Can I get a 'Hell Yeah?'

Unless that's already been one of my blog titles, in which case, ignore and move on.
Yes.
Moving on.
How hard is that shit?
Like, not even going to fool around with the words and sentence layouts because this type of thing is no joke. It's real, and it's hard.
So. Bloody. Hard.

A Snapshot into my Current Life. (AKA, Stop looking at that bloody gnome and pay attention to me).

Ok. So what I really want to write is something like:

My Wonderful Life:
~ I always start my mornings off with a kale and veggie juice smoothie packed with vitamins and ten thousand other unheard of minerals that are actually really good for you
~ Then I do yoga stretches. I'm well acquainted with my core, I know ALL ABOUT my stretch limits, and my Downward Dog pose is spec-woofin-tacular.
~ Jump in the shower, hydrate to the h20 with my ample supply of freshly washed water bottles that I bought specifically to put water in and hydrate with.
~ I love my job!! It brings me fulfillment in a way I could never have imagined, I always pick my hours, I am an example of a good work/life balance because I know how to refuse shifts while charming the people with my charismatic charm.
~ Arts and Crafts are two words I use every single day.
~ I just finished making a tea cosy.
~ Got my car serviced, paid all my bills on time, have some spare cash just lying around so I invested it, and yes, my savings goals are coming along real nice, thanks for asking.
~ I am a gracious, good-natured lady who interacts with family well. You want wit? I've got it! You need an ear? Have one of mine! Doing some heavy lifting? Let me help! Problems? I gotchu.
~ I wear stylish and clean clothes daily because I matched my wardrobe to the Harry Potter aesthetic pinterest boards.
~ I do everything I have ever pinned. Completion is my middle name. I also own a pin-board IRL.
~ I glide home after a busy but productive day at the work life, pull up into my driveway and glance over at the bees bumbling away over the grass. I can reach my handbag! Why is this? Why is it so easy to just extend my arm and lift it off my passenger seat? Could it be because there's nothing else on the passenger seat? Maybe the ease could be due to the fact I actually clean my car out every time I drive it?? Who's to know!!?? Certainly not I! And certainly not anything in my car, ever, seeing as how it looks like I live in it 24/7, and could also probably be hoarding half of someone else's crap along with all of mine.
~ MEAL PREP
~ TIDY AS YOU GO
~ HEALTHY HABITS
~ ACTUALLY MAKING THE MOVE
~ COFFEE IN THE SUN
~ ACTUAL SUN

