Can I change my order?

Day 30 delves deep into the truest wants, needs, and flighty fancies of today- such as 'do I really need that lemonade with ice or is it just a delightful way to cool down in a house with no air-conditioning?'

Today has been very interesting in a way that can only be described as Those Little Moments. Such as, I went to work in a fit of 'I only slept a broken three hours again!! I am SO BLOODY TIRED I'm having the ol "can't hold my drink properly so there it goes spilling on my pants again! Oh, wait, it didn't, fuck I'm amazing"' type gig. Man, I don't think I've slept a solid seven hours a night for a good month in about two years.

But yes, the little moments were: getting to work and doing a good job, but falling behind because of the ample tireds, then receiving help from one of the ladies who didn't have to help me at all. Somehow being organised af with all the dietary changes, people going out for lunch that never said so I had to flurry around dealing with that, staff not turning up resulting in myself and the other lady doing more than our fair share of work, and just generally going with the flow in a calm/tired/spaced-out-so-not-even-caring kind of way. The lady on yesterday had filled out all my menus so I didn't have to run around for one whole hour collecting people's food choices, which meant I could deal with the other work from the no-shows, which all worked out really well. 

Remembering that I had to pay for a meal I had with a friend at a cafe yesterday where we walked out without paying because they served us at the table, and receiving a FREE COFFEE when I did pay. ^_^

Getting to the 12 items or less checkout with one jar of coffee, a chickpea and lentil dinner thing, and bread, to have the guy in font of me insist I go before him because I had more items than him.

Ok!

Now!

This isn't part of my whole 'clean eating joke of the year, ah ha ha ha Cerri, she cracks me up, thing', but for the past fortnight I have been watching food documentaries, namely 'Cowspiracy' and 'What the Health?' and just today 'Food Inc.'

They are fascinating.

Unfortunately it's confused me to no end.

I had my suspicions a long long time ago that basically 75% of the supermarket is processed and packet crap, and the other 25% is pesticide/chemical ridden garbage posing as 'fruit and veg'. It's just always been a fact for me because you go into the supermarket and it's there in front of you. What are chips? Some form of tampered potato doused in heavy amounts of chemical-laden seasoning. What is coke? Rubbish, it's entirely rubbish, bubbles, sugar, and dye and anything harmful like bleach because it can apparently clean a toilet, HOWEVER, vinegars are also used as a cleaning agent, so you know. They don't have the apparent sixteen teaspoons of sugar added or whatever.

Chocolate? Well apparently chocolate isn't even chocolate, or cocoa, because it's jam packed with sugar and flavours etc, ice cream is just processed milky stuff and sugar, yoghurt is apparently treated with fillers, sugar and colouring, and what even are soy crisps?

So those are the known unfoods that pretty much everyone knows are dodgy. Yoghurt is different because it's widely thought of as healthy, but most of them have sugar as one of the top three ingredients.

These documentaries claim that meat causes cancer, dairy causes a range of diseases among women because of the added hormones and tampering, and basically the general premise of all three docos was: 'your food is not food anymore. It is genetically, scientifically, and technologically abused to create better tasting/more addictive foods for the public, more money for the government/the only four corporations actually involved in the entire range of food sold in supermarkets, because at a global level they want to use brainwashing and mind control to enslave the population because they like feeling powerful. The people are demanding cheaper, better tasting, bigger meals now more than ever.

I literally can never eat an entire meal at a restaurant because I either get really uncomfortably full, feel like a glutton, or get annoyed at having to carry half of it home, trying not to forget it sitting in my car, remembering it's in my fridge, etc.

You know. On a more weirder level. My brain works better when I am not full. I notice myself thinking faster, sharper, clearer after eating salads and little light meals, and having lots of water.

And I think, 'is this a form of control? making us so fat and slow with food that all we will want to do is watch the ample supply of food programs and exciting tv shows/movies, which then propels us to go out and buy more food because we see it on tv, or buy another tv, or better sound system, or better kitchen ware, because the ads say so. I don't watch tv, but when I do involuntarily at work most of it is just ads anyway. It's loud, annoying, and repetitive, so at some point in our lives we will hum a tune or think of something we MUST GET and we will subconsciously think of that place and go there.

I wanted to go to Fantastic Furniture to get my goods. I searched the internet and found a few items I liked, and then someone mentioned about an independent furniture shop that was closing down, and so I went there and was BLOWN AWAY BY THE SEX GODS THAT APPARENTLY DO CARPENTRY IN THEIR SPARE TIME. 

Then I went to Fantastic Furniture and was massively disappointed.

ANOTHER THING.

I'm reading this book called 'Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle' by Doreen Virtue, and she has some really good theories about how trauma survivors can fall into the cycle of being addicted to drama and chaos because it activates their energetic fight/flight response that these people have being dealing with for a long time. Because they deal with it for so long, it becomes normal, and so they need to sort of get an upper, and they do this by watching exciting action movies or thriller/horror shows.

So I thought then about how it's encouraged today to eat snacks with tv, as I have been rocking out with this whole year, and if these people are getting an adrenaline high that they associate with danger from their trauma, they'll then want comforting snacks in the form of sugary addictive cakes, creamy hormone disrupting ice creams, and chemically malformed mcdonalds burger meals etc.

It's bad enough that these people could also be abusing alcohol or drugs.

I understand that the entire world is not like this. These documentaries are based in America, so you know, but America is a really influential country that could leak it's unhealthy ways into Australia and England etc. And I understand also that documentaries are biased because they have a point to get across, but at least with these ones the people in them did their best to contact both sides of the argument for answers. Or so they show us.

The bases of the Food Inc documentary was about how most of the products in American shopping markets are made from corn because corn is such a versatile plant. It's apparently being manipulated into all sorts of products- even non-food items- and fed to cows, which is apparently horrendous because cows digestive systems are not set up for corn. But it's so cheap! 

Also, according to Food Inc, there are only a handful of actual meat factories around all run by the same people who worked their way into the government positions of power so they could pass bills that disallowed the health organisation to do sanitary checks on their factories, AND THE FACT that supposed real life footage was shot that showed meat being dunked and spray-cleaned by ammonia. This is because cows are standing knee deep in their own excrement, then hoisted inhumanely by machines or scooped up and carted away in awkward and most likely painful positions in tractors, to be dumped in sheds, and killed horribly, all the while with excrement and bacteria and flies etc still on their backsides. So what was the solutions to the salmonella outbreaks that occurred years ago, multiple times, resulting in multiple deaths- some children? Not actually doing the humane thing and setting up better living conditions for these poor cows, no, it was, well the meat needs to be cleaned, so we'll clean it.

Yes.

Thanks for displaying your intelligent, mature, compassionate, well thought out decision-making skills, government. Solution: bandaid it. In other words: cover it up.

The only real situation in which this 'bandaid situation' works is basically in a bandage form, for a cut or wound that needs protection from air and invasive objects/further injury to site.

Just like this pill-popping notion our society has gotten itself into, the answer is not to cover it up, but to dig deep and find the cause of the problem, and start there.

But this is common sense! Common knowledge! This is the thinking of people who value more than money and power. The band aid solution rises out of greed, panic, and fear, and when has anything good ever come from acting out of fear?

TO BE FAIR, society does demand its moneys worth. Society, me included, would go ape shit if we couldn't have our favourite creamy, chemically treat whenever we want it at it's cheapest price. Like, we deserve it, don't we, after watching all this horrible news and dealing with shit people and situations on a daily basis.

Anyway,

My point is.

I always knew a lot of food we see is not food. It's chemicals designed to hook us in and keep us enslaved because the health industry is a boomer, which plays on the fear of people so they hand over their money because they don't know where to start, where to go, or what is true, and this isn't a recent tactic either. 

But I didn't realise that I would be so effected by something that I always knew about.

I went into the shop yesterday and all I could think about was how a doctor in america was claiming yoghurt had fillers injected into it to plump it up, and then all I could see was that woman injecting fillers into this chicken and the skin puffed up right before my eyes (I mean it was on the screen so could be edited, with, like, photoshop or some advanced tech program...), and I was like BUT I WANT MY YOGHURT. I LOVE YOGHURT.

So I just bought a little ready made cup of salad and fruit, and some falafel balls with tablouleh.

Then today I only went into the shops to buy coffee as I am out entirely, and I was wandering around, suddenly aware that I hadn't eaten a proper meal, or any food, since 12 lunch because I came home and fell asleep, so I looked around and I literally stopped and almost screamed 'WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT??!!' Like, I don't want cancer, hormone issues, diabetes, food poisoning, heart issues, respiratory issues, depression, anxiety, chemical related anything diseases, BUT THAT'S ALL THERE IS.

So I've decided in my vague way that I'm going to try and grow all my own vegetables, bake my own bread, make my own almond milk and yoghurt, and somehow live entirely, all together, ON MY OWN, and fuck the fucking system.

FUCK.

And I mean I know that I could get hit by a car tomorrow and die, and float up to heaven in my silky af gown and perfectly placed halo, thinking, 'fuck sake Cerri, if only you had just eaten that delicious cancer-inducing burger, and that smoothass chocolate mousse, and XMAS PUDDING. YOU LOVE XMAS PUDDING YOU FOOL. GET BACK DOWN THERE AND BUY SOME RIGHT NOW, WITH THE REQUIRED BRANDY CUSTARD, AND EAT IT IN ALL THE MERRY JOY OF ALL THE PEOPLE TO ENJOY THINGS EVER'.

Jeez, Angel Cerri is a demanding bossy dick. But surely heaven would have those things already, if it's my heaven. 

But!

Today has reminded me that life is not about food. We are CONSTANTLY bombarded with images, videos, dramatic soap operas of cooking kitchens, food adverts, places to eat at, meet friends at, have celebrations at all these food diners, it's insane. Food and spending are the literal backbone of the western society, and then they come out with 9/10 people are stressed, the other 1 are lying, 6/7 people are having heart attacks/heart issues, 193963/19 people are depressed or have anxiety and it's socially acceptable to actually have it so half are probably just dealing with daily life but over dramatising everything because the sudden expectation of anyone's life now is to be 100% perfect all the time, so why wouldn't you have one or the other? Is your life entirely perfect? It can't be, therefore you must either be stressed, depressed, anxious, neurotic, lying, on drugs, or simple.

Life is about the little things that we do for others and the fun situations we share. It sounds cliche, but it is.

I'm now extremely annoyed to walk into any supermarket, which in itself is annoying, because I know that it can't be that bad in this country, and because I used to LOVE shopping. Now I'm suspicious of everything and tired of it all.

