Today has been very interesting in a way that can only be described as Those Little Moments. Such as, I went to work in a fit of 'I only slept a broken three hours again!! I am SO BLOODY TIRED I'm having the ol "can't hold my drink properly so there it goes spilling on my pants again! Oh, wait, it didn't, fuck I'm amazing"' type gig. Man, I don't think I've slept a solid seven hours a night for a good month in about two years.
But yes, the little moments were: getting to work and doing a good job, but falling behind because of the ample tireds, then receiving help from one of the ladies who didn't have to help me at all. Somehow being organised af with all the dietary changes, people going out for lunch that never said so I had to flurry around dealing with that, staff not turning up resulting in myself and the other lady doing more than our fair share of work, and just generally going with the flow in a calm/tired/spaced-out-so-not-even-caring kind of way. The lady on yesterday had filled out all my menus so I didn't have to run around for one whole hour collecting people's food choices, which meant I could deal with the other work from the no-shows, which all worked out really well.
Remembering that I had to pay for a meal I had with a friend at a cafe yesterday where we walked out without paying because they served us at the table, and receiving a FREE COFFEE when I did pay. ^_^
Getting to the 12 items or less checkout with one jar of coffee, a chickpea and lentil dinner thing, and bread, to have the guy in font of me insist I go before him because I had more items than him.
Ok!
Now!
This isn't part of my whole 'clean eating joke of the year, ah ha ha ha Cerri, she cracks me up, thing', but for the past fortnight I have been watching food documentaries, namely 'Cowspiracy' and 'What the Health?' and just today 'Food Inc.'
They are fascinating.
Unfortunately it's confused me to no end.
I had my suspicions a long long time ago that basically 75% of the supermarket is processed and packet crap, and the other 25% is pesticide/chemical ridden garbage posing as 'fruit and veg'. It's just always been a fact for me because you go into the supermarket and it's there in front of you. What are chips? Some form of tampered potato doused in heavy amounts of chemical-laden seasoning. What is coke? Rubbish, it's entirely rubbish, bubbles, sugar, and dye and anything harmful like bleach because it can apparently clean a toilet, HOWEVER, vinegars are also used as a cleaning agent, so you know. They don't have the apparent sixteen teaspoons of sugar added or whatever.
Chocolate? Well apparently chocolate isn't even chocolate, or cocoa, because it's jam packed with sugar and flavours etc, ice cream is just processed milky stuff and sugar, yoghurt is apparently treated with fillers, sugar and colouring, and what even are soy crisps?
So those are the known unfoods that pretty much everyone knows are dodgy. Yoghurt is different because it's widely thought of as healthy, but most of them have sugar as one of the top three ingredients.
These documentaries claim that meat causes cancer, dairy causes a range of diseases among women because of the added hormones and tampering, and basically the general premise of all three docos was: 'your food is not food anymore. It is genetically, scientifically, and technologically abused to create better tasting/more addictive foods for the public, more money for the government/the only four corporations actually involved in the entire range of food sold in supermarkets, because at a global level they want to use brainwashing and mind control to enslave the population because they like feeling powerful. The people are demanding cheaper, better tasting, bigger meals now more than ever.
I literally can never eat an entire meal at a restaurant because I either get really uncomfortably full, feel like a glutton, or get annoyed at having to carry half of it home, trying not to forget it sitting in my car, remembering it's in my fridge, etc.
You know. On a more weirder level. My brain works better when I am not full. I notice myself thinking faster, sharper, clearer after eating salads and little light meals, and having lots of water.
And I think, 'is this a form of control? making us so fat and slow with food that all we will want to do is watch the ample supply of food programs and exciting tv shows/movies, which then propels us to go out and buy more food because we see it on tv, or buy another tv, or better sound system, or better kitchen ware, because the ads say so. I don't watch tv, but when I do involuntarily at work most of it is just ads anyway. It's loud, annoying, and repetitive, so at some point in our lives we will hum a tune or think of something we MUST GET and we will subconsciously think of that place and go there.
I wanted to go to Fantastic Furniture to get my goods. I searched the internet and found a few items I liked, and then someone mentioned about an independent furniture shop that was closing down, and so I went there and was BLOWN AWAY BY THE SEX GODS THAT APPARENTLY DO CARPENTRY IN THEIR SPARE TIME.
