Wednesday 13 March 2019

If you're not a zombie yet, are you even trying?

Lily hands me a wide-lipped jar containing a greenish liquid that splashes a little onto my fingers.
"Lily!" I wipe my hand on my jeans, wondering if she even noticed.
She darts halfway around the cauldron and glares dramatically at the bubbles popping and rising up to greet her face.
"And... what exactly is this greeny stuff?" I ask, wincing as my fingers start tingling.
"Greeny stuff!" Lily exclaims, looking up as a bubble pops near her chin. "Darma, this is a potion to find your dreams! Knock down the naysayers! Put an end to those who declare 'we command you conform in the sheeplest way possible'! This is-"
"Yes, yes, ok, sheesh." I'm not one hundred percent certain, but I'd bet my uncle Ferl's wooden rat memorabilia that Lily has been obsessed with cauldrons and potions since vanishing through a particular stone archway located in the town cemetery two years ago, and reappearing next to a water fountain on the other side of town two months and four days later.
Lily raises her arms theatrically and stares at me with the widest greenest, eyes ever to exist. "If done correctly, Darma, this can heal the dreamless, give shove to the apathetic- in a nice way, obviously- bring spark to the bored, and, even, allow whites and darks to be washed together!"
"Ohh," I nod. "Well I could do with that."
I could. Too many of my white lingerie had turned a pinky beige that clashed astoundingly (and unflatteringly) with my orange-red hair.
"Exactly!" Lily finishes in a triumphantly smug way. "You can be the first to try it!"
"What? Try it?" I look at the jar with waning interest. The liquid inside fills half the jar and is a chartreuse colour, thin and innocent-looking, calm, translucent, and yet somehow sinister.
"Oh I know!" I suddenly understand. "It looks like snot, that's why. It's the same colour."
Suddenly a voice speaks right next to my ear. "Darma, ok-"
I scream and drop the jar. It bounces on the carpet, the liquid splashes out over Lily's wooden bed-frame and purple sheet covers, then the jar rolls right under her desk.
Lily snatches it up like a lightning strike from a vexed and well-trained Zeus.
There's banging from downstairs. "You girls better not be making another potion in there!" Lily's mother's voice floats up.
Lily sighs. "We're doing homework!" she yells back.
"Does she have a super long bat down there or something? To hit the ceiling like that?"
"Listen, seriously, stop being so jumpy ok?" Lily says as she dips the jar back into the cauldron.
"There was still a bit left!" I exclaim, outraged at being presented with fresh potion.
"Just so you know, I am not a ninja, I just hate wearing shoes so no one ever hears me walk. It's not a super power, it's just practicality."
I let out a breath. "Lily, where did you go that day from the arch? Also, I have an avocado plant I need to change the water so I have to go home, I'll try your potion next-"
"Darma." Lily walks slowly over to me, making sure to press each foot heavily into the carpet, holding the potion in both hands and looking like an angry flowergirl at her enemy's wedding. "I have admired you since we met."
"Girls!" Lily's mother calls up again. "What did I say?"
"I'm just walking!" Lily yells.
"Can you possibly be more feminine about it?"
My head starts to ache. I watch as Lily walks right up to me. She holds the jar out. I remember when her hair was a golden brown and her face was round. She used to wear jeans, glittery jewellery, and had never even been inside a piercing store. Now she dresses in black, dyes her hair black, has twenty nine piercings and lost so much weight her cheeks collapsed into themselves and her hip bones press into my flesh whenever we hug.
"Really, where did you go?"
Lily smiles. "The jar holds all answers."
"Come on, I was your best friend. You can tell me."
Her smile widens. "The Jar."
I sigh loud and long. Then all of a sudden I hear a hissing sound. "Oh! That's not me!" I say automatically.
"SHIT!" Lily points past me.
I whirl around and see wafts of smoke rising up from the bed-frame.
We both gasp in unison. "But there's no fire?" I say, confounded and entranced in equal measure.
"Oh noooo," Lily moans, running to her desk. She flips papers over, muttering. I watch the smoke curling into elegant tendrils like mysterious orphaned acrobats, until she gives a mild scream of panic. "Darma, they're melting!"
"What?"
"EXCUSE ME LADIES!"
"What's melting?" I ask stupidly as the hissing grows louder, much like a swarm of peeved bees.
Lily's great-grandfather storms into the room, rather grand and rather rotund, carrying a gigantic purple fire extinguisher. He grabs hold of the nozzle, pulls the pin, and presses a button. There's a loud sound like a car horn. "Whoops!" he cackles, and pulls another pin, and presses another button. A stream of bubbles come out of the nozzle.
"You're pulling all the wrong pins!" Lily shouts.
"And most likely pressing all the wrong buttons!" I add, to feel useful.
Without any warning, the floor under Lily's bed gives way and crashes down onto the floor below.
"Christ almighty!" Lily's great-grandfather cries out.
"It's the broom!" Lily says, "I shouldn't have brought it into the house!"
"GIRLS!" Lily's mother's voice shoots up from the hole, now much clearer and angrier.
I turn to Lily, "You wanted me to drink that?"

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(^_@)v     ० * ০ ⁰ ੦ ۰೦

... but I'm still in the tub!

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