Maybe I'm just tired. And I'm confused as to what I need to do for my body. What is true? What is just overkill, speculation, a way to get rid of the opposition?

On another note. I've been drinking a lot of lemonade lately and I've noticed a bit of acne around my jawline, so that is also annoying af.

Alright.

=End of rant=

Let's sail away on high seas in a haste kind of way, and jump into the last week of food log! Horray!

What a time it has been. ^__^

Foods I ate on Tuesday

6.30 ish am - most likely two toasts with vegemite, black coffee

8.00 - one white coffee, because I noticed I now need that second cup to perk me up >_<

10.15 - toasted butter sandwich? ohhh noo, I had a packet of light and tangy chips, and an Aero chocolate bar

half a bottle of water

1.30 ish pm - white coffee

4.30 ish - half a packet of sour cream stackers chips

Half a bottle of water

5.12 - one beef burger with the lot, onion, egg, lettuce etc

sips of water

One jumbo frozen sprite

one cup of water

Maybe the rest of the sour cream chips while watching Black Books

(I don't watch commercial tv. I have netflix)

Waters consumed

one whole bottle, some sips, one cup, one jumbo sprite

Foods I ate on Wednesday

9.00 am - two toasts with peanut butter, and I was annoyed at having no moist food. My plan was to soak oats overnight so they softened and eat them with blueberries and cinnamon but no yoghurt :(

11.00 ish - one white coffee

one water

probably some sips of water

1.00 pm ish - a falafel and tabblouleh pack, with about six little falafel balls and a big load of tabbouleh and spinach, which I ended up leaving at the parents, one white coffee

two glasses of lemon cordial

5.40 - one slice of delicious cherry ripe cake, one iced coffee, one slice of mushroom and cheese pizza, while out at a cafe with a friend.

one glass of lemonade

Waters consumed

one water (most likely a glass), some sips, two lemon cordials, one lemonade

Foods I consumed today! LAST DAY, WOOHOO!!

5.05 am - one black coffee

6.00 - two slices of bread with vegemite

one whole bottle of water

9.00 ish - a handful of jatz crackers because I was STARVING, and one banana that tasted ick

10.30 - white coffee, cup of ready cut veggies and fruit for smoothie: apple pieces, celery pieces, grapes, cucumber, lemon, kale

half a bottle of water

12.30 pm - a bowlful of chicken thai curry that was DELICIOUS, some cooked plain chicken- I KNOW I KNOW- pumpkin, carrot, zucchini, and broccoli.

sips of water

one white coffee

6.00 ish - one apricot, and one mouldy strawberry by accident. GOD DAMMIT SUPERMARKETS.

one lemonade

9.00 - one ready made meal of Lentil and Chickpea with freekeh (whatever that is), I know that can't be entirely fresh and natural and healthy, but it's like choosing the lesser of two evils.

one lemonade

Waters consumed

one and a half bottles, some sips, two lemonades

DONE.

YAY.

CONGRATS CERRI!!!

YOU PROBABLY ATE A SWEET/JUNKY THING EVERY SINGLE DAY. WELL DONE!

To be honest, this challenge activated the part of me that wanted the sweets every day and I was not interested in doing the healthy way without any junk, as much as I was really into recording all my shiz.

This month I focused more on feeding my iron deficiency, because living on only 7% of iron when the female body is supposed to have between 20-200, is THE WORST. I felt tired and faint ALL THE TIME. I actually felt like I was dying because my entire body felt horrible: tired, lethargic, faint, irritable, lack of concentration, unable to move quick, entirely and wholly sick, as if something inside my body was slowly killing me.

And it kind of was, because there was a little tiny polyp inside my endometrial cavity making me continuously bleed for about a good five months, and then about two/three months after that without any iron supplements at all, and I don't eat much meat anyway so I was almost literally out.

I know the meat industry, even if it's only in America, is a corrupt production line of abuse and ill-practise, because it's a manufacturer designed to cater for the ever-growing public needs so there's no way in hell every single factory would be operating in a proper way. Anyone who's ever worked in the real world, with retail or food, knows how fast and hard these places can be. People just choose not to think about it.

But I needed surgery to remove the polyp because my surgeon told me that the polyp will turn into endometrial cancer by the time I'm 40-50, and that's scary, especially when every other health professional was telling me most cases they don't and it's fine. So I now need as much iron as I can get as quickly as I can get so I can get off these tablets, because once again, who knows what's in them? Adding to the confusion is that since I've started my burger escapade, I've felt SO MUCH BETTER!!

So something there must be working, and I'll take it for now. 

In the future I'd like to be totally sustainable and healthy getting my iron from plant bases because I still believe that meat is treated some how, in a harmful way- although I believe chips and chocolate are worse because of the sugar- and I want to limit my exposure to toxins. Natural has to be better, and if nothing else, I'd like to just try the natural vegan way to see how my body reacts.

Milk and dairy have always made my nose runny, gives me a cough, and I'm coming to think it gives me bloat, too.

And I know that there is a bigger cycle to things than just the meat and dairy industry backing cancer research that tells the public to eat meat even though studies prove they cause cancer and hormonal upsets, and that animal products are bad for us so eat these plants and sign our petitions and buy are overpriced vegan alternatives etc. The documentaries pointed out issues like over-farming to make way for cow and pig farms, cutting down of the rainforests and losing natural habitat, dead zones in the ocean where animal waste run-off just sits, ocean life becoming extinct, the greenhouse affect of our entire planet as the earth gets hotter and hotter with nowhere for the industrial/polluted/animal gases to go, civil right issues where unhygienic hog farms are located in low socio-economic areas, the whole lack of human autonomy, brainwashing, control, unfair situations caused by the government and health professionals that we are supposed to trust with out lives.

Do they not know? Or do they know but don't care?

If you go vegan because you care about how animals are treated, and you also don't want to to suffer from the chemical exposure, doesn't that mean you also think that it's wrong for the government to allow this to happen in the first place, and if it's is in such a boom, when does it stop? If you watch the documentaries and see how bad the environment is being treated just to create a single hamburger, don't you feel outraged at how big this situation really is, and sort of scared at how far it will go? It's not just 'I don't eat meat because I like cows and chickens are my friends', it's 'we all hear how they're plumping up chickens four times their normal size, while they're ALIVE, so we can eat supersized meals in a zombiefied state while destroying our entire planet, and NO ONE is moved by this?' So like, in essence, we're being told what to eat and we are being given what to eat without any say whatsoever. The people who get sick or die and try to sue/take action, are ignored, silenced, or killed. 

~~ Here, have an anti-anxiety tablet.

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Day 27 is hello, I'd like to order your pumpkiniest pumpkin spiced vanilla caramel latte and finally make my presence known to such an abomination
Yes.
Hello there!
All the way from LAST WHENEVER IT WAS I THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE.
How's it going?

Ok. Let's be real. This challenge is balls up hard. The hardest of the hard. No! Harder than that! THE HARDEST.
You know what? I am FLABBERGASTED as to how much shit I eat, literally all the time. I have never once put in here 'grilled fish and steamed vegetables' or 'roast chicken with veg' or 'chicken and noodle stir-fry'.
Man.
On the other hand, my room is coming along superbly. I have almost finished sorting all my beading stuff, which is a lot of beads, and arranged all the piles of stuff I own into storage boxes so I can breathe all the calm and yen and lotus flower and water trickling through the soft supple fingers of an eighteen year old virgin.
It's amazing how a space of organised clean can leak on out into other areas of your life. Today my working shifts were also of the superb variety, and that means: flowing calmly like an oriental river, smooth, with precision, and maybe with a couple of pink cherry blossom petals floating serenely on top. I certainly did my best to look serene and pink and like I had just elegantly fallen from a really tall branch.
So, having witnessed all the adventure of the above, I realised that I need to seriously get my shit together with the food. I need to stop dallying about in the grocery store, feeling all orgasmic and nancy over the aisles of heavenly choice, the bliss of potential, and the never-ending ever-coming dreaded Receipt of Purchase.

PLAN:
1. Write out a list of the foods I actually eat. Not what I like to eat, or want to eat, or feel like eating at the time of writing. A list of foods I continuously eat all the time. Like bread and caster sugar.

2. Modify list to cut out any junk. Add in foods that I like and will actually eat if readily available (eg, cooked broccoli and salmon steaks).

3. Buy the same ingredients every shop for four shops. Just four. Not a whole month because a whole month sounds like a very long time, and you will end up doing what you are currently doing, which is NOTHING. Just four minuscule shops. Out of your entire existence. Which could end tomorrow, but you know what I mean.

4. Make a time every week to food prep. Just one day a week. Food prep. Done.

5. Eat food. Feel fabulous. Win at life.

6. Woohoo! ^_^


~So let's work backwards again!

Foods I have eaten today - Monday
5.10 am - one vegemite sandwich, black coffee
One white coffee
Two glasses of water
7 ish - one bread with marmalade because I thought I felt hungry
one glass of water
9.10 - white coffee, butter toasty, little packet of cheese and onion chips
12.15 pm - all the beef burger pieces left in the pan (probs two handfuls) with onion sauce, and some broccoli, carrot and pumpkin
one glass of water
one glass of water
3.05 - one white coffee
4.00 - one little packet of chicken chips
some bottle water
7.00 - a bowl of ice cream with ice magic >__<

Exercise I have done today
Guys, must we do this? We all know what the deal is here

Water I have consumed today
5 glasses and some bottled water


Foods I ate yesterday - Sunday
9 ish am - I think it was vegemite on toast but I can't be sure it wasn't oats with the scrapings of yoghurt, black coffee
11 ish - white coffee
Some toast in here?
12 ish pm - one roll of beef teriyaki sushi and one roll of cooked salmon sushi
3.00 ish - white coffee
one of my gluten free cupcake monstrosities made with runnyish overly-pink frosting and a dollop of deformed cream on top
6.13 - the last of the pasta napoliana
PROBABLY A LOT OF WATERS IN HERE
--- some xmas chocolates I bought earlier today that I intend to give as presents...

Exercise I have done today

Waters I have consumed yesterday
Most probably a lot


Foods I ate the day before yesterday - Saturday
6.40 ish am - scrapings of yoghurt with oats? black coffee
8.00 - one white coffee
10.00 - white coffee, butter toasty
12.30 pm - little slice of honeycomb cheesecake
water
2.30 - white coffee
4.00 ish - two butter toasts
IT'S ALL BUTTER TOAST
8.00 ish - one cupcake monstrosity that I baked today
some powerade drink
a few sips of coffee
12.14 am the next day - bowl of pasta napoliana

Food I have purchased this week
GROCERY
The ONLY receipt I can find is the one for the xmas chocolates   ^__^(sweat drop here)

26/11/17 Sunday
Chocolate confectionery x4 = 7.96
TOTAL                                      7.96

Well.