Then I went to Fantastic Furniture and was massively disappointed.
ANOTHER THING.
I'm reading this book called 'Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle' by Doreen Virtue, and she has some really good theories about how trauma survivors can fall into the cycle of being addicted to drama and chaos because it activates their energetic fight/flight response that these people have being dealing with for a long time. Because they deal with it for so long, it becomes normal, and so they need to sort of get an upper, and they do this by watching exciting action movies or thriller/horror shows.
So I thought then about how it's encouraged today to eat snacks with tv, as I have been rocking out with this whole year, and if these people are getting an adrenaline high that they associate with danger from their trauma, they'll then want comforting snacks in the form of sugary addictive cakes, creamy hormone disrupting ice creams, and chemically malformed mcdonalds burger meals etc.
It's bad enough that these people could also be abusing alcohol or drugs.
I understand that the entire world is not like this. These documentaries are based in America, so you know, but America is a really influential country that could leak it's unhealthy ways into Australia and England etc. And I understand also that documentaries are biased because they have a point to get across, but at least with these ones the people in them did their best to contact both sides of the argument for answers. Or so they show us.
The bases of the Food Inc documentary was about how most of the products in American shopping markets are made from corn because corn is such a versatile plant. It's apparently being manipulated into all sorts of products- even non-food items- and fed to cows, which is apparently horrendous because cows digestive systems are not set up for corn. But it's so cheap!
Also, according to Food Inc, there are only a handful of actual meat factories around all run by the same people who worked their way into the government positions of power so they could pass bills that disallowed the health organisation to do sanitary checks on their factories, AND THE FACT that supposed real life footage was shot that showed meat being dunked and spray-cleaned by ammonia. This is because cows are standing knee deep in their own excrement, then hoisted inhumanely by machines or scooped up and carted away in awkward and most likely painful positions in tractors, to be dumped in sheds, and killed horribly, all the while with excrement and bacteria and flies etc still on their backsides. So what was the solutions to the salmonella outbreaks that occurred years ago, multiple times, resulting in multiple deaths- some children? Not actually doing the humane thing and setting up better living conditions for these poor cows, no, it was, well the meat needs to be cleaned, so we'll clean it.
Yes.
Thanks for displaying your intelligent, mature, compassionate, well thought out decision-making skills, government. Solution: bandaid it. In other words: cover it up.
The only real situation in which this 'bandaid situation' works is basically in a bandage form, for a cut or wound that needs protection from air and invasive objects/further injury to site.
Just like this pill-popping notion our society has gotten itself into, the answer is not to cover it up, but to dig deep and find the cause of the problem, and start there.
But this is common sense! Common knowledge! This is the thinking of people who value more than money and power. The band aid solution rises out of greed, panic, and fear, and when has anything good ever come from acting out of fear?
TO BE FAIR, society does demand its moneys worth. Society, me included, would go ape shit if we couldn't have our favourite creamy, chemically treat whenever we want it at it's cheapest price. Like, we deserve it, don't we, after watching all this horrible news and dealing with shit people and situations on a daily basis.
Anyway,
My point is.
I always knew a lot of food we see is not food. It's chemicals designed to hook us in and keep us enslaved because the health industry is a boomer, which plays on the fear of people so they hand over their money because they don't know where to start, where to go, or what is true, and this isn't a recent tactic either.
But I didn't realise that I would be so effected by something that I always knew about.
I went into the shop yesterday and all I could think about was how a doctor in america was claiming yoghurt had fillers injected into it to plump it up, and then all I could see was that woman injecting fillers into this chicken and the skin puffed up right before my eyes (I mean it was on the screen so could be edited, with, like, photoshop or some advanced tech program...), and I was like BUT I WANT MY YOGHURT. I LOVE YOGHURT.
So I just bought a little ready made cup of salad and fruit, and some falafel balls with tablouleh.
Then today I only went into the shops to buy coffee as I am out entirely, and I was wandering around, suddenly aware that I hadn't eaten a proper meal, or any food, since 12 lunch because I came home and fell asleep, so I looked around and I literally stopped and almost screamed 'WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT??!!' Like, I don't want cancer, hormone issues, diabetes, food poisoning, heart issues, respiratory issues, depression, anxiety, chemical related anything diseases, BUT THAT'S ALL THERE IS.
