One
I gave away almost all of my clothes in a fit of change, and now have no jumpers, only one over-sized ugly but warm coat, four black t-shirts and one brown t-shirt that are a tad too small, absolutely NO jeans, one fake-leather leggings that are so peeled and worn it's criminal and cannot be worn out in public unless I'm in one of my The-World-Can-Get-Fucked moods, two pairs of elastic work pants, a range of dresses that neither fit me nor inspire any confidence in me to actually wear, two pairs of shorts: one new and amazing, one old, small, and paint-stained, a bunch of skirts that are two sizes too small allowing my love-handles to spill over the sides in an unflattering way, and a bunch of out-dated work shirts that need to be ironed after washing, even though the iron never ever ever ever gets all the creases out.
Two
I entered my room this morning in a fit of I WILL CHANGE MY WHOLE ROOM BUT WITHOUT ACTUALLY MOVING ANY FURNITURE BECAUSE I PHYSICALLY AND LOGISTICALLY CAN'T, but then sat down and searched pinterest for over an hour and realised I desperately need to go vegan and eat gut-pleasing foods.
Three
Because of being poor, during the course of my short life I have hardly thrown out any of my accumulated possessions. It's recently become quite a burden in the sense that I am stuck in the past whenever I open a drawer or pull out a box. I need to fix this! But I have this clenched up vault door that creaks in alarm and protest whenever I decide to have a clean out. It says 'NO, you treacherous man-child! Keep all these items for ONE DAY you will surely need them, and then ON THAT DAY, you will curse the heavens and I will have to listen to your damn lamenting as if you had suddenly become a baby lamb. BLEAT NOT, HUMAN SLUG, JUST SETTLE AND GO ON WITH YOUR DAILY LAME.'
To which I will understandably reply: 'Um... what?' and also: 'Man child?'
Four
But I desperately need to update my wardrobe- or just buy ONE other pair of pants for the love of god- and I do need more of other things, like crystals, and incense, and fairy statues, and basically anything and everything from a magickal shop. When I have these things, I can then become the super woman that I have always dreamed of becoming where I don't lounge around all day eating bags of chips in my torn up fake leather pants and over-sized adult shirt for men, watching iZombie and Horror Houses in grim satisfaction, admiring my plant garden and birds pecking at the lawn at intervals, and generally running around in mad panic when I have to do anything seriously adult like grocery shopping or go to work.
Five
The mess of life is severely underrated. It can never be overrated, because life just shifts from serene cruise mode to sudden INSTANT DEATH mode, where the gear has been yanked into first, rain is suddenly pelting down from all sides, and the speed limit flashing at you from your water-stained windscreen is one hundred and TWO THOUSAND - one hundred and TWO THOUSAND - GET READY TO PARTAYYYYYYYYY.
In the worst way possible.
Which is fine if you plan for such a change. But if you're chowing down cheesy-McCheese-with-added-cheese chips and laughing at undead one-liners one minute, and then trying to find the lime juice in an overcrowded supermarket with 'under pressure' playing on the radio while blinking back tears of rage as people cut you off every ten seconds with their crammed shopping trolleys the next minute, with no in between.. well. You in mess.
Six
I am in love with migoreng noodles and sushi train, and these things sustain me throughout all.
Seven
What is progress if not those little googly-eyed dog stickers on fridge and cupboard doors? Instantly cleaning tissues? Eating all the food? A quarter-filled rubbish bin on pick up day? Continuously cleaning as per the implemented cleaning plan? Lights? Labels? A solid 'Hey, I know we're both parmesan cheese addicts, but I left you the last of the parmesan cheesy garlicky mushroom chicken from last night, even though I'm jonesing for it so bad, enjoy. I will record you eating so I can watch it later'.
It's deliciousness and honor in the highest form.
Eight
At some point in my life I would love to have all my papers sorted and aligned to a system.
Nine
This one time I had a cold sore and my grandmother told me to put honey over it to make it go away. So I did. And just like a love-struck man who is foolishly lured into the forest by a bewitching maiden fairy who is really just an ugly old man covered in a glamour spell who is really just a bewitching maiden fairy under a disguising spell gone wrong and a cover spell gone right, my cold sore bloomed out over my lip as menacing and mocking as ever until it burst off leaving a scar.
The moral is: just because it is sweet, doesn't mean it is good.
Ten
There was once a time where I wanted to choose tea over coffee. I ached for it, yearned to be able to make the switch, then sank into a pit of despair whenever I was lured back in to that sweet addictive aroma by my weak-willed ways. We do not talk about that time.
Amen.
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