25/11/17 Saturday (from memory)
Bread  2.99
Twisties  2.89?
Powerade drink  2.49
Fruit salad container  4.99
Cousous that I left out in the kitchen for twelve hours today..  4.99
Icing mixture  Not a clue. 2.89?
Maybe something else
TOTAL                                            21.24  that sounds about right 

EXTRAS
2 rolls of one salmon sushi and one teriyaki beef sushi  5.60
one gigantic christmas rumball  2.80?
2x packets of chips  4.00
1 packet of cheezles  2.00
TOTAL                                                14.40


ALL TOGETHER     
7.96 + 21.24 + 14.40 = 43.60

The food situation:
Food in my freezer:
   4x frozen meals
   1x soup
   1x ice cream container of soup
   1x quarter packet of frozen vegetables
   1x slice of bacon
   2x pasta salads
   5 3x snack bags of frozen peas
   1x quarter of puff pastry
   2x fish
   2x containers if cut up watermelon
   6x slices of bread

Food in my fridge:
   1x 3 quarters carton of milk
   2 eggs
   1x half a jar of jam I haven't touched for about two years
   1x quarter of apple cider vinegar
   1x zucchini slice
   2x kiwi fruit
   3x containers of cut up pineapple
   1 mango
   3x containers of brown rice and chickpea mixture
   1x large bowl of plain brown rice
   1x whole cucumber
   1x three quarters of apple juice
   1x punnet of strawberries
   1x half loaf of bread

Food in pantry:
   1x three quarters of jar of peanutshitbutter
   1x half bag of brown rice
   1x bottle half of olive oil
   1x can of gluten free pasta sauce
   1x gluten free pasta (my housemate is gf)
   1x  half a jar of forest berry jam
   2x cloves of garlic  
   1 new clove of garlic
   And, misc baking stuff such as: food colourings, sprinkles, gluten free flour, sugar, drinking chocolate, candy hearts etc.
   1x half quarter pkt of weetbix
   1x quarter of Robert Timms coffee
   1x half a vial of ground cinnamon
   1x half vegemite jar
   1x three quarters beef stock powder gluten free
   1x jar of pickled veg that I will not eat nor know what to do with as it was a present from my mum and no one else wants it
   1x half jar or crystalised honey
   1x half a freddo frog chocolate block that I will give to my parents tomorrow
   1x pure green tea box
   1x ginger and apple tea box
   1x English Breakfast tea box

Food in basket:
   2x onions that have been there for about two weeks months
   1x orange
   3x bananas
   2x apples
   2x new unbelievably old onions


Food tally for the period  13/11/17 to 27/11/17 fuck me
BREAKFASTS
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ one zucchini slice
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ maybe oats, maybe toast
~ two toasts with peanut butter or vegemite SLIPPIN YO ASS
~ two toasts with vegemite
~ oats with cinnamon and yoghurt OR two toasts with something
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with yoghurt and cut up mango
~ oats with yoghurt
~ oats with yoghurt
~ scrapings of yoghurt and oats
~ or was it here that I had scrapings of yoghurt with oats, or was it toast?
~ one vegemite sandwich


LUNCHES
~ some chicken kiev and pumpkin
~ half a cucumber sandwich, six dried apricots, two chocolate bars
~ two toasts with butter
~ little bowl of cut up sausages in gravy
~ hmmmmm
~ beef burger with egg, onion, cheese
~ two toasts with butter or half a vegemite sandwich
~ little bowl of pork steaks with mushroom sauce, and a piece of sponge cake
~ plain butter toasty
~ beef yiros with tomato, lettuce and hommus
~ massive bowl of pasta napoliana
~ bowl of beef burgers with onion sauce, pumpkin, carrots and broccoli
Bros, work and their meat menu is literally saving my iron-deficient ass. Power to em
~ two butter toasts
~ two sushi rolls
~ beef  burgers with onion and broccoli, pumpkin and carrot

DINNERS
~ a bowl of watermelon
~ 3/4 packet of chips, a few jelly beans FUCK ME WHAT
~ a few mouthfuls of plain rice
~ two toasts with butter
~ well
~ two meat pies that were very nice
~ BenHur's burger! Yumeroo!
~ one raspberry cup and one choc mousse cup, one pringle can
~ barnacle bill fish dinner
~ ready made meal of peri peri chicken
~ salmon steak with broccoli and potato
~ one packet of cheezles?
~ bowl of napoliana pasta
~ bowl of napoliana pasta
~ ice cream and ice magic

The problem is, is that I never have a set dinner time. When I was growing up dinner was always at 6pm sharp. Obviously when I escaped the nest I rebelled hardcore, sometimes eating at gasp TEN P M. So I can't tell if my 4pm two toasts are tea, or if my 11pm feast from the gods is the actual tea.
This is my life.

SNACKS
~ toast with vegemite
~ brown rice with garlic, onion and spices
~ AND ANOTHER THING. I eat something like brown rice etc at 2pm in the afternoon which is snack time, so I record it as a snack, and then I eat watermelon at 8pm, which is tea time so I record that as tea, and so, there you have the true reason behind my madness.
~ half a cucumber sandwich
~ dried apricots
~ peas
~ jatz crackers
~ half vegemite sandwich
~ jelly
~ banana
~ yoghurt

SWEETS
~ ice cream with ice magic
~ chips
~ jelly beans
~ lemonade
~ custard and jelly bowl
~ chicken chips
~ raspberry custard cup
~ chocolate mousse cup
~ sour cream pringles
~ roses chocolates
~ canned peaches
~ ice cream with ice magic
~ round apple teacake
~ packet of cheezles
~ chocolate rum ball
~ chocolate bar
~ one packet of twisties
~ slice of honeycomb cheesecake
~ two cupcake monstrosities
~ four xmas chocolates
~ one packet of cheese chips
~ one packet of chicken chips
~ bowl of ice cream and ice magic

AMEN

Running on four hours of sleep after a ten hour day.. ANOTHER thing I must fix... U__@💖

Can you wait one minute?

Day 23 & 24 has some sprinkles of success, much like the minimal amount used when adding nutmeg because who wants a fucktonne of that spice in their mouth? Play it safe people!
Or in my personal opinion, just steer clear of nutmeg altogether. Unless on pie.

Food logeroo! Come at me broo!

Foods I have eaten yesterday
LET'S SEE.
Oh my god I cannot even remember what I did yesterday.
OH yes! I saw my good friend Kristopher! Aahahahahhhhaaaaa. ^_^
9.00 ish am - cold oats with yoghurt. I'm slipping with the whole cinnamon and fruit thing. Black coffee. Am I the only person who gets really excited the night before because I'll get to have coffee in the morning? I must be. No one else is that munted.
10.40 ish - white coffee
12.12 pm ish - a small bowl of plain yoghurt
12.50 - one hot chocolate and a massive bowl of spaghetti napoliana (or some such) that I only ate a quarter of
Maybe a water in here
white coffee I think
4.49 - one massively delicious chocolate christmas rum ball because shit was going down and I was fed up, worn out, hot, tired, emotionally unstable ACTUALLY, like I spent a whopping 150 in a fit of shopping spree, and even though it was really just all of my christmas shopping in one hit done, it felt like I was unravelling at a fast speed, or more like skidding with one foot out along a patch of slippery icy road, headed straight for a massive oak tree where I would crash into a comical fashion and all the children watching would laugh.
I just needed to bite into pure chocolate. Do you know how hard it is to find GOOD chocolate cake/slice/cupcake that is actually a moist bunch of chocolate? Most of it is just stale cupcake base and some lame whipped cream, or hard chocolate icing, or not chocolatey enough, or like a donut that is not even worth mentioning, or stale slice of chocolate cake with a thin layer of hard icing on top and I mean, HOW IS ONE SUPPOSED TO LIVE in a world like this???
~
5.30 - a salmon steak with broccoli, carrot and potato. I ate all of the potato and actually didn't even tough the carrot
two glasses of water

Exercise I did yesterday
NONE. Except all that running around, oh wait, it was more like strolling through the crowds of people as if I actually one hundred per cent had no worries at all.

Waters I consumed
two glasses and some


Food I have eaten today
Back on track!
6.40 am - cold oats with yoghurt and black coffee
10.00 - one apple little round tea cake that was SO YUM. Buttered toasty, white coffee
I think I live of coffee. I just must. I don't seem to eat anything yet I look six month pregnant and only appear to drink coffee and snack on plain toast and oats daily.
WHERE ARE THE VEGETABLES??
12.33 pm - bowl of beef burgers in onion sauce, with pumpkin, carrots and broccoli.
Ahhhh, there they are.
2.10 - white coffee
3.20 - leftover spaghetti and another round apple tea cake.
RESISTED CREME BRULEE. IT SHOULD BE NOTED AND CELEBRATED BECAUSE CREME BRULEE IS MY FAVOURITE.
However, mistakenly bought cheezles- it was! I got spacey and put in 2.20 of coins, then entered 220, thinking that was the number, and it wouldn't let me press the 0 but it did drop down the packet of cheezles and for the first time in my life I was mournful at seeing them spread out before me, because all I wanted was a cool bottle of water to ease my headache. So ate them in the car, WHILST drinking the water.

And that is all.

Now I must take my iron tablet before I forget for the third day running and hit the bed at 8.35 pm because I am WIPED.

Good day to you.
💗

Is this not right?

Week 3 - Day 17 & 18 & 19 & 20 & 21 & 22 because who needs broccoli infused spinach puffs soaked in turmeric and cardamom spiced oil drizzled with lavender dressing?
Not me.

ONE WHOLE WEEK!! WHERE HAVE I BEEN? DID I SPONTANEOUSLY FLY TO HAWAII TO GET MY GRASS SKIRTS AND PINEAPPLE MARGARITAS ON?
One can wish!
No, I've just been literally hanging out doing sweet FA. Yes, the sweetest FA, which also includes desperately trying to fit all my crap into the only two storage units I have - them being the new wardrobe and the three drawer bedside cabinet. Now, it's all beautifully amazing. The purchased are gold. But I'm trying to do this thing where I arrange everything first by category, then by usefulness, then by visibility.
However, the fact remains, that I have too much stuff.
T_T
I actually don't have that much, there's just nowhere to store it so it looks like a lot all piled on my floor.

