MY EYEBROWS ARE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE
Moreover, my strawberry plant is sort of dying and this saddens me because I'm only up to chapter three on Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and I'd really like Sierra to know the ending of one of the greatest books in print. Sierra is my strawberry plant, because I have thing with alliteration. Or do I? Certainly not in my everyday speech as that would be alarming and annoying and bothersome- not to mention time-consuming and a little bit wet- but maybe in the back of my mind there's this quiet voice prodding me, whispering: 'use the words, work the magic that is poetry and spelling and aligning words into sentences with structural purpose and sounds of soothing bliss.We won't judge.'
And I must say, I really feel that they will judge. I have this feeling, deep down in the pit of all things, a feeling of mild persecution. A perpetual uncomfortable intrusion.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
^_^v
~
THINGS I HAVE DONE:
! Learnt how to tie a tie.
! Had a car accident because I was ferrying strawberry pie around the streets.
! Read three chapters of Harry Potter to my strawberry plant.
! Coincidentally, all the strawberries in this tale are from different sources, JUST IN CASE ANYONE WAS WONDERING ABOUT THEIR WHEREABOUTS, WHICH I'M SURE EVERYONE IS.
! Bought a zombie Christmas t-shirt and an Adventure Time advent calendar.
! Considered being hardcore as fuck and opening my calendar backwards, but my OCD won't let me.
! Broke two gnomes.
! Glued two gnomes together.
(These could be related)
! Went to the circus.
! Rode on a camel and realized that I much preferred the Ferris Wheel and I HATE the Ferris Wheel.
! Burnt my tongue twice.
! Stepped on a pin.
! Accepted the fact that no matter what I do, my computer screen will always change from blue, to yellow, to red, to normal, whenever it damn well pleases.
! Spent six hours and forty-nine minutes trying to pry off a device attached to Jill's chest in Resident Evil 5.
! Ate seven hundred thousand little marshmallows covered in chocolate and was transported to heaven for that time.
Yes, it has been a blast.
Also, if I happened to be stuck in some isolated place for a long period of time with nothing but another human being and a dog, which out of the two would I eat?
Also, a train.
But earnestly, in all the earnest that I can muster up at such a late hour...
HERE ARE MY TEN REASONS FOR EATING THE DOG. Amem.
1. In my professional opinion that has nothing to do with actual experience, I reckon the dog would taste better.
2. The dog may have more meat to offer, depending on the build of the two, thus would last longer.
3. I can have conversations with the human while we eat the dog, and I cannot have conversations with the dog while we eat the human unless we both know sign language, and even then, I'm not sure if the dog's paws would be up for the challenge of making all the signs, resulting in miscommunication and possibly a fight.
4. The lovely fur of the dog will keep me and my companion warm on those long cold nights.
5. I've heard rumours that eating another human being can make you sick.
6. I can also have conversations with the human about how to get out of our current isolating situation.
7. It would feel wrong to kill another human being, unless they were someone like Hitler.
8. I'm 85.2 per cent certain that I would be unable to actually eat a human. (I left room because the zombie apocalypse is coming and you just never know).
9. I really feel like Garlic Prawns.
10. Number 9 is legit because it's a well known scientifically proven fact that prawns and garlic together with yummy fluffy rice and the creamy goodness of sauce stimulate specific cells in the body that activate brain neurons therefore enabling certain human/dog debate information to be processed at a faster rate, and this is how lists of genius are born.
For Real.
