Saturday, 4 November 2017

Did Thor REALLY mind that his hair was cut?

Day 3 & 4 had the peanut chocolate feel
Ok,
So I just remembered that I have half a block of freddo frog chocolate in the cupboard, so here's hoping don't run to the kitchen in my sleep and down it all in one.

Yesterday I ate the foods in this chaotic, slightly vague order:
What did I do yesterday?
Oh yes...

Foods I have eaten today (but yesterday like)
6.30 ish - zucchini slice and black coffee
one glass of water
10.30 - bowl of oats with cold water, cinnamon and plain yoghurt. HEAVENLY BLISS I'm telling you.
One glass of water
12.30 - one iced coffee whilst out doing some random shopping 
1.10 pm - two classic slider burgers, and they were DELICIOUS fuck.
300 mls of water (half a bottle)
3.05 - an apple and black currant juice with one anzac cookie and one sugar cookie from my house cleaning lady. I literally cannot refuse any food she gives me, she is one amazing woman.
5.20 ish - the last halloween bag of candy. T__T I was reading the end of my novel and it was that annoying echoey sad mixed with a lame wrappinng up of events, where not only did the MUM sleep with her DAUGHTERS new boyfriend- before him and the daughter got together- I realised that the father had also slept with the woman that his son had ended up getting with. Now, I enjoy a good story in the sense of art, but that situation really disgusted me to the core. Both parents met people, slept with them, and the mother really enjoyed it and wanted it to continue, but it didn't because the fella got interested in the girl, and then the people sort of 'swapped on' from the parents to the children. These were all adult children, by the way, but the novel was from the woman's perspective, and while it was all hilarious and British and indulged in the use of swear words and meaningless conversations, the novel itself wasn't that descriptive so sometimes I had to work out who was talking by reading ahead and going backwards, which is annoying, time consuming, and takes the reader out of the book.
SO.
I WAS REPELLED BY SOMETHING I HAD SO RECENTLY BEEN LOVING.
Enter, the sweet comfort of chocolate peanuts, lollies, and freddo frogs. Livin the dream.
6.15 ish - cucumber sandwich on wholemeal bread, white coffee. I took this white coffee in a travel mug to the cinema
7.30 ish - one piece of caramel popcorn.
10.30 ish - one mango smoothie from San Churro. If you ever want the mango-iest, pulpiest, creamiest yet light-as-air-iest slurp of heaven, just order a Mango smoothie from the San Churro and prepare for exploding bliss.

Exercise I have done:
None, although I did park far away from the shopping center at lunch so I had to power walk to it and then in there because I list track of time while buying the amazingly god-of-sex burgers.

Water I have consumed
4


Foods I have eaten today (of the day four variety)
5 am - zucchini slice and black coffee
6 am - white coffee
one glass of water
7.45 - piece of brown toast with marmalade
10.15 - white coffee, toasted butter sandwich
sip of water
12.30 - I TRIED TO RESIST. JUST REMEMBER THAT. One bowl of bread and butter pudding with cream. I have a MASSIVE weak spot for bread and butter pudding. I just love it. It brings me Joy, and Marie Kondo swears that you must keep anything which sparks the Joy.
2.00 pm - half a cup of water
3.05 - ALL THE SUSHI MONEY CAN BUY. Love. In my case, that was 19 dollars worth of mostly chicken, salmon, and beef in barbeque, soy, or creamy sauce.
Sips of water from amazing unicorn travel mug.
11.10 pm - one mug of hot apple and ginger tea, due to falling asleep around 5 pm and waking up at 10.40 pm. 

Exercise I have done:
None, but once again I parked really far from the shopping center (although out of laziness and air-headedness rather than an actual intent to exercise) and then I almost ran to the sushi place because my friend arrived while I was looking through a shop. Also, I like to think that I exercise at my work, but today I was so tired from something or another- quite the mystery it is- therefore I operated more like a sloth on weed.

Waters I have consumed
1 glass, a few sips, and some refills of my apple tea.

Woman. Get yo shit together. 

Thursday, 2 November 2017

'So, was there anything special?'

Day 2 was a toasted cheese sandwich
It was, and I WAIT THAT IS A LIE OMG I AM SO TIRED, F.

...

Don't ever do banking whilst running on four hours of sleep.