The Actual Snapshot:
~ There is no sun. At all.
~ I roll out of bed wearing half of my wardrobe due to the fact my house is freezing most of the time because, one: it's winter, and two: we leave the door open so the cat (not mine) can decide to wander out for five minutes and then wander back in again once a day. Yes. This is correct.
~ I make a mug of black coffee and down it within six seconds, or two hours, depending on if i'm working
~ My car has roughly about 6 water bottles rolling around (I kid. They don't roll. They sit tightly squished against other crap and have been in that position for the past month), and they're all the kind of cheap plastic that I tell myself I WILL NEVER BUY AGAIN EVER, whenever I do buy one. As you can see this has worked out really well.
~ I listen to the same songs on my ipod that I  have done five years ago. These days I have been bangin out to Green Day, believe it or not. I have replayed 'misery' and 'homecoming' about three thousand times because I love the end of the song where they sing 'hoooooooome.... we're coming hoooome, again.' Sometimes it makes me cry. And other times it gives me a warm feeling of newness/old memories/the sun rising at dawn.
~ The sun rising at dawn is quite possibly the best feeling in the world, unless you knew it was your last day.
~ I never turn down shifts. I work all the shifts, all the time, and one day my body will break down until I am just a head, and they will magnify it so it is three times the size of a normal head like The Face Of Boe, but I will be the Face Of Cerri, and I will live in a tank of water and tell prophecies, or some such nonsense. I was very tired when I watched that episode of Doctor Who.
~ But yes. I spend my entire life at work so I can earn money and pay off the house I bought asap. My goal in in the next five years, however, with my non-existent savings- even though I spend hours at a time doing the math and working it alllllllllll out- and pittance of pay that I actually receive, it will probably take me 1000052 years exactly.
~ The house is not entirely mine, nor do I live in it, and nor is it one I exceptionally like. I bought it for someone else, and thus, I am living my life for them. I had envisioned this scenario that when I finally transferred the money and it was all done, I would be free, but all it's done is propel me into another time-consuming situation where I have no way out unless I pay it off as fast as I humanly can.
~ So! Therefore! I do not pop into my parents house or see my family in the expected way as outlined above. I am often tired or caught up some stupid war. There is always a war going on and I have never known calm intellectual interaction. Although, recently it's been coming along nicely with only a few minor hitches
--- let's all just touch some wood here
and I must say, those short periods of calm intellectual interaction are treasured quite deeply, maybe more than other people treasure their family interactions. Or maybe not, who knows where my words are coming from? Certainly not my mouth! Haw haw haw
~ After a long-ass day handling food and bending in ways that I shouldn't so I can reach around to the back of the toilet bowl, I squeal into my driveway because my car needs a service and I keep putting it off, so the wiper blade cover slumps and slops about when moving, the brakes make a high squeal whenever I press them, the left indicator doesn't work unless you jam it hard all the way up and then it goes super fast, the right drivers window always ends up a tiny crack down in the course of driving that lets in that frantic wind 'wheoeoeoeoeoesssssh' noise, and lastly, there is always ONE ANT somewhere in that car. These days I also get the 'clankity clank' of my partners lawnmower in the boot whenever I go over a speed bump, which I was thinking today isn't a good sign because it could be damaging the lawn mower when it bumps against the car, and the whole point of lugging his lawn mower all over the country side was so I didn't have to buy one. 
~ I grab two or three things that I can be bothered taking into the house while thinking 'I'll take the REST OF THIS TOP HAT SHIT IN LATERZ HOMIE G' because I cbf hauling it all in.
~ Laterz never actually arrives. His brother does though, the one called 'Let's see how much stuff can last in this car before I have a mental breakdown and throw it all on the side of a highway',
~ Then I open the fridge and stare at it because, well, I haven't meal prepped since that lonesome instagram photo, like, four months ago, and staring at a half carton of eggs, milk, some food colouring, hard butter that makes me cringe to spread, half a pineapple wrapped in clingwrap and a three quarter bag of carrots just seems like a really fun thing to do.
~ I close the fridge and have a ten second shower while moaning about how this winter is definitely worse than ever before and it can't possibly get any colder, or any wetter, or any worse than this very day, which is about 14 degrees and not even that terrible at all.
~ I replace yoga with scrolling through real estate houses while huddled up under two quilts, one blanket, ten layers of clothes including a pair of tights and a pair of pants with holes in the bum region, a wheat bag that smells like food on account of ONCE heating it unknowingly with some food stains on the top of the microwave, a beanie, a bar heater right up next to the bed, and a mug of steaming mocha to warm my chaotic heart in the form of a cracking stalactite. 
~ I replace kale with marmalade on buttery toast.

If I was ever to have a boy or even a little bird, I would call them Buttery. The very thought warms my cold stalactite. 
The thing is: I LOVE my books. I could never throw them out. So I haul them in my car from place to place in the freezing cold and hard rain. The whole back of my car is filled to the doors with books that I LOVE, to the point where I had thrown my beloved owl mug that my partner had given me back there, and it was happily rolling around on the mounds of books and possibly shopping bags, clothes just bought, shoes, a toy sword, and etc, and then one day I gaily opened the back drivers door and a heap of books toppled out along with my mug. THAT SMASHED. Not into a thousand tiny pieces as one would expect from such a delicate ornament Holy Jesus it's almost midnight.
ALSO
I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT FACEBOOK HAS TRIGGERED THIS SPIDER FEAR THING AND I JUST NOW SAW A BLACK MOVING THING ON MY RIGHT OF THE BED.
Hoping for a mouse, but just really want to sleep. My whole life is this one continuous run of situations in which I react.
Ahhh yesss, the mouse.
Well.
Wasn't that a fun time for all involved?
I hammered apart my wardrobe and did, indeed, find mice mess underneath, but I found the most mess under my shelves and bedside drawers. I ended up knocking out all the bottoms of all my furniture so that nothing could hide and I would be able to see in. It's surprising how much furniture is hollow underneath with a wooden plank that sits at the front, and I will not stand for it!
I REFUSE TO STAND FOR---

This has been a bulletin report by Cerri Fae, who is 'not joking guys' when she says there could be a mouse on her very bed, this very minute.
Goodnight from the newsroom, and we'll see you tomorrow.

+