The Stuff.
Wardrobe is where all the clothes go. This sounds pretty straight forward, doesn't it, but there are times when I refused to look at any of the bags because after the clothes were all arranged in season and type, I realised there were only four drawers for all of my underwear, lingerie (and for some reason I have A LOT of that), a bag full of hats, two bags full of shoes, socks, scarves, gloves, random belts I never knew I owned, and other misc items like purses, umbrellas and bags.
THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES.
So I left that alone for a good three days.

I sorted the stationery and crafting supplies I used all the time into my desk cabinet, feeling at odds with how much I could reach and how to store everything so I could reach it. The cabinet also doesn't leave a lot of room of the actual desk for me to potentially put up a paper file sorter, a pin board to get a mood/novel/projects/organisational system going there, which I really NEED and would LOVE, and just allow me to have notebooks and bits out on it.

The whole idea of these new surfaces was to keep them clean and free of items, so that entering the room would be an escape from the crazy world of chaos. Like a sigh of relief.
I HAVE NEVER HAD THIS SIGH OF RELIEF, EVER.
Things are always messy, cramped, overflowing, unhygienic, neglected, and downright annoying. And these things aren't even in my room! There is no need for things to be this way. Unless you are in a coma or a quadriplegic, you can do some tidying on a daily basis.
And that's what I've been doing. After work and on days off for the past week I have attacked one area and one pile.

The first and second drawer of my bedside table is an absolute dream. I can't tell you- well actually I can. It's a dream.
It's like waking up and needing some tissues, eyeliner, nail clippers, vitamin C tabs, and sliding open the drawer of sex to reveal it right there and then, no funny business. No more searching for aloe cream in a fit of rage and pulling chunks of hair out, then going out to the nearest wig shop wearing oversized sunglasses and a man jacket to buy another chestnut brown hairpiece for your balding uncle while explaining that your night job at the Shurfenfrojzden Center leaves your eyes sensitive to light, and could this possibly be twenty five per cent off considering it's the fiftieth one you've purchased one this year?
FOR SCIENCE.

Every time I experience these mingled feelings of despair, irritability, incensed rage, and that familiar 'HELP I'M SINKING IN QUICKSAND! CALL ONE OF THOSE HOARDING CLEARERS SLASH ORGANISATIONAL EXPERTS STAT!' feeling, I leave it all and go have a coffee. Maybe some chocolate. Or ice cream with mint ice magic. Put on Supernatural. Thank GOD I'm not sentenced to hell. Admire Dean's cheekbones. Vow to work out and get those very same cheekbones. Think that maybe it would be easier to just find Dean, carve out his face, and flee from Sam's wrath.
ALL IN GOOD JEST, OF COURSE.

Now, onto a more serious topic.
My food.
Remember when I was eating the most amazing foods ever? ME EITHER. I have to say, this quicksand is pulling me in and sliding down my ears as fast as ever these days.
I might be basking in my amazingly organised drawers and the orgasmic-inducing sight of my exceptionally ordered bookcase -while ignoring the other half of my room- (because organisation IS HEAVEN, IT IS), but my diet slipped to the level of 'JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT' and this means that all my receipts of food purchase and food recordings and anything food related went down the drain like an ugly spider.
The fact remains: I'm as chaotic inside as I seem to  be on the outside. Food Life is where I want to only spend twenty dollars a week so I can pay off mortgage and this means only buying bread and eggs and milk and cheese, which all have animal and chemical related evil inside them, but then I also want to zen out to my somewhat vegan lifestyle now where I buy shitloads of fruit and veggies, cook amazing healthy foods, buy all the microwavable containers in all sizes so I can have my recess fruit separate from my lunchtime salad, not to mention a tiny container of REAL COFFEE so I don't get ambushed at various times by the stale, air-ridden, shit as fuck coffee in the staff room because admin hasn't and shouldn't replace a whole container of perfectly good four-day-old-coffee with new stuff.
And then I screw it all by spending forty dollars a week on hamburgers so I can up my iron intake so I can actually get my energy at a decent level to participate in this time-draining suck called Life.
It's money versus health versus actual time to cook versus my sand-soaked brain versus I Just Wanna Watch TV And Snack In My Down Time Adulting Is Hard Leave Me Alone.
So as you can see, treat me gently with your nonjudgmentally pure minds as you tread through my list of processed chemical goodness.


Last Thursday
I have no idea.
I think I started with my cold oats and cinnamon... Ok let me work backwards.

Yesterday - Wednesday
7.00 am - cold oats and yoghurt with cut up mango, black coffee
11.030 ish - beef yiros with tomato, lettuce and hommus, one iced coffee with cream and ice cream
3.00 ish pm - one cappucino and an apricot cheesecake
You really do feel ripped into so many pieces, giving pits to every one else and there is no sign of it ever stopping without severing all your social ties to live a life of the hermit.
7.00 ish - ice cream with ice magic
8.15 - one heated ready made meal of peri peri chicken and rice. A bit ew.

Day before that - Tuesday
I RESISTED CAKE TODAY. WOOHOOO
5.00 am - cold oats, yoghurt, cinnamon, black coffee
10.00 - RESISTED CHOCOLATE BARS!! ^_^ white coffee, plain butter toasty
3.00 ish pm - white coffee, handful of roses chocolates
5.56 - barnacle bill fish dinner with chips, the best water ever
I have to be better as a human being because while I don't commit actual sin or need to go straight to hell/jail/confession, I still practice condescending, selfish, hurtful habits that really do upset others.
8.00 ish - one peppermint rose chocolate, bowl of sliced can peaches.
I think people don't realise that we're all doing what we can with what we have at any point in our lives. We COULD be better, for sure, all the time, constantly improving. But that is tiring and unnecessary when literally every movie, song, anti-self-help literature out there is telling us to STAY AS WE ARE, WE ARE PERFECT AS IS, DO NOT TAMPER WITH YOUR ALREADY GREAT PERSONALITIES, WHY FIX WHAT ISN'T BROKEN, and the like.

And before that again - Monday
5.00 am - cold oats, cinnamon, yoghurt, or did I? black coffee. Maybe it was toast because I ran out of yoghurt and oats somewhere around here, when life was throwing me gigantic exercise balls in an attempt to knock me into last millennium.
white coffee
7.00 ish am - maybe one toast with vegemite
9.12 - white coffee, buttered toasted sandwich, one banana I think
12.00 ish pm - a little bowl of pork steaks with mushroom sauce, some jam sponge cake with custard
1.15 - who knows. Water? Coffee? Some type of food?
3.30 - I know I napped around here.
Did I even have dinner?
White coffee
I went to the dentist!
Then I bought and ate a two pack of raspberry custard cups, a two pack of chocolate mousse cups, one can of sour cream pringles, and probably one other thing. All on special!

And before that - Sunday
6.30 am - I think this is where I ate the toasts with vegemite, black coffee
10.00 - white coffee, toasts with butter? fruit?
2.30 pm - white coffee
maybe some snack thing here
4.00 ish - half a vegemite sandwich toast thing that I think is STILL IN MY CAR. SHIT.
6.00 ish - a delicious burger from BenHur's Burgers with beef, mayo, onion, pickles, egg, and something else.
half a bowl of yellow jelly
Not only am I an emotional eater, I'm also an emotional spender as well. Those who cannot control their emotions, will never control their money.
It's true... T_T

Saturday
6.00 am - two toasts with something like butter or vegemite, maybe a peice of fruit, black coffee. Or maybe oats after all
9.00 - white coffee
some plumpy dried apricots in here
12.30 - one amazing beef burger with the lot, onion, egg, cheese etc, without bacon
white coffee
Some chips? Chocolate? Ice cream?
4.00 - one packet of chicken chips and a chocolate bar before my tea shift. Tired and hot AS FUCK. SO TIRED. I WANTED TO CRY, AND FALL OVER, AND DIE.
Two meat pies that were quite nice
Not sure I had dinner

Friday
Cancelled all my house clean jobs because of my sore back. Went to the shops to buy some grocery.
Breakfast: not sure when. probably 8ish. Black coffee, maybe oats, maybe toast
Lunch: hmmmmmm
Dinner: Well.
I might've had a custard and jelly bowl in here-- I did!

Exercise
NONE. NEVER. I DO WHAT I WANT. MORE CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN

Foods I have purchased in this lazy weird-ass week
GOCERY

20/11/17 Monday
Rolled oats  1.20
Pringles  1.99
Bug spray  5.99
Bandaids  3.99
Roses chocolates  5.99
Vaalia yoghurt vanilla  3.89
2 pack of chocolate mousse  2.99
2 pack of raspberry custard  2.99
TOTAL                                              30.53

17/11/17 Friday
Custard and jelly bowl  1.50
Wholemeal bread  1.99
TOTAL                                            3.50

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE MY OWN BREAD.

And I will post my fridge/pantry/freezer foods in the Sunday!
Adios!

Pie?

Day 15 & 16 is basically what happens when desires and sugar collide
This sounds like a really cool anime.

I have been MIA!!! My furniture came and then Supernatural sucked me into scrolling their twitter feed for a cool THREE HOURS one night, and by the time I checked the clock it was like 1 am so I went to bed. And I don't even know who half of those characters are, I just watched little snippets of the newest season (thirteen I think) without even a hint or outrage at the fact that I was kind of spoiling it for myself. How do I know Dean doesn't stay dead at the end of season three, and that the show carries out in only Sam's story? (Totally outrageous) How do I even know Dean dies at the end of season three? Because of tumblr, and pinterest, and my inability to watch an episode without reading the start of the episode guide on Wikipedia, on the OFF CHANCE they decide to throw in a hideously deformed E Man.
I'm getting better, but total cures take time.
Maybe years.
Until then, I will read ahead and enjoy only the minor stirring of surprise I feel when something terribly dramatic happens.

Ok! Food log!

Fuck!