Food I have eaten today
6.24 am - two peanut butter on wholemeal toasts and black coffee. Discard white bread as if it never existed, please. Turn away and slide on over to the grain/seed/wholemeal/or even better rye bread, and just do yourself a massive favour in life. Thanks.
9 am - three jatz biscuits because I was starving and maybe even having low blood sugars. I seem to get that low blood sugar feeling whenever I start work at 8am, and thus, eat breakfast at around six thirty or seven am.
10.20 - white coffee no sugar, toasted butter sandwich. There was supposed to be cheese but I had none so I went commando.
12.30 pm - green chicken thai curry with pumpkin, carrot, cauliflower and broccoli, courtesy of work. (Shh)
1.30 - white coffee
3.30 - white coffee, because I was bored between shifts and lethargically tired
4.26789 - HAD MY TUNA SALAD REALLY FAST BECAUSE I LOST TRACK OF TIME AND THEREFORE ONLY HAD SIX MOUTHFULS
6.30 - THE MOST FUCKIN PANNA COTTA EVER TO GRACE MY MOUTH. FUCK. IT WAS CREAMY. IT WAS MILKY. IT WAS SILKY AND NOT TOO SWEET BUT JUST RIGHT HOLY FUCKSHIT
~ So I don't regret eating that sweet thing. Actually I kind of do. But, like, I'm hoping the blase attitude will rub off on my emotional turmoil and create some magical inner tranquil farm of light and ocean and lotus and pearls on the feet, and some other such.
8.00 pm - roast beef dinner at the parents with carrots, peas, POTATOOOO GET IN ME and onion. They are pretty sweet, and I was so full from the exotic perfection of love, but I ate it anyway
10.59 om - like, real deal irked because I now have to take my Iron tablet and it says take with food, but I just feel as though taking it on a full tummy is as good as 'do not take on an empty tummy', especially from the motherload I have consumed today. Sorry, Peter, for blaming my love-handles on you >__<.

Food I have accumulated today
From the parentals:
   1x container of leftover roast
   5x containers of one-serve soup
   4x containers of one-serve cake and custard. Woohoo! But also, does it count as junk if I didn't buy it??
   3x mammoth slices of zucchini slice

Rules update
So, like, I really wanna eat that custard cake. I probably shouldn't wipe out junk altogether (although where is the fun, exciting, nail-biting challenge if I don't?!) because life can suck ass and I really want to wallow sometimes with a giant tub of ice cream and a deservingly well-lit pleasure centre. Well, not wallow. Maybe more laze about because, life situation.
I'm going to change my rules so I can eat sweet foods as long as I don't spend money on them.
And last night I woke up halfway through the night, took out the last Halloween snack bag from my bedroom drawer and literally Ate It In Bed, Then Went Back To Sleep.
What the fuck is that shit?
Like, what is that about?
Anyway.

Exercise I have done:
Fuck. I forgot to exercise. But to be fair I went straight to my parents after the double shift and got back to my house at about 9.30 and NO WAY am I running around the block in the dark.

Water I have consumed:
4
Let's be real here. Water and I aren't really on speaking terms.

I felt a bit nauseous in the car on the way home from the parents, so maybe I should calm down on the putting something in my stomach every two hours. I feel like all I've done today is walk around and eat.
Although,
Is that such a bad thing? Eating is SO GOOD. OH MY GOD.

Peace out.
3__3

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Why must I always go forth?

Hello! And welcome to my Healthy Eating Challenge.
I'd love to know why this website has only seven font types, six of them that all look annoying similar and none of them cursive.
How are we supposed to let free our creative spirit?
Basically, by choosing this outrageous seventh font and using our wild imagination.
Cries in corner.
Ok! And onwards! To the present, where I can't remember which font I started in and even though I am fairly certain this is the one, I still stop at random words and squint in fearful uncertainty.
Thank you, Blogger.
Anyone else have trouble wording the sentences after a period of time away from blogging, or it just me?
Anyone else do the 'clearing throat mmmmmmhmmmmmmm' in a really long, loud, angry way and end up mentally apologising with a verbal 'God that was loud, Jesus' muttering?

Ok, let's wrap up this dramatic introduction because, Cerri, your weirdness is showing.

