00
ice cream 4.80
TOTAL: 34.80
Day 29 - phone credit 30.00
housewarming present 7.00
chicken chips 1.49
kettle chips 2.99
bbq grill chips 2.67
lollies 1.50
iced coffee 2.65
freddo frog faces 4.15
1 pear 60c
1 mandarin 42c
blueberries 2.99
milk 1.50
bread 1.99
toothpaste 1.80
block of chocolate 2.99
brownie mix 4.69
TOTAL: food 30.63 + credit 30.00 = 60.63
+ present 7.00 = 67.63
+ toothpaste 1.80 = 69.43
Day 30 - packet chips 2.00
lollies 2.20
alcohol for housewarming party 26.99
TOTAL: 31.19
ENTIRE MONTHLY FOOD TOTAL: 198.86
NON-FOOD EXPENSES: 16.39
ESSENTIAL EXPENSES PAID: 120.00
BILLS PAID: 191.00
OTHER NON-FOOD NON-EXPENSE ITEMS: 7.00
TOTAL MONEY SPENT: 533.25
Now that's pretty alarming considering that my food budget in total was only 12.90 and that equals to 12.90 x 4 weeks in this month = 51.60. I know I was confused for some reason and did my normal 'oh I have no idea what I'm doing in life, ahahaha ahahhhhh haaahhhhhhaaaaaaaa, watch me twirl!' spiel, but nonetheless!! 198.86 is a lot of money.
AMOUNT SPENT ON CHIPS: 30.55
AMOUNT SPENT ON CHOCOLATE: 42.59
AMOUNT SPENT ON ALL NON-NUTRITIONAL FOODS: 127.88
Which means out of that entire food total above 198.86 - 127.88 of crap = 70.98 and that would be mostly yoghurts, breads, and fruits.
@___@
*Insert crying face emoji here
I am also pretty certain that I consumed hardly ANY vegetables on this challenge. My poor gut. My poor tummy. I'M SORRY GUYS, I'M JUST A SUCKER FOR THE GOOD STUFF... =;C
Anywho! I really like seeing my life set out on the page like this. It feels so ordered and clean, and even though the results are TERRIFYINGLY ATROCIOUS, I can see what I'm doing wrong and there is a chance to fix it, even if I won't, because I know what to do and all of that adds up to make me surprisingly satisfied. ^_^
I really wanted to analyze these figures and make some super long post about all the intricate things, but I spent a literal ONE SOLID HOUR writing out those figures and then adding them up- the adding! the adding! why so much addingggggg!?- and I really want to watch more Supernatural so I'll leave it at that!
What a time it has been. I hope everyone has appreciated my honesty and hard work (ha! jk) and good luck with those who want to try it too! It's certainly something! What that something is, is yet to be revealed, but it is there and it is tangible. No it's not. Ok, bye!
💖
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