Foods I have eaten on Wednesday
Guys, I can not even care anymore.
I'm trying to win at the money life, be financially savvy while also living on next to nothing so things can get paid off extremely fast, but also enjoy the little things in life such as unexpected coffee dates with friends or using up all my delegated weeks worth of petrol in one day on a whimsical outing across the state.
I also HAVE TO SAY, where did the summer go? Like, one day it was 36, the next it was 12?
Also, I'm trying to eat healthy right, get all my veggies and do the meal prep and fruit snacking and rice eating and junk cutting, while trying my hand at the iron increasing way after reading how red meat causes cancer and dairy causes cancer and poultry is just glue and hormones and fish is diseased with mercury and metal and pollution, so I eat some dried apricots but HOLY CHRIST they have a fucktonne of sugar in them and the green lunch salad does not fill me up at all.
Then there's the whole 'Do Not Cause Unnecessary Waste' so I wash out all my ziplock bags I bought to put the apricots in, but they feel grimy still and I know that there was sticky foods in them, so not clean anymore, which does add to the mental clutter of life's entirety. Why not buy the little containers that will wash and dry and fit more? Because my handbag is tiny and these ziplock bags fit no matter what with the added bonus of weighing nothing at all, which eases the constant stress on my shoulder and back due to carrying all my books ever.

Healthy food IS expensive. Cooking IS time consuming and an effort and something I really don't like doing. I thought I would 'grow into' cooking as I matured, but alas, that was just a pipe dream Cerri. Doritos and eggy toast are life.

As well as, I'm up to my second month of iron tablets and I cannot get a handle on my bowels/tummy. The nausea went away end of last month. My furniture came, Wednesday (coincidentally when I ceased to exist), and then I hurt my back somehow (all the book lifting and toxin sweating) and THEN, I developed nausea again, which came with! All the gut rumblings and loose bowels and possible dehydrations anyone could ever ask for, and the total inability to want to eat because every time food went in the ol tummy would feel sick. Every time I moved the back would ache. I forgot that there are little things called Pain Meds so I struggled through hours of work before I realised I could get relief.

Food in my fridge went off. I took out a whole container of soup from the freezer and shoved it into the fridge just to make way for a big tub of ice cream--- that has dairy, so hormones, and is basically not even real milk/dairy product/related to a cow in any way--- and I just paid full price to consume chemicals with more chocolatey chemicals in the form of Ice Magic on top. AND I HAVE TO SAY, the ice magic does not taste as good as I remember. Maybe something to do with being an innocent, amazingly naive child with low expectations.
I got panicky af about my bread going off in the extreme heat earlier in the week, so I halved it, put two slices each in some zip-lock bags for the freezer, then the rest in the fridge, however this was two days after the heatwave. So, like, did any of that work? There was no visible mould, but at what cost? Will there be growth inside the bread in the fridge? Did the freezer kill possible mould growings?
Must I google everything? And then, just like with the Paw Paw in the hair (which looks to be almost all out by now) what is real, what works, and what is just a joke?

So that fucked up my eating, but my bookcase is MAGNIFICENT. So it's really a win/win.
I am not joking.
My bookcase is a thing of pure beauty. I look at it a million times a day and think 'I can't believe everything fits in there perfectly. Like, how much of a genius am I? I know I had inklings... I knew there was possibility in the shape of potential, but I always thought I needed a special key, something to unlock my hidden power that would take months and years to find, all those arduous side quests, hazardous love interests, annoying vengeful monsters...  but here and now! This is proof of my certain Einstein level!'
Rinse and repeat.

Well! Let's see if I can remember back to the formings of an age.

Wednesday
8.00 ish am - cold oats with yoghurt and cinnamon, black coffee
white coffee in here
maybe a glass of water
2.00 ish pm - two toasts with butter because I wanted something quick for when the furniture came
some lollies in here
water was consumed while sorting books
one white coffee
5.00 ish - a few mouthfuls of plain brown rice
Evening - Toast? Rice? Lollies?

Exercise I have done
None

Waters I have consumed
One glass, and a lot of sips/gulps while moving about

Thursday
6.34 am - cold oats with yoghurt and cumin seeds powder. Scraped off and put cinnamon on. Black coffee
10.15 - six dried apricots, one cup of peas ANOTHER THING, THESE ARE ALWAYS JUST THAWED. I take them out of the freezer the night before and leave them in the fridge, then just eat them with a spoon. I believe at this very minute that those peas would be raw, but I have no idea if that is safe to eat.
~~. I'm really not normally this air-headed (THAT IS A LIE), the truth is I just really don't care that much about food (NODS), and I feel the only way that I can combat this is to also- like a friend I know- study for six years, become a lawyer, and earn enough to buy all my food out .~~
one bottle of super cold water to help fight of the faintness
12.30 pm - a little bowl of cut up sausages in onion gravy
3.00 - one white coffee
5.40 - two toasts with butter
water
9.12 - a handful of jatz crackers and a glass of lemonade

Exercise I have done
None

Waters I have consumed
One bottle, maybe one glass, a few sips


Why is this challenge so hard??  (>___<)*


For a great time, visit this amazing blog! www.studioklawson.blogspot.com.au 

'And how do we summon them? With a summoning spell?'

Day 13 & 14 needs thunder but I'll settle for ice cream

This is where the shit got real. And I mean, real as real can get.

And by that I mean probably more like a foggy day-dream that you remember sometime a week later and aren't sure if it was a day-dream, or an actual night-time dream, or an actual experience, so you try and forget all about it, lest you ask every person you know and come off crazier than your regular crazy.

Yes.

Yesterday I was sick with a cold and my woman woes but I still slogged it out at two of the busiest shifts around. Not even kidding, there was all the slogging and I was in it. Sweating, groaning, spilling GIANT TRAYS OF MEATBALLS AND SAUCE on the oven door that I then had to serve, running, knocking elbows on practically everything that was elbow height, and not drinking any water. NO WATER WAS CONSUMED.

Now, I forgot to mention in previous entries that I put paw-paw ointment in my hair because one of my friends was having a costume party and I LOVE dressing up as a zombie. There is nothing more comforting, to me, than putting on all amounts of fake blood, gore, ripped-ass clothes, rolling in dirt for the authentic look, and smearing on the blackened-grey half-dead circles around the eyes in a careful fashion. I always feel 'at home' when I do this.

Now we've all established by now that I do not do things, things happen to me. I seem to operate on some kind of oh!-an-event!-Quick!-React! drama sequence. The only thing I have done in the past year is probably purchase alarmingly expensive furniture and pray to god that it fits into my room, because even then I was going about all willy nilly. Sort of, 'ohh... life will sort itself out... ahahahaa aha  haa haaaa.'

Will it Cerri?

Will it?

So being such, I happily smeared this paw-paw ointment (great for everything else except hair. Really, do try it on your chapped lips, sores, bites, rashes, burns, GREAT for burns, GREAT for dry cracked skin, and there's probably a thousand other things it does like cure cancer and turn water into wine, but it leaves everything greasy af) all through my hair making it look superbly unwashed and zombified.

Then, however, it wouldn't come out in the shower.

So I spent the next three days patting cornflour onto the patches of greasy hair, then washing with straight shampoo before using a cleansing conditioner. Luckily, for work I just put it up in a bun and normally wear a hair-net so I wasn't too bothered, but it did add to my ickums of a time while I was harried off my feet, tired af, bloated and hot, snuffly and headachey, and all round dealing with aching legs, aching back, and an aching soul.

JUST KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN YOU READ MY FOOD LOG. It was hard yo. The struggle was not only real at work but also real in the emotional wanting of the food that I didn't have and painfully desired.

Foods I ate yesterday

5.10 am - black coffee, a few mouthfuls of cold oats with yoghurt, blueberries and cinnamon

5.56 - white coffee

one cup of water

7.20 - one toast with vegemite because I didn't eat much of the oats

9.30 - one white coffee, one cucumber sandwich, five dried apricots, three strawberries

12.20 pm - some chicken kiev and pumpkin

one cu of water

2.55 - brown rice with onion, garlic, turmeric and cumin, a cupful of peas, white coffee

two cups of water

8.10 - a bowl of frozen watermelon

Exercise I have done today

Skip!

Waters I have consumed

four cups and most likely some sips as well

Foods I have eaten today

6.24 am - one heated zucchini slice, black coffee

one whole bottle of water

10.10 - six apricots, half a cucumber and avocado sandwich, TWO CHOCOLATE BARS purchased on a whim, one white coffee super strong

one whole frozen bottle of water

3.23 pm - the rest of the cucumber sandwich, white coffee which tasted gross

Went on down to the shop and purchased some ice cream, ice magic topping, one packet of jelly beans, one packet of jelly tubes for the heinously low blood sugar, one packet of parmesan and garlic chips

... ^_^

half a bottle of water

6.50 - 3/4 packet of chips, a few jelly beans

one whole bottle of water

Exercise I have done

Yeahhhh nahh lol.

Waters consumed

three and a half bottles of water

So that's alright! I just have to stay on track for the rest of the week, especially since my pay will be super low this fortnight, meaning I can avoid any temptations (hopefully) and sail through. I really need a routine. I was doing AMAZINGLY last week with the same healthy breakfast every day, and it became so natural that I was just doing the preparations automatically, reaching for the oats tub and cinnamon, then getting the yoghurt and berries from the fridge. 

I need to get on that with lunch, although the dried apricots, peas and cucumber are going well so maybe I can make that a permanent lunch thing, and then figure out something for dinner that isn't garlicky and oniony and makes me fart a zillion times a day, but is also healthy, iron-rich, meat-low, cheap, and easy to prepare.

Hmm...

Well, back to supernatural I go!

Adios Mesdames et Messieurs!

Give me thunder please!

💕💕

I have always said that, haven't I ALWAYS said that?

Day 12 is when the pineapple decided to try on different hats 
Salutations!
Greetings in the highest form!
Today has been all about the smell of coffee, trying to sit down somewhere, and using all my willpower to fight off this cold!
Ick.

Foods I have eaten today
7.45 am - cold oats with yoghurt, blueberries and cinnamon, black coffee
one glass of water
10.40 ish - white coffee
sips of water
11.55 - one banana
12.30 ish pm - salad sandwich mum made, which means there was ham, cheese, cucumber, carrot, and capsicum all on it
glass of lemon cordial
NAPPED
5.00 ish - white coffee and the last half packet of lollies from the low blood sugar Thursday
two glasses of water
7.10 - come cut up watermelon and pineapple (pineapple is a natural antibiotic so I want it to zap this cold/virus/shit thing
8.00 - brown rice with chickpeas and sauteed onion, ground tumeric, ground cumin, garlic powder, and actual chopped garlic
8.30 - mango smoothie with mango pieces, apple juice, half-formed ice, one peach

I weigh
Well, I could not get access to a weighing device today, so I giggled blissfully and reveled in my newfound rebelliousness.

Exercise I have done today
None. I refuse to do manual labour in my own house when I'm sick and have the woman time.