So I've decided in my vague way that I'm going to try and grow all my own vegetables, bake my own bread, make my own almond milk and yoghurt, and somehow live entirely, all together, ON MY OWN, and fuck the fucking system.
FUCK.
And I mean I know that I could get hit by a car tomorrow and die, and float up to heaven in my silky af gown and perfectly placed halo, thinking, 'fuck sake Cerri, if only you had just eaten that delicious cancer-inducing burger, and that smoothass chocolate mousse, and XMAS PUDDING. YOU LOVE XMAS PUDDING YOU FOOL. GET BACK DOWN THERE AND BUY SOME RIGHT NOW, WITH THE REQUIRED BRANDY CUSTARD, AND EAT IT IN ALL THE MERRY JOY OF ALL THE PEOPLE TO ENJOY THINGS EVER'.
Jeez, Angel Cerri is a demanding bossy dick. But surely heaven would have those things already, if it's my heaven.
But!
Today has reminded me that life is not about food. We are CONSTANTLY bombarded with images, videos, dramatic soap operas of cooking kitchens, food adverts, places to eat at, meet friends at, have celebrations at all these food diners, it's insane. Food and spending are the literal backbone of the western society, and then they come out with 9/10 people are stressed, the other 1 are lying, 6/7 people are having heart attacks/heart issues, 193963/19 people are depressed or have anxiety and it's socially acceptable to actually have it so half are probably just dealing with daily life but over dramatising everything because the sudden expectation of anyone's life now is to be 100% perfect all the time, so why wouldn't you have one or the other? Is your life entirely perfect? It can't be, therefore you must either be stressed, depressed, anxious, neurotic, lying, on drugs, or simple.
Life is about the little things that we do for others and the fun situations we share. It sounds cliche, but it is.
I'm now extremely annoyed to walk into any supermarket, which in itself is annoying, because I know that it can't be that bad in this country, and because I used to LOVE shopping. Now I'm suspicious of everything and tired of it all.
Maybe I'm just tired. And I'm confused as to what I need to do for my body. What is true? What is just overkill, speculation, a way to get rid of the opposition?
On another note. I've been drinking a lot of lemonade lately and I've noticed a bit of acne around my jawline, so that is also annoying af.
Alright.
=End of rant=
Let's sail away on high seas in a haste kind of way, and jump into the last week of food log! Horray!
What a time it has been. ^__^
Foods I ate on Tuesday
6.30 ish am - most likely two toasts with vegemite, black coffee
8.00 - one white coffee, because I noticed I now need that second cup to perk me up >_<
10.15 - toasted butter sandwich? ohhh noo, I had a packet of light and tangy chips, and an Aero chocolate bar
half a bottle of water
1.30 ish pm - white coffee
4.30 ish - half a packet of sour cream stackers chips
Half a bottle of water
5.12 - one beef burger with the lot, onion, egg, lettuce etc
sips of water
One jumbo frozen sprite
one cup of water
Maybe the rest of the sour cream chips while watching Black Books
(I don't watch commercial tv. I have netflix)
Waters consumed
one whole bottle, some sips, one cup, one jumbo sprite
Foods I ate on Wednesday
9.00 am - two toasts with peanut butter, and I was annoyed at having no moist food. My plan was to soak oats overnight so they softened and eat them with blueberries and cinnamon but no yoghurt :(
11.00 ish - one white coffee
one water
probably some sips of water
1.00 pm ish - a falafel and tabblouleh pack, with about six little falafel balls and a big load of tabbouleh and spinach, which I ended up leaving at the parents, one white coffee
two glasses of lemon cordial
5.40 - one slice of delicious cherry ripe cake, one iced coffee, one slice of mushroom and cheese pizza, while out at a cafe with a friend.
one glass of lemonade
Waters consumed
one water (most likely a glass), some sips, two lemon cordials, one lemonade
Foods I consumed today! LAST DAY, WOOHOO!!