Rules for the Healthy Eating
So exciting! A good ol chum and I decided to participate in a whole month of healthy eating, that is to say: we both have different rules and goals but the consistences are the length and the health inducingness. We need more health and we want it now!
My rules:
~ DO NOT LEAVE HALF-FULL CUPS OF WATER AROUND YOUR ROOM. YOU WILL SPILL THEM. YOU WILL SPILL THEM EVERY TIME BECAUSE IT'S MURPHY'S LAW, AND YOU WILL USE EVERY SWEAR WORD UNDER THE SUN. JUST DRINK THE ENTIRE THING STRAIGHT UP, BURP, INCUR INDIGESTION AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR DAY.
~ Holy mother of god, my desk is making this taping sound every time I type as if a little earring is hitting it. I must go forth with music on.
~ I decided to vamp up my bedroom like the adult I am and this entailed moving my laptop from the comfyness of my bed to the studiousness of my desk, then moving my little tv from the back of the desk up onto a little tiny coffee table that sits on my desk (which could be the source of the tapping) in the process of creating a desk situation where I can be a HD accepting student/manage a side-hustle business making and selling jewellery/continuing and finishing my fantasy novel/creating a plan to build my very first house/paint garden gnomes in a state of blissful peace.
Now. Problems with this cheapass set up:
* The table and tv are making irritating noises to which I have to tune out with Cheerful and Upbeat Music - Happy Background Music - Uplifting and Fun Instrumental Music courtesy of the Youtube. And it DOES lift me up. I started tapping my foot and laughing at my irritation and the absurd xylophone tones.
* The desk is just a LITTLE too high for me to reach the keyboard comfortably. And I mean, this desk was custom made by my dad when I was about 14, so I (that tune is getting real annoying, too, as it does not change- oh there it goes! This music is SO FUNNY OMG, thank you sweet Jesus) assume he thought I'd grow into it. Well, I think we all thought that at some point in time, and look where it got us.
* I stole the little coffee table from hard rubbish and I assume it was not designed to sit on a desk and hold up a tv.
Actually that is the only qualm I have. This music is so calming. I can literally feel my annoyance fade away into a sort of 'problems with this charming and perfectly-set-up desk? Not one! It's a dream, honestly, a dream!"
Ok, so this guitar bit is not that great. Hang on a moment while I change songs.... Ahhhh, yes, the ukelele. Dreams do come true. Although this tune isn't giving me great vibes either. I feel sort of empty in the home. As if I was painting my house in the early afternoon, occasionally looking over to my big white and black dog lying in the sun while the bees and butterflies floated around him (all my future dogs will be boys, of course) and oh thank CHRIST the playschoolesque flashbacks have stopped, now to be replaced with a faster ukelele tune.
Hold on while I change again.
OHHH YEAHHHHHH BOI
Pure Clean Positive Energy Vibration, Meditation Music, Healing Music, Relax Mind, Body and Soul.
If that doesn't do it I don't know what will. Although, now the tapping has come back into my sphere.
Nope.
OK HOLD UP. CELLO MUSIC. ANYONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING KNOWS THE CELLO BELONGS IN MY HEART AND SOUL. Fuck that does nothing to stop the tapping. Ok, back to happy and uplifting. Ooooh Jazz.
And up next: How Cerri fooled everyone into thinking she was doing a health challenge, but was really just testing music.
This Jazz is not Doing It for me.
Ok, here we go: Morning Music for Positive Energy, Light instrumental music for raising mood. Oh wow, it's got the flute! THE FLUTE! ANOTHER SOUL-SATISFYING WINNER. But also, the Organ?
Anyway, I'll stick with this one because while it doesn't entirely block out the tapping, it certainly entertains me with it's rapid change of instrument and volume. Even though the volume thing is annoying. I'm picturing early morning breakfast on a fancy white outdoor table, surrounded by rose bushes, feeling the crisp, chilly air of the early rising hour, checking the watch to see how long until all my elderly friends arrive, and hoping to GOD Charleyne doesn't bring her little sausage dog called Twinkle Toe.

ALRIGHT THEN!
Back to my challenge. Oh Lord now there's a horn like on Lord of the Rings. I CAN ONLY BE IN ONE FANTASY AT A TIME.

Healthy Rules
~ Ok, it got its sad violin on all up in my grill, so I changed it to Morning Motivation: energy, motivation, focus, Isochronic tones, and sculled two glasses of water to aid the beginnings of this headache.
~ Rule Number One. Fuck what? I have to exercise too??
Ok!