Water I have consumed today
Three waters, a few sips, one glass of lemon cordial, one mango smoothie with ice

Food I have purchased this week
GROCERY
So I'm sure I purchased some groceries from Foodland earlier this week, but I can't find the receipt as I moved every single thing in my room into the spare room to make way for the furniture coming on Wednesday. And the reason I did it all now is because I work double shifts both tomorrow and Tuesday... ^_^

9/11/17 Thursday
Iron tablets  14.99
TOTAL                                      14.99

11/9/17 Saturday
Womans things #1  2.69
Womans things #2  2.99
Peanut m&ms  2.99
Honey soy chips  2.99
TOTAL                                       11.66

12/11/17 Sunday
Tissues x2  1.90
2x can chick peas  4.10
Apple juice  2.38
ground cumin seeds  3.05
Strawberries  2.79
1x avocado  2.49
2x mangoes  4.98
pineapple  2.99
watermelon  0.98
Carlic cloves  1.30
3x brown onions  1.16
2x bio comp bags  0.20
TOTAL                                    28.32

EXTRAS
1 Orange juice, and packet of lollies from the servo  7.70
1 tuna and salad subway  6.98
TOTAL                    14.68

ALL TOGETHER       
14.99 + 11.66 + 28.32 + 14.68 = 69.65


The food situation:
Food in my freezer:
   4x frozen meals
   1x soup
   1x ice cream container of soup
   1x quarter packet of frozen vegetables
   1x slice of bacon
   2x pasta salads
   5 3x snack bags of frozen peas
   1x quarter of puff pastry
   2x fish
   2x containers if cut up watermelon
   6x slices of bread

Food in my fridge:
   1x 3 quarters carton of milk
   2 eggs
   1x half a jar of jam I haven't touched for about two years
   1x quarter of apple cider vinegar
   1x zucchini slice
   2x kiwi fruit
   3x containers of cut up pineapple
   1 mango
   3x containers of brown rice and chickpea mixture
   1x large bowl of plain brown rice
   1x whole cucumber
   1x three quarters of apple juice
   1x punnet of strawberries 
   1x half loaf of bread

Food in pantry:
   1x three quarters of jar of peanutshitbutter
   1x half bag of brown rice
   1x bottle half of olive oil
   1x can of gluten free pasta sauce
   1x gluten free pasta (my housemate is gf)
   1x  half a jar of forest berry jam
   2x cloves of garlic  
   1 new clove of garlic 
   And, misc baking stuff such as: food colourings, sprinkles, gluten free flour, sugar, drinking chocolate, candy hearts etc.
   1x half quarter pkt of weetbix
   1x quarter of Robert Timms coffee
   1x half a vial of ground cinnamon
   1x half vegemite jar
   1x three quarters beef stock powder gluten free
   1x jar of pickled veg that I will not eat nor know what to do with as it was a present from my mum and no one else wants it
   1x half jar or crystalised honey
   1x half a freddo frog chocolate block that I will give to my parents tomorrow
   1x pure green tea box
   1x ginger and apple tea box
   1x English Breakfast tea box

Food in basket:
   2x onions that have been there for about two weeks months
   1x orange
   3x bananas
   2x apples
   2x new onions

From the parentals:
   1x container of leftover roast
   5x 4x containers of one-serve soup
   4x containers of one-serve cake and custard. Woohoo! But also, does it count as junk if I didn't buy it??    THESE ARE DISGUSTINGLY SWEET. I REFUSE TO EAT THEM
   3x mammoth slices of zucchini slice


Food tally for the five days
BREAKFASTS
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt 
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ three weetbix and one banana
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt, and cinnamon  

LUNCHES
~ cucumber and avocado sandwich
~ cucumber and avocado sandwich
~ one and a half peanut butter sandwiches
~ half tuna and salad subway
~ two slices of leftover chicken, prawn and pineapple pizza
~ whole packet of honey soy chips and half packet of m&ms
~ ham, cheese, and salad sandwich

DINNERS
~ two toasts with vegemite, cashews and almonds, 1 kiwi fruit
~ two toasts with butter and avocado, watermelon, one banana
~ four slices of barbeque pizza
~ spinach and feta cannelloni
~ two slices of garlic bread and one slice of supreme pizza
~ Barnacle Bill spoiler for one with prawns, calamari rings, scallops, one piece of crumbed fish
~ brown rice with onion, chickpeas, and spices

SNACKS
~ toast with marmalade
~ watermelon and yoghurt
~ vegemite on toast
~ banana
~ watermelon pieces
~ oats and yoghurt
~ cup of peas
~ yoghurt
~ dried apricots
~ banana
~ watermelon and pineapple
~ two peaches

SWEETS
~ allens lollies
~ four biscuits with ice magic
~ half a chocolate eclair
~ one mini banana muffin
~ one mini blueberry muffin
~ handful of plain chips
~ honey soy chips
~ peanut m&ms
~ little chocolate cake

Let us put this disturbingly absurd week behind us and move forwards into a shiny new week! Where exercise will actually be the norm, no sweets will be consumed, water will be drunk in vast amounts and 8 hours of sleep will be had every evening with ease.
Let's do this!

There has been an error in the system, how would you like to proceed?

Can I just say, that I did none of the goals I set on Wednesday for Thursday.
Although I did see nanna.

Peace out, and watch Thor Ragnarok.
You will not be disappointed.
Unless you have uber high standards, in which case you will be disappointed, and therefore should stay at home pruning your cactus plant or polishing your furniture or printing labels for all the items in your fridge, etc etc.

Would you melt with me if I melt with you?

Day 10 & 11 was all about uncovering a mysterious, ancient, off-coloured kernel of popcorn that was probably used by my ancestors in a spell
I HAVE HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE! I REPEAT. I AM HAVING A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE!!!!
God, now I'm one of those annoyingly rude personal finance gurus who make fun of how other people use their own money in a sarcastic way because apparently they are always one hundred per cent correct all the time, and when they do this they always use obscene and unnecessary amounts of exclamation marks. As if using that many is somehow proving their point. But their point is often ridiculously one-sided (being biased towards what they would do) and, basically, annoying as hell.

I have once again forgotten to exercise. Let's all just nod and move on, or better yet, raise eyebrowse and mutter 'she was exercising too? I have no memory of this girl ever mentioning the word exercise, and, frankly, I am astounded as to why she would'.
Thank you, fictional beings. Bless you all.

So I have had my bedside table for a whole day now, and I MUST SAY, it is such a magical time that I am constantly reminded of the fact that I am, literally- and always have been- royalty. I just can't understand how I forgot that I was such. You would think, wouldn't you, that being so high up on the pecking order would be something that one remembers, like, every day.

Anywho! The drawer slide is phenomenal, the space and wooden panels is otherworldly- fuck I just remembered I have probably a whole three months worth of One Punch Man to read. Score!

I just love it.

Other things I love include: being able to see through the column of space between my bedroom door and the hinges into the lounge room now that all my other furniture is out of the way, warm balmy nights, perfectly made coffee without even trying, cracking up in laughter and making someone else laugh along with you purely because of the laughter, thunder, whatever water they put into recycled milk bottles and serve chilled at Barnacle Bills. That water is divine.

Things I do not love: being with someone that chooses the same table every time even though it's always under the freezing air-conditioner, getting a prickly grass piece stuck in between my foot and thong when walking, waking up from a nap super hot and hungover-like with a weird disgusting taste in the mouth, having so much frickin stuff, sneezing but getting phlegm in the mouth that ensures the frantic grope around for tissues and hoping to GOD that there are some left while trying not to swallow and also resisting the urge to pee that has decided to suddenly come on at that EXACT SECOND.

It's a weird and wonderful world out there.

Ok! To the Food log!
LET ME JUST SAY, I bought chips today, did not weigh myself, called in sick to work and basically did the opposite of every single one of my goals, because, apparently, it was 'be the opposite of your best self' today.
And that's ok.
I'm down with it.
I know this is a challenge but you don't have to be great all the time, because that's utterly exhausting. Sometimes all you have to do- all you can do- is get through the next 24 hours, or 10 hours, or even one hour, and that's ok too.
Just do what you can with what you have and try not to stress as best you can. You will all be great.

Right then!

Foods I ate yesterday
6.30 am - cold oats with blueberries, yoghurt and cinnamon, black coffee
one whole bottle of water
10.20 - five dried apricots that were succulent to the more blissful degree, cucumber and avocado sandwich on wholemeal bread, white coffee
one glass of water
2.30 pm - two slices of leftover barbeque chicken pizza with pineapple and prawns. Now there's something I need more of in my life: raw pineapple. Perfection. And also a natural antibiotic!
White coffee
glass of water
7.00 - one glass of orange juice, one mini banana muffin in the staff room and one mini blueberry muffin in the staff room on account of experiencing ANOTHER low blood sugar attack. Ffffff.
~At a friend's gathering~
9.00 pm - a handful of plain chips, half a pepsi, three jelly shots (with vodka presumably)
10.30 pm - half a slice of supreme pizza, two slices of garlic bread, half a glass of water

I weigh
Let's not even glance at this atrocity

Exercise I did today
This part always makes me want to weep hysterically into my upsized jumbo mcdonald's mcflurry (Jk. I only get large).
I believe I worked hard today because forboth shifts I was constantly running around, but that might have just been me losing the handle on my Time Lord responsibilities coupled with the slow exhaustion of being overworked-underpaid-and-plain-ol-tired, so that I was actually slower than the normal slow and therefore running to catch up. How can one ever tell?

Waters consumed
One bottle, two and a half glasses


Food I ate today - being day 11
7.00 am - cold oats with yoghurt, blueberries and cinnamon, black coffee. Now this was over a course of one hour because I was not hungry in the slightest so I kept forcing myself to take one or two mouthfuls
two glasses of water
10.04 - white coffee
some type of water as I was doing things
11.59 - THIS IS WHERE IT GETS REAL PEOPLE. }One whole packet of honey soy chips and half a packet of m&ms.{  (Click, cut, delete).
I think I had a coffee in here
two glasses of water
5.20 pm - Barnacle Bill spoiler for one, calamari rings, scallops, prawns, one crumbed fish, salad and chips while out with nanna. The best water you will ever taste.
(C r i n g i n g)
Two glasses of water
I feel so full but I really haven't eaten much at all.

I weigh
Do I? Do I weigh anything, at all, any more? Am I not ethereally bright, intensely angelic, bound for perfection in every way possible, and somehow yet also, light as a feather?
Not even a doubt.

Exercise I did today
I feel like this is the joke section of this challenge, you know, to keep things fun.

