But where would I get one?

Today I woke up rather abruptly with thoughts of chocolate, coffee, and cats.
Coincidentally that is the name of my second novel. I know! How will I ever have the time to complete two novels by my 40th Birthday?
Well.
I'll actually have quite a few years to play around with it all, but still. Also, the novel title has the word 'coincidentally' in it instead of chocolate and it's just a really fun project to work on but I feel a foreboding sense of doom as well, because a thing cannot be too fun if it is to be taken seriously.

The other day I bought a can of corn and was, like, SUPER excited to use it in some pasta. Like, stop the clocks now, or just wind them forward to when it's pasta-eatn time, because I wanna chow on this delight stat.
It's like going to bed feeling really excited and content at waking up in the morning because coffee. Coffee is everything.
Sometimes I'm annoyed or scared to go to sleep because it's such a short amount of time that it seems wasteful. It seems to be over in a flash. And yet you're at your most vulnerable, so many things can happen, so many opportunities for disaster that it's almost the worst thing you can do.

So fast-forward a few weeks later when I was singing a tune of rainbows and adorable parakeets, just standing in the kitchen ready for some corn time, and what should happen? I put my finger in the ring-pull, peel off the ring-pull and need to then use a manual can-opener, only to discover that my corn kernels are INDEED, corn of the cream kind. I had inadvertently picked up Creamed Corn. Corn of the Cream. Creme a la Corn.
And I WEPT into my canned abomination.
Or did I?

Cream Corn is not a great product. The world could have done a better job handing out food varieties than creaming a vegetable that has no right to be creamed.
A fellow named Caspian who is always full of congestion is the only person who should be trusted with the job of farming, picking, canning, labeling, stacking, delivering, and even consuming this product.
"It's all I've ever known!" Caspian would say earnestly- a little too earnestly, if you ask me. The world does not need such earnest people. The world needs more deceivers, more unwilling participants, more people rising up to declare FUCK YOU AUTHORITY! WE DESIRE UNCANNED FOOD, FOR WE ARE UNCANNED PEOPLE.
Right they are.
Caspian would look shocked, and I would lean in close and mutter, 'Fellow, if there were ever such a time that an escape was to take place, now would be that time.'

And we would escape, me taking Caspian into the wide world of the City and Caspian showing me how to make a daisy chain that I have NO time for, but patiently sit through anyhow. He will no doubt show the classic signs of corn withdrawal, and I will be made to hand over my hard earned pennies so that his appetite can be sated, all the while eating an increasing number of red and orange foods. In the end, I will cut Caspian loose because the price of having him near has made me extremely adverse to any yellow food of any kind, including banana caramel pie and rainbow sprinkles. Not to mention the insane build up of mucus in my sinus region. I have never known anyone to need six boxes of tissues in the bedroom. EVER.


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0 __ 0     # more than corn