My Rules
~ No sugar, chocolates, chips, junk food, processed foods, takeaways such as Macdonalds or Pizza Hut etc, healthy takeout foods are ok such as sushi or burgers from a deli or healthy pizza.
~ Just like the no spend challenge I will record what I eat, when I eat, my motives, etc
~ I will weigh myself every week, which will be about as dull as watching grass grow because I can promise you my weight does not move at all.
~ Drink 8 glasses of water a day.
~ Pick and record an exercise. My exercise will be jogging around the block everyday - except today as it's almost 9pm and I haven't done a single energetic thing, amen.
~ Revel in my newfound gloriousness.

Aim of this challenge
To hopefully feel more energetic and curb snacking on crap.

Day 1
I turned off the music due to the increasing headache but I will find my peaceful, concentration-inducing, noise-cancelling, rock-out zen tune in no time.

Today I have eaten:
8 am - Breakfast 2 hard-boiled eggs and black coffee
glass of water
11 am - Snack 1 carrot
2 glasses of water
11.55 am - Yoghurt and white coffee no sugar
1.15 pm -  handful of cashews
3.06 pm - 2 peanut butter on toast, white coffee
5.54 pm - mini bag of lollies and chocolates that I made up for Halloween yesterday
7 pm - hamburger with the lot (egg, onion, bacon, sauce, lettuce) from a deli
7.40 pm - weak white coffee
two glasses of water

I weigh:
50.2 kilos

Exercise I have done:
None *Insert sly smirk here. (It's my first day off after five days on, four of them double shifts! I deserve to lie around in bed and read trashy but addictive novels)

Water I have consumed:
5

And to be real honest here, I feel quite nauseous. I think the burger was too big, or there were too many coffees consumed and not enough water, or the usual medication is just being a fuckwit. Oh! I could wear headphones! Yes I'll try that next time. As you can see, I consumed lollies. I fantasised about them all day because I just wanted to lie in bed with the curtains drawn, watch Supernatural while munching on chips, which is my usual downtime activity and it really does soothe the twisted, blackened, sliver of a piece of soul that I still currently have, what with selling some of it and losing some more god-knows-where. So when an unexpectedly sad situation occurred I thought 'Fuck it' and ate one of the snack Halloween bags, thinking 'I've got alllllllll of November to get this challenge on the straight and narrow'.  V__V

Note: I'm currently on Iron tablets for extreme iron deficiency from a health issue. Side effects of these that I am currently experiencing are: increased passing of the wind, green-black sloppy bowel motions, bloating, nausea and tummy upsets, tummy gurgling and queasiness, and occasional cramping/abdomen pain. Fun times! So sometimes I will be unsure if I am feeling off due to food or the meds and it will be outrageously spontaneous in all accounts.

The food situation:
Food in my freezer:
   4x frozen meals
   1x soup
   1x ice cream container of soup
   1x quarter packet of frozen vegetables
   1x slice of bacon
   2x pasta salads
   5x snack bags of frozen peas
   1x quarter of puff pastry
   2x fish

Food in my fridge:
   1x 3 quarters carton of milk
   1x half dozen eggs
   1x half a jar of jam I haven't touched for about two years
   1x quarter of apple cider vinegar
   1x little piece of cake peterbae gave me 💕💕 PETERBAE IS THE BEST OMG ALL THE SQUISH, but that I will give to my parents tomorrow. The chocolate, not Peter

Food in pantry:
   1x three quarters of jar of peanutshitbutter
   1x whole bag unopened of brown rice YES IT'S STILL THERE
   1x can of kippers (god knows what they are, but I guess I'll find out!) THESE WERE REALLY NICE ACTUALLY ^_^
   1x bottle half of olive oil
   1x can of gluten free pasta sauce
   1x gluten free pasta (my housemate is gf)
   1x  half a jar of forest berry jam
   2x cloves of garlic
   And, misc baking stuff such as: food colourings, sprinkles, gluten free flour, sugar, drinking chocolate, candy hearts etc.
   1x half pkt of weetbix
   1x quarter of Robert Timms coffee
   1x half a vial of ground cinnamon
   1x half vegemite jar
   1x three quarters beef stock powder gluten free
   1x jar of pickled veg that I will not eat nor know what to do with as it was a present from my mum and no one else wants it
   1x half jar or crystalised honey
   1x half a freddo frog chocolate block that I will give to my parents tomorrow
   1x pure green tea box
   1x ginger and apple tea box
   1x English Breakfast tea box

Food in basket:
   2x onions that have been there for about two weeks months
   1x orange

There was a time when I substituted cold hard coffee for the light airy english breakfast tea in hopes to aid my tummy upsets. The Girl has left work probably because she has completed her thingamajig and I find myself sort of in a phase of 'what could have been but most likely would not have been, oh if only people opened up and weren't afraid to chat'. I ate the Kippers and they were smelly edible creations that I am fond of yet not keen to constantly buy. 
October has sped by. All I think I did was work double shifts and read.