Waters I have consumed
Six glasses, and some type as action was done


     ,\"/,
*(^___^)*

Oh for god's sake Augustus The Fourth, just let them eat cake!

'Where did you take it back to?'

Day 9 is the reason I packed my bags, jumped on board, and ate as much of what the airlines call 'roast chicken' as my little tummy would allow

Basically it is failure in the most failurey way possible. The MOST WAY. ALL THE FAILURE. HAVE A TIME.

Ok...

Back it up.

Yesterday I went furniture shopping because I got it into my head that I was going to buy a bedside table. I went on a rampage through the google. Found a shop and liked what I saw. So, I marched on down and Fell In Love with a bedside table in an entirely different shop altogether.

It was expensive. 

Then I went to another shop and Fell Into Infatuation with a bookcase so big and solid and divine I wanted to set up camp and sleep in it. I thought 'none of the shelves on that motha will collapse on me', and when you talk about a world gone mad, all you really want is stability in all things, namely the dairy foods you consume and the furniture that you store 45 kilo books on.

So!

I woke up today thinking, 'I will do this. I will buy these magical things'. I arranged some finances which I never do, and I set off with the aim to only buy the one bedside table. By 4pm, I had paid 1,700 for a bedside table, a wardrobe (the only piece of furniture that I actually need as I don't have one), and that motha of a bookcase.

Then I got full-blown trauma.

Panic spread from my feet to my head. I started shaking. I had a mini meltdown in the bank that saw me sobbing into my cash while I madly called one of my closest friends who had to listen to me garble as I fled blindly to my car.

My chest grew tight, my head felt light, sound faded away until I was in my car, trembling, talking, and trying to make sense of what I was doing.

Why was I paying obscene amounts of money for furniture I didn't need?

Well, I did need them, in a general reality kind of way. The top two shelves of my current IKEA bookcase house only one stack of DVDs, three jars of pens/pencils, and a paintable gnome because they are at risk of crumbling again. The first time anything crumbled was when I was reading on my bed. All of a sudden I heard a massive crash, looked up to see all four of my shelves in a pile along with all of my books that I had arranged in order not long before. A few weeks later my other IKEA bookcase did the same. Now, it's not IKEA's fault that I have too many damn books. It's not IKEA's fault that I had to nail in all my shelves- some upside down due to the bowed shape- with actual nails so that some nails stick out or have split the wood, wind hideous black duct tape around both of them, and pray to god every single day that none of them repeat their little escapade.

As it was, the second IKEA shelf/cabinet setup has never been stable ever since because the outer planks are so bowed with weight that they no longer stand up straight regardless how much tape I use, therefore the shelves inside barely touch the shelf-holder thingies. NOT TO MENTION, some of those shelf-holder thingies have just up and left, never to be seen again.

It's attitude like this that spoil it for the rest of the pieces. Everything has to do its job. 

Yes. And another thing. The money I used was NOT intended for fun-furniture-spree-having. There was a purpose for why I had it, even if it is a way in the future, and now that it's gone I am having heart-failure after heart-failure at how close I was to achieving the goal and how long it's now going to take me to get back there.

But not to worry! It will be sorted asap. I'm nothing if not devoted to a plan.

Foods I ate today

Let's not be too judgy here and remember that I was in amidst trauma of the highest degree. That being, the trauma of the spontaneous and quite mysterious Zero Bank Balance in the aftermath of a careless day out at the shops, much like that of a bored housewife.

8.02 am - three weetbix with one cut up orange banana, black coffee. Yes it was orange, on the inside. I did feel as though I was eating space fruit, and it was not pleasant at all.

some water of some degree

10.30 - half a packet of lollies, one bottle of orange juice, half a tuna and salad subway due to THE LOWEST BLOOD SUGAR KNOWN TO MAN

11.54 - one white coffee

1.25 pm - four biscuits mum made with ice magic somehow worked into the biscuit part, one white coffee

half a bottle of water

5.30 - spinach and feta cannelloni at fasta psata with nanna, three quarters of a chocolate eclair 

three glasses of water

8.00 - a bit more of the eclair

I weigh

8.00 am Morning - 51.2

10.00 pm Evening - 52.1

So it's all very confusing and irrelevant, after a while

Exercise I have done today

None, unless you count the heavy lifting or racing here and there

Water consumed

half a bottle, three glasses, some of some degree

Amen

Can I call it Raymone?

Day 8 reeks of SUCCESS!
Success for me today: I felt the emotional turmoils of other people being weird and shit, I felt the 'hmmm I'm a bit bored and apathetic, that must mean veg out day with chips in bed with the tv' feelings of sludge. But did I act upon this? Nope!
I admit, I thought about getting an ice cream when I needed petrol. While lost in thought I drove straight past the petrol place, forcing myself to do a u-turn and drive to one on the opposite side of the road, and even then, I momentarily blanked on which side my petrol tank was so I had to drive around the whole line of pumps to get to the only free one on my side. It goes: 'ok I am at the petrol place phew! Ok, oh there's one left, oh it's the one I want...wait... WHY am I driving past it, WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET BACK THERE?!... ok must now circle the whole row of pumps like an idiot, yep, just smile and wave, or better yet, just concentrate on the ground where you're going and don't make eye contact with anyone... ah here we are, now you must drive to the drive-in section and quickly do a u-turn to turn around and pray to god no-one comes in... there, good... why are you like this??'
I admit, I thought about packing it all in while watching Supernatural, because, habit. It's what I've done for the past year. I watch tv and eat chips. Literally, every week. I FORGOT TO RUN, FUCK  ME JESUS.
But the point is, I thought about these junky things and I felt the irresistible pull, and I resisted. I find that the more I wait the craving out, the less I want it. It works at the supermarket when I'm on a 'junk food binge' and it worked today when I was driving to the next petrol station. Although, I was so tired from having to do that extra hoo-haa that all I wanted was to pee and get to the furniture shop asap.
Also, I've started doing a trick whenever I think about getting junky snacks. A little while ago I had this thought that went 'well, you can't buy the chips or chocolate, but you can eat something else, like yoghurt or exotic fruit'. And it worked. Exotic fruit is amazing. So I've decided to pick up some mangoes and strawberries and peaches, etc, and some yoghurt so I can just eat as much of that as I would a block of chocolate or a bag of chips.
Mentally, eating chips and chocolate don't do a thing. I think 'they'll make me feel better', and they do for a split second while eating them. But then afterwards I go back to feeling the same, so it doesn't make a lot of sense when I really think about it. I also thought 'well you've binged on chips and tv in the past and look where that got you... try this new thing'.

Ok! Let's get cracking!

Food I have eaten today
8 ish am - cold oats with yoghurt, blueberries and cinnamon, black coffee
10. 05 - white coffee
11.10 - one and a half peanut butter sandwiches
half a bottle of water
glass of lemon cordial
one orange juice fruit box because I was getting hungry
2.20 pm - white coffee
3.30 - one banana, bowl of watermelon pieces
5.30 - ^___^ ... four slices of barbeque chicken pizza with pineapple, mushroom, onions, and prawns (it was a small pizza, but SO DELICIOUS OMG)
Half a bottle of water while watching Supernatural
8.06 - a cup of peas and a few spoonfuls of yoghurt because I REALLY wanted chips
one cup of water

I weigh
8.00 am Morning - 50.7
8.09 pm Evening - 51.6

Exercise I did today
None. Not even running madly to each furniture shop  U_U

Waters I have consumed
One whole large gatorade bottle of water and one cup
Glass of lemon cordial
One orange juice fruit box

All in all a rather successful day! My housemate wanted to know if pizza counted as a healthy item, and I said it did because pizza is amazing as balls. I may not have chocolate, icecream, cake, or chips, but I can darn well have all the pizza money can buy with all the exotic topping man can think of.

Aims for tomorrow
I will be held accountable!
Tomorrow I'd like to
~ Clean my floor, do the dishes and vacuum
~ Write one short story
~ Start drawing one fairy
~ Lightly jog up the street
~ And maybe visit nanna

Well that's all for now chaps!
Cheerio!

Why would I ever choose fluorescent pink if not in a code situation?

Day 6 & 7 smelled like awkward pauses wrapped in lemon pie
Hello and welcome to another day of 'the food I eat'.
Today I did exercise! Woohoo!
But down to business...

Food I consumed yesterday
(Let's see if I can remember, because most of my life is a bunch of 'WINGIN IT!!!!!!' with no recordings, recollection of journey, or any prior planning whatsoever).
5.16 am - cold oats with blueberries, cinnamon and plain yoghurt, black coffee
5.55 - white coffee, strong as fuck, instant relief
7.00 ish - one brown toast with marmalade because it was there, one water
9.05 - white coffee, avocado and cucumber sandwich and probably two cups of broccoli and potato soup. I was SO FULL that I was afraid of bursting in front of sensitive people.
sips of water
1.00 pm - curry potato and carrot with all the spices one can think of, including tumeric, cumin, salt, pepper, green chillies, etc, etc, with something like naan bread but flat, given by a really nice woman at work who cooks from her culture. Very spicy, but so nice. This is where the awkward pauses and accidentally talking over each other came into it.
One glass of milk because of the spicy
sips of water
3.30 ish - white coffee
4.00 - one cup of watermelon with plain yoghurt because I really really wanted something sweet
5/6 pm sometime - two toasts with vegemite, 1 kiwi fruit, handful of cashews and almonds because I was starving

I weigh
5.05 am Morning - 51.4
6.00 pm Evening - 51.4
Hilarious! Divinely in time with my energetic field! What a downright hoot!
(...I'm not sure either)

Exercise I did yesterday
None.
^_^v

Waters consumed
One and a few sips throughout the day. I didn't even consume any of the orange juice! I find myself operating through a haze of 'oh well...' and I think I need to actually stop what I'm doing and focus on drinking the whole glass of water. Not just take a sip and rush off to vacuum or explain for the sixth time that we are ON the ground floor of the building.


Food I consumed today
5.14 am - usual cold oats with blueberries and yoghurt, no cinnamon
5.50 ish - white coffee. I am becoming reliant on these in the morning and I feel as though this could be a bad thing (Coffee? Bad? Never!)
7.20 ish - one brown toast with vegemite, because I'd made three extra by accident and thought I'd save myself the ravenously hungry feeling I usually get on that shift when working at full-speed from 6-10 am with no break.
half glass of water
10.10 - cucumber and avocado sandwich, white coffee. By 12.30 I was literally starving af
12.30 pm - one bowl of lemon delicious cake with cream (and it was MIND-BLOWINGLY ORGASMIC)
Sips of water
2.30 - white coffee that tasted like the god of coffee himself
5.50 ish - two toasts with butter and avocado, a cup full of watermelon pieces, one banana
one cup of water
6.00 ish - an orange juice fruit box
sips of water

I weigh
Morning - forgot
8.28 pm Evening - 50.9 ! @__@ Whaaaa?
So I spent a great deal of time laughing inwardly about how my weight tally will be the same throughout the entire week, but it's literally changed every day so far! Cripes!

