Are you wearing my waving gloves?

Day 3 & 4
Hello there! I have a confession!
I may or may not have bought womanly things and a packet of jatz today!
Ok. I did buy them, there's no may or maybe not, it's all real deal and it's all in my possession and I'm much better of for it- well, with the womanly things anyway.
Yesterday was a day of dramatic occurrences, so obscenely dramatic that I reached into my bag for my wallet to toddle off for the vending machine and buy a packet of chips (I'd decided on the chicken kind) only to find out I had left it at home.
One thing I hadn't prepared for on this No Spend month was working out in advance what food to take to work. The last two days I forgot to take bread out of the freezer, resulting in me standing in the kitchen at 5.12am trying to coax my brain into waking up so it could create a plan B.
My brain is not good at sorting through its immense paperwork so early in the morning.
It frowns at me as if I'm a naughty child that should know better.
"But you ARE me!" I yell inside my head."I'm only in this mess because YOU spend half your time throwing glitter around the place and gluing together broken gnomes instead of dealing with real-world problems, like figuring out exactly what is suddenly growing in my abandoned pot plant and cleaning out the mysterious objects under my bed!"

So as me and my brain made up over hot scones and really strong coffee later that day, I secretly enjoyed the fact that I had conveniently left my wallet at home, along with my car keys, which resulted in royal treatment not unlike that which the Queen must experience. That is: being driven around in a smooth, warm, and spacious car.

A lot of results happened, and they were all 10/10.
All the ten. All the time.

So that was ONE almost slip up.
And the problem still remains: I love bread as if it was my own child.
So much so that I eat it daily. DAILY. I never even knew this was wrong until someone once said that they were sick of eating so much bread, but payday was tomorrow and, fuck, what a shit tonne of full they felt. I thought maybe that was the reason why I felt a bit blahhh all the time.
Like, maybe give me some happenin' salad and I'll suddenly burst forth with mountains of energy. I tried cutting up cucumber, carrot, tomato, cheese and avocado in a container with a pear for dessert, and I did feel amazingly hydrated afterwards. There's something about eating moist foot people, and that something is worth knowing.
It's almost exactly like eating cold oats that have soaked overnight in water and blueberries with added Vaalia mango yoghurt. FUCK THE BLISS. I have never eaten a whole bowl of porridge before, in my life, but that morning I wanted seconds!
Seconds.
Has any food ever felt so rewarded than that which has been declared forth for MORE consumption?
Surely all food wants is to be eaten?
What a simple life some lead.

Okay. On to Day Four before I start confusing my jam-soaked brain. (TAKE A SHOWER, BRAIN, JEEZ. WHAT IS THIS, THE STONE AGE?)
What a day.
I must exclaim in the loudest of voices. Please, whatever you do, NEVER: work three double shifts in a row. I once did five, and I survived to tell the tale, but many were not so lucky. I still schedule in my support group once a month.
Nah, to be reals, it's actually not that bad! Working from 6am until 7pm isn't the worst case scenario in any job, when you boil it all down to the slime and eyeballs. The five was pretty manageable because some shifts were shorter, but man, being on your feet all day with only two breaks while the rest of the time you're flying through the halls, running at full pelt from one end of the corridor to the other just to get someone's toast to them before it turns cold, dishing out twenty meals at once for five tables, bending, reaching, walking, standing, smiling, waving, holding doors open, banging ice with a mallet... all these things and much, much more, creates a little hole in the soul of Cerri where her life force dribbles out.
But not really.
Her life force cannot dribble out because it is contained by sheer will.
SHEER WILL.
Someday, this Sheer Will will take form in the shape of a farm with cows and sheep and a goat all roaming around a little hobbit-cottage with smoke rising from the chimney.
If there is someone reading my blog who has NO IDEA about hobbit-cottages, or even just plain ol hobbit houses, then I suggest you PAUSE RIGHT NOW and acquaint yourself with the magic that is.

But back to topic!
Being magical and such meant that no money was spent today. Oh wait, I did buy the womanly things and jatz crackers.
Fuck I love jatz. I must be the only person in the entire world who LOVES them with such a passion, but there it is.
So those two items cost me 7.20, and I only bought the jatz because my shift was meant to finish at 3pm, but my boss told me to finish at 2.30 due to the reluctantcy of wanting to pay overtime (I assume) and by the time I got to the shop and bought the WT, I thought: 'What they hey, I might as well buy some snackeroos to tide me over as I won't get back until my shift starts again at 3.30'.

[I'm pretty sure that's not how No Spend works, but I'd rather deduct 7.20 from a fortnight's pay than get caught eating work food and given a warning, which I'm sure they record.]

To be honest- because this is a blog of my actual personal recordings- I'm getting real sick of No Spend and it's only day four. It could be because I'm also tired of working long hours. The struggle of trying to find cheap items, the hassle of comparing everything in the shop- not to mention time consuming-, the brief disappointed feeling I get when I actually want something that sits on top of whatever I'm feeling at the time that's making me want it so then I end up hunched forwards from the double weight, the guilt when I realise how much I actually spend on junk food and how often I want it, is all wrapped up in a loose ball of 'What The Actual Frick Frack Cerri?'
It sucks the joy right out of things, that's what it does.
It takes joy and smooths it out with an expensive iron so it's creaseless and steam-cleaned at the same time, slides the crisp joy into a glass photo frame, hangs in prime location in office wall, laughs at daily. Probably even taps on glass in an annoying way, just because.

OH MY GOD I FORGOT I HAVE TUNA AND KIPPERS IN THE CUPBOARD. HOLY MOTHER OF LOVE.

Also, I feel as though I am developing a cold.

So!
Jesus, can my money situation get any more confusing?
If I sort my spend-nothing-for-one-whole-month life out correctly, technically I spent my '19.20 on food last Thursday' according to day one, which is weird and ridiculous as No Spend started the day after. So, TECHNICALLY, I spent this weeks 19.20 on Father's day supplies and 3/4 box of jatz, which means that when I get paid this Thursday, I will have 19.20-7.20= 12.00.
Twelve dollareenos! Until next Thursday, when I will give myself that week's 19.20.
TWELVE DOLLARS UNTIL THE 14TH OF SEPTEMBER!!?? Fkuc me.

Ok, get your saving boots on Cerri! You can do this!! Smash this challenge to the floor! And sing the happy birthday song, and generally live life with bright balloons and cupcake-shaped hair clips and so on and so forth bright and bubbly peace amen.

(--__@)v