And forwards! Into tomorrow! Where I will do the double shift life, continue my desk up-grade, flush my system out with the garden of leafy green consumables, and enjoy downtime with The state of Grace by Catherine Donnelly. 

Tootleyhoooo!

--__^

Saturday, 28 October 2017

How do we measure worth?

Hello there!
Have you ever just felt like a piece of gum on the road? Like, or maybe, more accurately, a little mound of gluggy, bland, bitty, mash potato? Colourless, odourless, quite symmetrical but lacking in anything really worthwhile?
This is how I leapt out of the mash potato prison and made myself a cup of lemon drink.
Am I the only person to have searched the word 'leapt' on google and found themselves with an immense feeling of unexplainable revoltion at reading the words 'leapt and leaped'?

Ok.
Surging forwards, now that I have my hot lemon drink, away from this weirdness and into my sunny sun-room filled with draping potted plants and wooden chairs sporting white padded upholstry. There is a faded wooden floorboard because the sun shines on it for hours every day.
Faded, yes. Faded but peaceful. Worn yet beautiful. Broken and somehow shining.
We are fools to think that we will remain untouched by the world around us. I often wonder if I had been more careful with what I let in back then, maybe my soul would not be suffering so much now. Would I have turned out to still be innocently assuming, childishly hopeful, undoubtedly sure that the world was mostly a wonderfully magical place where wish-stars floated over chalked sidewalks among skyscraper buildings around eccentric strangers wearing red stockings ever eager to share their hot-dog? Or did I tune out too much, inflicting unintentional neglect in an attempt to calm the storm and keep it calm?
There are times when I feel terribly weakened by my experiences. Chipped and sanded, scratched and ripped, stripped entirely of outer protection, but who's to say that damage cannot be done even when clad in the most extensive amour known to man?
Slivers of reality can slide their way in unnoticed and turn out one of your lights.
So would you let it?
'What are The Slivers and how can I profit from them?'
'What is reality?'
'I used to have eleven light bulbs but now I only have four. Where are they going and how come the ones left are really small?'
These are the real questions.

What I'm trying to say is: for the eighteenth thousandth time my clock is calling '11.16pm! Why are you not in bed?' And I'm replying 'Clock, why are you ordering me around? Don't you do that enough already?'
And it just winks at me, as if we are both in the know of a really cool joke that only it knows, so I'm forced to nod with a small smile and a tilting back of the head, much like Dean Winchester does right before doing the What A Freak expression.

The point is: if you are not actively doing anything constructive with your day, is that day then classified as a waste? What if you were happy the entire day? Or, happy but kind of irked? Or, not really happy, not really irked, but somewhere in the middle of YOLO/I need to get something done because spending all day at work and then lounging in bed watching cleaning videos on youtube is not spontaneously orgasm-inducing at all.
And I mean the spontaneous orgasm you get when you're doing something really soul-satisfying, like painting a portrait or going on a motorbike trek across country with fifty others. Or, you know, actually having sex.

Basically, I started this post to say: I will be undertaking a Healthy Eating Challenge in four days- horray!- and here is a list of the rules.
However, all I can think about are miniature cupcakes with edible flowers on them, miniature ponies with rainbow manes and glittery hooves, and this one random blond girl serving in a hip cafe somewhere in the back of my dreams.
So!
Good luck with deciphering any of that!

I hope you keep your smile amidst the burdens.
I hope you learn to feel the pain without drowning it in alcohol.
I hope you reach high, take that little box down from the shelf, open it, and believe with the entire essence of your being. You are worth it.

💖

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Which way should it face?