Exercise I did today
Well! Today I dragged myself away from the computer and comfortable bed, slipped the hoodie of my jacket over my freezing head, and walked up the street at a fast 'one-two, one-two, one-two' power-walk. Apparently I stomped 1.0 km and back. I must say, I didn't feel anything while walking up to the shops- except admiration at how pretty the houses are and the odd glance at the rubbished council strips with disdain- but on the way back I began to really thinking about things, sort of mulling issues over in my head, which I don't normally do. Every time I found myself looking down at the pavement I lifted my head again and tried hard to focus on the things around me. I noticed a little branch stump balancing on an electrical line with what looked like magic, I glimpsed gnome and fairy statues on front porches, fairy rock gardens surrounded by flowers, and interestingly designed letter boxes. Tomorrow I plan to jog a little bit of the way.

Waters consumed
one and a half cups of water, some sips throughout the day

And as my eyes are drooping in that heavy, head-lolling-onto-chest kind of way, I will take my leave and prepare myself for a productive day tomorrow!
Ciao!
💗

Why did they paint it green?

Day 5 had absolutely no ice cream in it
Oh my GOD, I've forgotten to exercise AGAIN. I must set reminders for myself.

Yes, I did fantasise about ice cream a lot throughout today. Most likely a sign of being thirsty, but I did not purchase any  >^_^>.
Alright!
Weekly stats coming your way!

Firstly...

Foods I have eaten today
6.30 am - cold oats with cinnamon, plain yoghurt, and blueberries, 2 black coffees on account of having a traumatic monstrous spider incident and getting no sleep.
7.55 - one white coffee. See above
8.45 - half glass chocolate milkshake, one glass water due to feeling off
9.30 - one glass orange juice due to low blood sugar.
10.30 - one toast with butter, broccoli and potato soup, glass water
11.55 - one tiny fingernail square of roast turkey, four tiny pea-sized roast potatoes and pumpkin
12.50 pm - one white coffee due to extreme exhaustion and overload of work to still do
2.30 - the last 6 squares of freddo chocolate, white coffee super strong
DID NOT NAP. F YES.
5.12 - rest of sushi from yesterday: four squares. Delish. And ALSO. The little tiny piece of cake Peter gave me.
7.17 - one little orange juice juice-box
8.23 - leftover roast potato, peas, and carrots from three days ago.

I weigh
52.4
Well, well, well. What is THIS load of numerical disrespect? I'm actually really enthralled because I never weigh myself, literally ever, except in early June before my surgery (when I was 47.2) and last year when I was messing around at Peters house, so this is new! And encouraged! Welcome, added flab. How are you? How are you finding my body? Is it comfortable? Can I do anything to be more accommodating? Offer snacks, perhaps?
HA!
You've come to the wrong human, little fat blobs! Prepare to be obliviated by my hardworking exercise and healthy eating ways! (Starting tomorrow)
--__@
Man I miss Harry Potter. Those books were 100% amazing gold. Couldn't have visited a better world. I kid you not, I must have read those books FOURTEEN TIMES EACH, but the first three the most because that's where all the carefree magic was.
Anyway, back to my expanding weight! I'm growing! Woohoo!
The first time I weighed myself- back three days ago (eeek)- was in the evening because that was when I wrote the first post. So I'd like to weigh myself tomorrow morning at the early hour of 5am, then tomorrow night, and do a running twice-daily check for one week because I'm darn interested to know my base weight. I know that weighing yourself at night is a no-no because of the extra weight from food and water, but oh well. I also know a lot of variables can mess with the numbers. Stay tuned for that bit of excitement!

Exercise I have done today
None. I did not even work hard or fast. I was slow, I was tired, I was almost at breaking point and there was one time in the kitchen where I hissed fuck in a genuinely terrifying way when people could not get their act together. I stormed, I glared tight-lipped, and I gave off an air of carrying an invisible person around, which would have been accepted had it been a little Persacom who happily took direct orders.

Water I have consumed today
Two waters, two cups orange juice

Food I have purchased this week
GROCERY
3/11/17 Friday
Rolled oats  1.20
Vaalia vanilla yoghurt  6.49
Miracle spread butter  1.79
Bananas 4  2.48
Cucumber  0.99
Blueberries  3.99
TOTAL                  16.94

5/11/17 Sunday
Avocado  2.49
Watermelon seedless  0.91
Orange juice boxes 6pk  2.00
TOTAL                                      5.40

EXTRAS
2 classic beef sliders from Grill'd  12.00
1 Iced coffee with cream and iced cream..  5.90  (doesn't count because it's technically coffee!! >__<)
TOTAL                    17.90

ALL TOGETHER         
16.94 + 5.40 + 17.90 = 40.24


My biggest food weakness is emotional turmoil and a 'what the hey..' thought pattern when I think about life's atrocities and actually doing things. Life can suck ASS. Like it can really go dark and black and hellish, and it's taking me a long time to accept that about the world. It really truly is. I look around at people and want to yell so many things, like, are they aware? I often fantasise about gathering a fucking army and raiding every single house in Australia (for kidnapped people, prisoners, stolen goods, treasure), then moving overseas. Flush out the entire world. EXTERMINATE.
I watched a snippet of a film once where a lady had been kept in the trunk of a car for a few days, and then when I drove home I looked at all the parked cars and felt like tapping on each boot, just in case.
It's uncertainty. You never know. It's scary and makes me seek comfort in food.

ALRIGHTY THEN.

Basically, summed up: negative emotions like anxiety make me think 'fuck it' and indulge in the junk foods. Most of them time I am totally fine about life because I know I am not responsible and feel able to help if need arises. Sometimes, though, I stumble upon a horrible article or remember something gross, and I feel the sinking despair all over again.

Because there's no solution to the global crisis that I alone, as one human being, can do to solve it all, I will have to learn to hone my own smaller personal world so that I don't do the emotional eating when little issues arise, such as gigantic spiders or family drama. Like, 'any excuse will do, right?' ^_^.

Today I bought a pack of single serve orange juices to carry around for the next few days in case of low sugars. It's well known that orange juice picks up sugars fast, and I have noticed that my blood sugars seem to become unstable around my womanly time, probably from hormonal thingaroos, so I am Preparing It Up. Doing the Adult Life.
It's all happening here people! All of it! And maybe even some more than that.

I want to do this healthy thing. It goes: buy a batch of fruit, cut them up into a salad, then eat one serving a day. However, I only have fifty dollars to last me ALL this week and the next, until the second Thursday, and while I've got some money in my account, I'm trying not to spend it at all. Well, at all this week. I'd like to get to the pay week and have some money left over.


The food situation:
Food in my freezer:
   4x frozen meals
   1x soup
   1x ice cream container of soup
   1x quarter packet of frozen vegetables
   1x slice of bacon
   2x pasta salads
   5x snack bags of frozen peas
   1x quarter of puff pastry
   2x fish

Food in my fridge:
   1x 3 quarters half carton of milk
   1x half dozen eggs
   1x half a jar of jam I haven't touched for about two years
   1x quarter of apple cider vinegar
   1x little piece of cake peterbae gave me 💕💕 PETERBAE IS THE BEST OMG ALL THE SQUISH, but that I will give to my parents tomorrow. The chocolate, not Peter  Well look how that turned out.

Food in pantry:
   1x three quarters of jar of peanutshitbutter
   1x whole bag unopened of brown rice YES IT'S STILL THERE
   1x bottle half of olive oil
   1x can of gluten free pasta sauce
   1x gluten free pasta (my housemate is gf)
   1x  half a jar of forest berry jam
   2x cloves of garlic
   And, misc baking stuff such as: food colourings, sprinkles, gluten free flour, sugar, drinking chocolate, candy hearts etc.
   1x half pkt of weetbix
   1x quarter of Robert Timms coffee
   1x half a vial of ground cinnamon
   1x half vegemite jar
   1x three quarters beef stock powder gluten free
   1x jar of pickled veg that I will not eat nor know what to do with as it was a present from my mum and no one else wants it
   1x half jar or crystalised honey
   1x half a freddo frog chocolate block that I will give to my parents tomorrow
   1x pure green tea box
   1x ginger and apple tea box
   1x English Breakfast tea box

Food in basket:
   2x onions that have been there for about two weeks months
   1x orange

From the parentals:
   1x container of leftover roast
   5x 4x containers of one-serve soup
   4x containers of one-serve cake and custard. Woohoo! But also, does it count as junk if I didn't buy it??
   3x mammoth slices of zucchini slice


Food tally for the five days
BREAKFASTS
~ 2 hard boiled eggs
~ 2 peanut butter toasts
~ Zucchini slice
~ Zucchini slice
~ Oats with cinnamon, yoghurt and blueberries

LUNCHES
~ 2 peanut butter toast
~ Toasted butter sandwich, green chicken curry
~ Slider burgers
~ Toasted butter sandwich
~ Slice of toast, broccoli and potato soup

DINNERS
~ Hamburger with the lot
~ Roast beef dinner with potatoes, carrots and peas
~ Cucumber sandwich
~ ginormous amounts of Sushi before a nap/ or none
~ Roast potato, carrot and peas

SNACKS
~ Cashews
~ Yoghurt
~ A carrot
~ Jatz crackers
~ Tuna salad
~ oats and yoghurt
~ brown toast with marmalade

SWEETS
~ allens lollies party mix
~ freddo frog chocolate
~ peanut m&ms
~ the sexiest panna cotta ever
~ Iced coffee (sigh) ((For those who don't know... I LOVE Iced Coffees. It's everything in one: hardass cold coffee to hit you awake, creamy icecream to give the coffee a gradual sweet taste, and whipped cream for the pleasure unknown to man that can only be delivered in whipped cream form. Fuck YES)).
~ Anzac cookie
~ Sugar cookie (gf, like a meringue)
~ Caramel popcorn
~ Mango smoothie (it sounds nice and tasted even better, but it's probably loaded with ice cream and sugary yoghurt etc)
~ chocolate milkshake
~ little chocolate cake


Well! Now that I've properly warmed up for this healthy challenge... let the games begin!
^__^v