Day 14 & 15
I am as serious as I can get when I say in a hushed and somber voice... 'I have had eye pain, all day.'
Yes! All day!
In other news, yesterday I lounged in my warm bed all day, yes! All day! All of the The Day, which was basically and honestly a good 12 hours of my existence wiped out with nothing to show for it.
Is my soul rested? Am I emerging from my hibernation under a large wet leaf and leaping into the drudgery that is work as an entirely New Human? Do I feel energised? Content? Or even a mild sense of satisfaction due to feet that are not throbbing anymore?
Who's to say! I sludged all day and then I slept, woke up with a start this morning and d r a g g e d myself out of bed all dreary-eyed but happy because I smelled like my vanilla body-wash.
My no-spend companion gave me that body-wash when I declared my shower woes with the running out of the essential gel that washes the body and the shampoo that does whatever it does to the hair to ensure the maximum ONE DAY of soft and shine before fading away and leaving behind a wilting, lifeless, oily clump.
I said, 'SHIT, I'm almost out of body wash.'
And my friend said, 'HERE, use this. It's almost full, too.'
What a leg.
Yesterday I spent 5.49 on the SHITTEST peanut butter that I have ever tasted, and it's the largest of it's kind because it worked out cheaper. I went into the supermarket to purchase butter... and, like... some hardass chocolate cake. Like, with whopping great chocolate cream, and the actual white whipped cream, and the chocolate sponge and the eating with all of my face because I have ALWAYS WANTED to smash my head into cake.
Why I have been denied this amazing pastime I will never know.
I almost cried when I took the second bite of my peanut butter toast because all I could think of was: 'WHY ARE YOU BETRAYING ME LIKE THIS? YOU UNFAITHFUL LIFE-LONG FRIEND.'
But I have the jar now due to my spend nothing and also, while you're at it, spend as little as you can on actual essential items, or better yet, just don't eat at all. It's not the goal here, but I seem to be eating less and less.
Anyway. The butter worked out to be 1.99. I felt mixed about this butter. On the one hand, I wanted a cheap butter that I could SPREAD instead of putting it atop the toaster just to soften it's stone-cold heart, but on the other hand I really wanted the cheap satisfaction of paying almost nothing for a solid product.
Now, butter was my decoy (sorry butter! I didn't want you to hear this from me, but it's true! I never actually intended to buy you, you were an accident, and even though I planned you halfway through my supermarket time, I actually regret buying you and associate you with that god-awful peanut butter every time I open your lid), or better yet, it was the thing I was pretending to get when my real target was any chocolate cake and cream I could find, and fast.
HOWEVER.
I felt bad feelings every time I considered buying anything chocolatey, and the more I stood in front of chocolatey things the less I wanted them.
This is the trick.
Or is it?
Today I had an interaction with The Girl.
I sat down, for some reason, all squished up to the couch armrest.
I said: 'Oh! What movie is this?'
She said: 'I don't know! Want a smoke?'
I agreed.
We smoked for 9 minutes.
I said: 'What are these?'
She said: 'I found them in the Lederhosen.'
'No way!'
'Yes!'
We squealed. Lederhosen? Why, that was simply unheard of!
'Since when do they have pockets, eh?' I asked while scratching my chin.
She shrugged and I immediately thought of mermaids. 'Bernaard brought them in but I haven't seen any like this. I felt them and that's when my hands felt the hard lump.'
I nodded.
'I thought it was probably a pack of cards.'
'Well, that would be appropriate.'
She sat up straighter. 'Do you want to buy a rum?'
'Oh yes, that sounds nice.'
We stood up at the same time and I marveled at the fact that she was almost the same height as me.
'I think afternoon is the perfect time for a drink,' she said with a knowing look. 'But only one. Rum is my favourite.'
'Mine too!' I assured her, even though it actually wasn't.
'Alright.'
And at the end I still hadn't gotten her name.
~If any of this makes the least bit of sense it is because I am, once again, running on 4 hours of sleep.
ShoutOut to the people doing life on less than 5 hours of shuteye.
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