Merril gestured in a wide sweeping motion with his arm, as if to say 'look at all my fancy, hand-crafted, painstakingly polished, newer-than-new gold buttons! Just look at them, if you will!'
Emerald frowned, his hand sliding around his coffee cup. "Merril, I've told you-"
"I'm too old, Emerald," Merril said dramatically, "My years have come and gone. And what do I do? I but put upon my white shirt and tan vest, and then over that! Why, I put on my tan sweater just so I can say to ladies in passing: 'I am wearing a sweater-vest, and I know how it's done'."
"Good heavens above!" Emerald muttered crossly. Surely one day could go past without Merril making some sort of soap opera about the littlest thing. Was that too much to ask?
Emerald often wondered how much right he had in asking favours from something he didn't quite take the time to ponder. But he also felt rather firmly about avoiding confrontation and all matters that did not sit well with him. As it was, he swept most of his life under the rug- metaphorically and actually- and this aided him in such times of woe that he had not stopped since starting the habit in 1942.
Once his divorce papers had been settled, he had taken out his dustpan and broom and swept it under that rug. He did this when his eldest son had come out gay, and his second son had announced that he had spent the last five years with a Biker gang known as Blood Thugs and would continue to do so from here on out. He swept when the price of bananas had gone up and when the dreadful meth-lab incident in the south had gone down. He swept when the barber cut his hair too short, when he found a hole in his favourite pants, when the share market crashed, and when his beloved poodle lost all her hair from stress.
When life blew up, he swept it under, and he was a much happier man for it.
But this Merril and his horribly careless ways... Emerald wasn't sure he could ever sweep the fact that Merril wore a hair-piece daily on purpose because it kept up with the fashion and needed no upkeep.
"Devilishly easy to maintain!" he would cry and tap his nose for whatever god-forsaken reason. It made Emerald want to weep!
"I say here! Look at this..." Merril said in a loud exclaim of surprise.
Emerald followed his enchanted gaze and found himself looking at an elderly woman sitting two tables over from them, her silver-haired head bowed as she wrote. Her crisp aqua jacket gave no indication of actual body size, but Emerald guessed from her hands and head that she was small, especially compared to the gigantic purple handbag sitting next to her chair leg.
"Must you shout?" Emerald grumbled. "Try being discreet."
"Emmers, I just MUST get her name and number, and possibly her favourite dish, you wouldn't know if pineapple is offensive to women do you?"
"Pineapple? What is this nonsense you insult my ears with?"
Merril gave Emerald a look of childish glee. "My friend! Have you never tasted hawiian pizza?"
"Of course I ha-"
"I'll save you a slice from our second dinner..."
Emerald said, "Second?"
Merril held up his fingers in the perfect symbol, with his index and thumb together, and said, "But of course, Emmer Lemmer, we must have smoked salmon on our first!"
"Smoked salmon!" Emerald spluttered.
This was all going too far.
"Now, play it cool, chum, for I am about to embark on a mission impossible." Merril chuckled at his joke as straightened his tie and Emerald did a double take. A tie!? A great big, dark green tie sitting among tan!? He rubbed his mouth and took a quick sip of coffee. In his mind, he swept.
He swept, and swept, and banged the side of the brush to get the last of the enigmatic minuscule bits off it, and then he swept some more.
As he swept, he relaxed.
"I don't suppose you carry a walking cane, old chum?" he asked casually.
Merril had risen from his booth and stopped halfway up looking confused. "A cane?"
"Mmm." Emerald sipped, feeling a growing sense of smug. He was sweeping and he was smug and that was all that mattered. He smiled.
"Do you think I should get one?" Merril asked. He looked alarmed, as if it was something he should have thought about before.
"A lot of tricky things to consider when going about the day, isn't there?" Emerald relaxed even further. He was almost giddy with ease.
"Don't be so damned calm in a situation as dire as this!" Merril cried. He brought his fist down on the table. Emerald smiled at the fist. The aqua woman glanced up then, and Emerald caught her gaze. She had very bright eyes. Merril noticed and quickly turned too, but she had regained her studiousness leaving Merril to sag just a little.
He turned back to the lounging Emerald. "Emmer, you and I are all we have in this technical age with all the boobops and the beebips, we need to band a union and fight back!"
"Oh we must," Emerald agreed lazily. "That is a fine word old chap."
"Indeed we must seize our vitality!" boomed Merril.
"Extremely!" enthused Emerald.
"Catch hold of tomorrow!" cried Merril.
"Forthwith!" cheered Emerald.
"Raise our frames into the air and say, we refuse our service aids!"
"Couldn't have said it better, dear friend. Let us sit and ponder." Emerald took a long swig of the last dregs of coffee, and when he put it down in a resigned manner he realised Merril had gone. He had transported himself over to the aqua woman. Emerald watched them laugh and gesture, nod and smile, write on little bits of paper and wave goodbye. He noticed Merril limping slightly as he returned, however the sparkle in his eyes took over, sweeping the limp right out of Emerald's mind so more important things could light up the priority window. How very considerate, he thought.
"I've gone and done it!" Merril swooned. He plonked himself down into the booth and gave an almighty groan. There was a creaking of bone. "Ooooh, my hip ain't what it used to be."
Emerald set a stern eye on his friend. "Is she, or isn't she, a pineapple swinger?"
Merril chuckled as he poured milk into his coffee. Then he looked up and winked at his oldest, most serious, and mighty fine specimen of a friend. "I've got a yoga appointment with her at three!"