5.05 am - one black coffee
6.00 - two slices of bread with vegemite
one whole bottle of water
9.00 ish - a handful of jatz crackers because I was STARVING, and one banana that tasted ick
10.30 - white coffee, cup of ready cut veggies and fruit for smoothie: apple pieces, celery pieces, grapes, cucumber, lemon, kale
half a bottle of water
12.30 pm - a bowlful of chicken thai curry that was DELICIOUS, some cooked plain chicken- I KNOW I KNOW- pumpkin, carrot, zucchini, and broccoli.
sips of water
one white coffee
6.00 ish - one apricot, and one mouldy strawberry by accident. GOD DAMMIT SUPERMARKETS.
one lemonade
9.00 - one ready made meal of Lentil and Chickpea with freekeh (whatever that is), I know that can't be entirely fresh and natural and healthy, but it's like choosing the lesser of two evils.
one lemonade
Waters consumed
one and a half bottles, some sips, two lemonades
DONE.
YAY.
CONGRATS CERRI!!!
YOU PROBABLY ATE A SWEET/JUNKY THING EVERY SINGLE DAY. WELL DONE!
To be honest, this challenge activated the part of me that wanted the sweets every day and I was not interested in doing the healthy way without any junk, as much as I was really into recording all my shiz.
This month I focused more on feeding my iron deficiency, because living on only 7% of iron when the female body is supposed to have between 20-200, is THE WORST. I felt tired and faint ALL THE TIME. I actually felt like I was dying because my entire body felt horrible: tired, lethargic, faint, irritable, lack of concentration, unable to move quick, entirely and wholly sick, as if something inside my body was slowly killing me.
And it kind of was, because there was a little tiny polyp inside my endometrial cavity making me continuously bleed for about a good five months, and then about two/three months after that without any iron supplements at all, and I don't eat much meat anyway so I was almost literally out.
I know the meat industry, even if it's only in America, is a corrupt production line of abuse and ill-practise, because it's a manufacturer designed to cater for the ever-growing public needs so there's no way in hell every single factory would be operating in a proper way. Anyone who's ever worked in the real world, with retail or food, knows how fast and hard these places can be. People just choose not to think about it.
But I needed surgery to remove the polyp because my surgeon told me that the polyp will turn into endometrial cancer by the time I'm 40-50, and that's scary, especially when every other health professional was telling me most cases they don't and it's fine. So I now need as much iron as I can get as quickly as I can get so I can get off these tablets, because once again, who knows what's in them? Adding to the confusion is that since I've started my burger escapade, I've felt SO MUCH BETTER!!
So something there must be working, and I'll take it for now.
In the future I'd like to be totally sustainable and healthy getting my iron from plant bases because I still believe that meat is treated some how, in a harmful way- although I believe chips and chocolate are worse because of the sugar- and I want to limit my exposure to toxins. Natural has to be better, and if nothing else, I'd like to just try the natural vegan way to see how my body reacts.
Milk and dairy have always made my nose runny, gives me a cough, and I'm coming to think it gives me bloat, too.
And I know that there is a bigger cycle to things than just the meat and dairy industry backing cancer research that tells the public to eat meat even though studies prove they cause cancer and hormonal upsets, and that animal products are bad for us so eat these plants and sign our petitions and buy are overpriced vegan alternatives etc. The documentaries pointed out issues like over-farming to make way for cow and pig farms, cutting down of the rainforests and losing natural habitat, dead zones in the ocean where animal waste run-off just sits, ocean life becoming extinct, the greenhouse affect of our entire planet as the earth gets hotter and hotter with nowhere for the industrial/polluted/animal gases to go, civil right issues where unhygienic hog farms are located in low socio-economic areas, the whole lack of human autonomy, brainwashing, control, unfair situations caused by the government and health professionals that we are supposed to trust with out lives.
Do they not know? Or do they know but don't care?
If you go vegan because you care about how animals are treated, and you also don't want to to suffer from the chemical exposure, doesn't that mean you also think that it's wrong for the government to allow this to happen in the first place, and if it's is in such a boom, when does it stop? If you watch the documentaries and see how bad the environment is being treated just to create a single hamburger, don't you feel outraged at how big this situation really is, and sort of scared at how far it will go? It's not just 'I don't eat meat because I like cows and chickens are my friends', it's 'we all hear how they're plumping up chickens four times their normal size, while they're ALIVE, so we can eat supersized meals in a zombiefied state while destroying our entire planet, and NO ONE is moved by this?' So like, in essence, we're being told what to eat and we are being given what to eat without any say whatsoever. The people who get sick or die and try to sue/take action, are ignored, silenced, or killed.
~~ Here, have an anti-anxiety tablet.
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