"I'm going on away for a while!" she boomed down the line in her sincere yet clamorous voice.
Calemy winced. "Bally, how many times must I tell you-?'
"Don't tell me, brother dearest," Ballemi rolled her eyes while she let her boom speak for itself. "Show me." And she hung up.
"Now," Ballemi looked around the cluttered living area filled with ferny plants, colouring pencils, half-finished paintings, penis-shaped wine glasses, and oriental waving cat statues, and thought: can all of this really fit into my vehicle?
"There's two new birds out on the deck..." came a lazy drawl from behind her, and much to her dismay at being interrupted in her time of need, Ballemi brought herself up to her full five feet and ten inches, and said, "Caramel, I'm going on a trip."
Caramel took a sip out of a penis glass and squinted at her. The interesting thing about Caramel was her ability to drink cocoa out of a wine glass at any time of the day while making it look like a natural occurrence.
"Yes," Caramel nodded. "I can see by your aura that you most definitely should."
"I will need to take Jujube with me..." Ballemi continued, still glancing around and still- if she were honest- thinking about yesterdays fresh batch of cupcakes, the ten pounds those cupcakes gave her almost overnight, the smear of strawberry icing on her pillow and bed sheet from the luxurious midnight viewing of 'Does my cookie dough look big in this?' (it did), and how, as if by magic, she turned around after her cooking spree to find out they didn't own a dishwasher.
"We've never had a dishwasher," Caramel had smiled around her glass of chocolate with a look of mild amusement.
"You mean ever?" Ballemi asked, shocked and somewhat suspicious.
"Never, ever."
"What the BOLLOCKS!"
Now, Caramel sat down on the lilac couch and turned on the tv. "I doubt Jujube will go with you, however I agree one hundred per cent that he should. I just think he would get bored."
"Of course he wouldn't get bored. God Caramel, you'd think all he ever did was extremely exciting adventures like mountain climbing while riding alpacas, or online dating."
"Oh, well, yes."
Ballemi ignored Caramel's lack of argumentative fire, or passion, or real investment in other such extremely exciting adventures, and heaved her black, dusty, monstrous suitcase out of the hallway cupboard, down the hallway, and into the living room. She plopped it on top of the coffee table. Caramel propped herself up on two cushions to see the tv better.
"Alright! Things to bring on The Trip..." Ballemi stared at a painting of the Mona Lisa. What could one possibly do with that?
"An iron!" Caramel called out suddenly.
"Yes!" Ballemi screeched, relieved, "Yes! Perfect! Thank you!" She raced off, grabbed their old, cordless (because a family of mice had chewed it off, presumably to eat for dinner) metallic heap of an iron and dumped it in.
"Hole puncher!" Caramel called out again.
"Oh my god yes!"
When Ballemi came back with one, Caramel yelled: "Washing powder!"
"God yes." She flung in half a box.
"A navy blue sweater!"
"Oh, GENIUS!"
"Tinsel from last Christmas!"
"Well, seems a bit pointless but I guess I can see its potential."
"Scissors that you cut chicken with!" Caramel shrieked out in laughter.
"You're right... a roast turkey could most probably come up."
"A lamp in the shape of Baloo from Jungle Book!"
"Oh, well, will this whale lamp do?"
"Sneakers without laces!"
"I actually have a pair of those!"
This went for quite some time. After half an hour had passed, Caramel looked over at Ballemi as she zipped up her bulging suitcase and asked: "Did you get all those answers too?"
"Huh?"
"To the quiz... the show just on."
Ballemi frowned, "Was there a show on?"
"The theme was Things One Could Do Without."
"Was it...?" But Ballemi was once again staring at the Mona Lisa painting, preoccupied, regretful, and unsure. She was certain it could be made useful. Was it wise to pack it just in case?
"Bollocks!" she cried happily. "I will!"
"Oh you're not taking that old thing are you?" Caramel scoffed just as Jujube leaped gracefully onto her lap. He watched as Ballemi hoisted up the painting that was as tall and just as wide as she was and he purred in what seemed like approval.
"This cat has no taste," Caramel shook her head.
"God almighty, who the hell invented this?" Ballemi huffed. She had really only just turned around, carrying the painting as high in the air as she could, but that was enough. She slammed it down in a tired huff.
Caramel swigged the last of her drink, stood up with no regard for Jujube whatsoever, and helped Ballemi carry the painting to the suitcase, open the suitcase, and pull out seventeen pairs of knee-high socks so they could slide the painting in.
"You are a nightmare!" Caramel said, laughing with her head thrown back.
"And you..." started Ballemi in all seriousness and solemness usually reserved for court rooms and table-tennis matches, "are the loyalest friend a person could ever want. A salute to you." She saluted. Caramel laughed but looked extremely pleased, if a little unsurprised and not at all modest in the slightest.
Ballemi took this with good grace.
"Come along Jujube!" she sang. "Good bye Caramel! I shall write every week! Then every other week, then once a month, due to my hot and steamy romantic affair that will render me without any time at all to pursue my once sought-after hobbies! Oh how I will miss them all! Let's go Jujy!"
Feeling light as air and excited as a little kid, Ballemi burst out of the front door. She stopped, squinted in the bright sunlight.
She could hear laughter coming from inside.
"Caramel!" she shouted. "I haven't got a car!"
No comments:
Post a Comment