.*.
 *

Monday, 2 October 2017

What is the mission statement, and how does it relate to the organisation's philosophy and daily practice?

The end of an era
Okaaaaaaaaaay! Hello there!
I'm going to throw some figures at you and if you are displeased at such throwing, it is all good, just look away and pretend it never happened. Kind of like what I've done with my month of no spending (hue hue hue).

So. I have once again shaken too much garlic granules into my mushroom soup and FUCK ME is it garlicky. Sorry for anyone who has the misfortune of being near me for the next day or so.

Aaaan moving on.
Here are The Figures...

List of the entire month's spending:
Day 1 - Petrol  30.00
                                                         
Day 2 - Father's day ingredients  17.38

Day 3 - 0                                           

Day 4 - Jatz  2.00
           woman things  5.20
                                                                     TOTAL: 7.20

Day 5 - coffee  8.00

Day 6 - woman things  2.40

Day 7 - 0

Day 8 - Petrol  30.00
            Ice cream  4.51
            2x chocolates  2.00
            bread  3.49
           hungry jacks onion rings and fries  2.00
                                                                            TOTAL: 12.00 + 30.00 petrol = 42.00
                                                              
Day 9 - 0 (?)

Day 10 - Eggs  1.99
               Cheese  4.00
               Yoghurt #1  3.29
               Yoghurt #2  3.50
               chips  2.85
                4 bananas  2.10
               blueberries  4.99
                Chocolate milkshake  3.98
                                                                             TOTAL: 26.70   

Day 11 - 0

Day 12 - 0

Day 13 - cheezles  1.49
               chicken chips  1.99
              bread  1.79
                                                                              TOTAL: 5.27

Day 14 - peanut butter  5.49
                butter  1.99
                                                                              TOTAL: 7.48

Day 15 - 0
                                                               
Day 16 - 0

Day 17 - Petrol  30.00
               packet of chips  2.00
                                                                             TOTAL: 32.00

Day 18 - 0

Day 19 - 0

Day 20 - Maccas meals x 2  15.90

Day 21 - Twisties  4,99
               rosemary chips  6.09
              giant freddo frog  1.59
              small yoghurt  3.29
                                                                             TOTAL: 15.96

[the HORRENDOUS prices I am seeing. That yoghurt above, just there? THREE DOLLARS TWENTY NINE? That was the smallest tub of yummiest goodness, but I can get a large tub about four times that size for the same price! Stop shopping at service stations Cerri!]

Day 22 - toilet paper  6.99
               3x bananas  1.03
                blueberries on special  2.99
               rye bread  3.49
               Yoghurt tub  6.39
                                                                              TOTAL: food 13.90 + toilet paper 6.99 = 20.89
                                                                
Day 23 - 0

Day 24 - 0                                               

Day 25 - 0

Day 26 - 0

Day 27 - Oats  1.20
               Cinnamon  2.46
               Twisties  1.99
               Car Rego  191.00
                                                                                  TOTAL: 5.65 + rego 191.00 = 196.65

Day 28 - Petrol  30.00
               ice cream  4.80
                                                                                  TOTAL: 34.80

Day 29 - phone credit  30.00
               housewarming present  7.00
              chicken chips  1.49
               kettle chips  2.99
               bbq grill chips  2.67
                lollies 1.50
                iced coffee  2.65
               freddo frog faces  4.15
              1 pear  60c
              1 mandarin  42c
               blueberries  2.99
              milk  1.50
               bread  1.99
               toothpaste  1.80
               block of chocolate  2.99
               brownie mix  4.69
                                                           TOTAL:  food 30.63 + credit 30.00 = 60.63
                                                                          + present 7.00 = 67.63     
                                                                          + toothpaste 1.80 = 69.43
                                                                             
                                                                   
Day 30 - packet chips  2.00
               lollies  2.20
              alcohol for housewarming party  26.99
                                                                                    TOTAL:  31.19

                                                                   

                                                                          ENTIRE MONTHLY FOOD TOTAL:  198.86
                                                                                             NON-FOOD EXPENSES:  16.39
                                                                                   ESSENTIAL EXPENSES PAID: 120.00
                                                                                                                  BILLS PAID: 191.00
                                                           OTHER NON-FOOD NON-EXPENSE ITEMS: 7.00
                                                                             
                                                                                               TOTAL MONEY SPENT:  533.25

Now that's pretty alarming considering that my food budget in total was only 12.90 and that equals to 12.90 x 4 weeks in this month = 51.60. I know I was confused for some reason and did my normal 'oh I have no idea what I'm doing in life, ahahaha ahahhhhh haaahhhhhhaaaaaaaa, watch me twirl!' spiel, but nonetheless!! 198.86 is a lot of money.

                                                                                        AMOUNT SPENT ON CHIPS: 30.55
                                                                            AMOUNT SPENT ON CHOCOLATE: 42.59

                                         AMOUNT SPENT ON ALL NON-NUTRITIONAL FOODS: 127.88

Which means out of that entire food total above 198.86 - 127.88 of crap = 70.98 and that would be mostly yoghurts, breads, and fruits.

@___@

*Insert crying face emoji here

I am also pretty certain that I consumed hardly ANY vegetables on this challenge. My poor gut. My poor tummy. I'M SORRY GUYS, I'M JUST A SUCKER FOR THE GOOD STUFF... =;C

Anywho! I really like seeing my life set out on the page like this. It feels so ordered and clean, and even though the results are TERRIFYINGLY ATROCIOUS, I can see what I'm doing wrong and there is a chance to fix it, even if I won't, because I know what to do and all of that adds up to make me surprisingly satisfied. ^_^

I really wanted to analyze these figures and make some super long post about all the intricate things, but I spent a literal ONE SOLID HOUR writing out those figures and then adding them up- the adding! the adding! why so much addingggggg!?- and I really want to watch more Supernatural so I'll leave it at that!

What a time it has been. I hope everyone has appreciated my honesty and hard work (ha! jk) and good luck with those who want to try it too! It's certainly something! What that something is, is yet to be revealed, but it is there and it is tangible. No it's not. Ok, bye!

💖

Friday, 29 September 2017

Did you really use bean curd again... or is there a glitch in the matrix?

Day 29 a continuation...
Dear lord.
Prices Cerri! The prices!

[I actually blocked my hideous spending spree from my mind because today I did use eftpos].

So yesterday I bought an ice cream with petrol and that came to 4.80. I am downright appalled at the amount charged to the public for a little ice cream on a stick.

But moving on, because I do not dwell on unfortunate past situations.

Today my shopping list looks like:
Phone credit for the month  30.00
House warming present for a friend  7.00
Kettle chips honey soy  2.99
Smiths crinkle cut chicken  1.49
Piranha saucy bbq grill chips  2.67
Nippy's iced coffee  2.67
Allens lollies party mix  1.50
Freddo faces  4.15
                                        TOTAL: 15.49
                                    Plus credit: 45.49

Actual grocery shopping done earlier in the day for the next week ahead:
1 pear  60c
1 mandarin  42c
1 kiwi fruit  69c
1 punnet of blueberries  2.99
2 litres of milk  1.50
Wholemeal bread  1.99
Macleans Toothpaste  1.80
Custard and cream bowl (for my housemate)  1.50
Block of chocolate on special  2.99
Gluten free brownie mix  on special  4.69
                                                                   TOTAL: 18.96

15.49 + 18.96 = 34.45 on food today that needs to last me until next thursday (in theory).
^_^

And that has been another update by Cerri Fae. Stay tuned for more outrageousness in tomorrow's special broadcast live, 'Has this really been a month of Cerri, or was there an imposter all along?' If so, who is this imposter? Are they directly related or from a completely different country? Are they, in fact, a multimillionaire and wish to wire across millions of dollars to help a sista out?
Find out all this and more on tomorrow's live special, showing at the new time 5.45 pm, right after the cricket.


*U___U*