Wednesday 30 April 2014

Is this a One Way street?

Dinner had started four hours ago and they were still waiting for soup.
Brenda was peering at her purple nail polish, Roger had just started humming Amazing Grace, Christian was trying hard not to look like he was planning an escape out of the laundry window and Trevor was typing madly on an over-sized calculator.
"I saw Molly in my Choir class the other day," Roger said in a bored tone, and Trevor replied, "Really? Did she have that rotating angel clock with her?" without taking his eyes away from the numeric screen.
Brenda looked up,"What?"
Christian sighed, "At it again Brends?"
"You don't mean...?" Roger frowned at Christian, and Christian made a face as the smoke alarm went off.
"Fuck me!" shouted Brenda.
They all turned and stared at the kitchen where a large mass of grey smoke was billowing out of the oven.
"Oh, grand," said Christian and Trevor at the same time.
Roger half-rose off his pillow, but seemed to have second thoughts and sat down again."Should we do something?"
"Go into that mess?" Brenda asked with a nose-wrinkle, "After having done my hair?"
Trevor looked up at this point and said: "It does look lovely," in an admiration, then went back to calculating.
"Oh my god! Oh my god!"
Everyone at the low Japanese-style table watched as Tammy came running into the kitchen with an armful of eggplants. She dropped them all and launched herself at the oven, flinging open the door and disappearing as the gloomy, foggy smoke engulfed her tiny frame.
"I didn't want food anyway," Brenda remarked as she pulled a pair of large steel scissors out from under her cushion and started chopping away at her hair.
"Guys? Guys!" Tammy called from inside the smoke.
"Rewind back to the clock," Roger commanded Christian and Trevor shouted, "It just can't be!"
"Everything is burned!" Tammy called with a despairing sob.
Christian focused his eye on Brenda's hairdressing skills, ignoring Roger and all his questions, and said in a fake admiring voice, "What talent you have there."
Brenda smiled, "I rather have talent, have I not?"
Tammy emerged from the clouds of blackened chicken looking as though she had just spent time inside a boiling kettle. Steam seemed to be rising from her clothes and hair as tears rolled down her red cheeks.
"You look like a demon," Roger stated truthfully.
Tammy's lip trembled.
"Oh do man up!" Christian rose to his feet dramatically, and a bit awkwardly considering he'd been sitting on the floor for the past two hours and had a bad hip.
"Yeah," Brenda said to nothing in particular, so everyone in the room stopped and turned their attention on him, "I took it and gave it to-"
"I've done it!" the front door burst open and Amara strode in with a smirk.
"... not even sparkly..." continued Brenda, unaware.
Tammy brightened at Amara's intrusion, "You've stolen all of Stewie's strawberries!"
"What?" Amara frowned and paused mid-stride, "No. I've just finished the time-machine."
"What a magical occurrence!" Christian declared, "I can finally meet Aristotle."
"Although..." Amara tilted her head, lost in a sudden faraway thought, "...having that many strawberries in one place is preposterous..."
"Hold up!" Brenda slammed his scissors on the table, "You've made a time machine?"
"Of course he has!" Roger snapped, "Do you not pay attention when we talk through the toilet door?"
"Oh, are you talking to me when you do that?" Brenda asked, surprised and alarmed in equal measure, and Roger replied, "Well, who else would I be talking to?"
"There's that fern in the corner," Brenda looked around at everyone. "Is there not a fern in the corner called Marcluume?"
There was a moment of silence, in which Tammy wiped her eyes and Trevor muttered something about having too many sixes on the screen. Brenda said: "A time machine?"
Roger replied: "I actually spent a whole paycheck on that clock, and one of the angels has an arm missing," and Christian pulled out an armful of assorted hats, like those assorted licorice packs that no one eats, from under the table.
"I can make soup, you know," Tammy said quietly.
"Soup gives me the twitches," Brenda bowed his head apologetically.
"What?" Amara and Tammy said in unison.
Trevor put his calculator down and everyone gasped, except Amara who had never met Trevor until that very day so didn't understand the significance of such an act. "I'll have Pea and Ham, thanks."
Tammy looked at Roger, and they both looked at Brenda, who said with a shrug, "It's something in the U."
"He talks to plants," Roger said to Tammy with a knowing look in his eye. Tammy nodded and took a step towards the exit.
Amara sighed loudly and obnoxiously, "Have I not just announced that I have made something no one else has ever dared to make?"
"Look at all these eggplants!" Trevor gestured at the little round vegetables splayed across the floor, as if he had just discovered mountains of gold. "You could surely make soup with eggplant."
"Does anyone know if Aristotle had strong opinions for a particular colour?" Christian asked seriously and with a hint of desperation.
Amara regarded Trevor with interest. "You like eggplants?"
"My battery died and Tammy used the last pair for her hair-curling wand." Trevor pushed his thick black glasses up his nose as Tammy said: "curling wand?", and Roger interrupted abruptly: "Yes! Tammy's fondness for hair-curling! Now, where's this machine?"
Amara grinned and bounced on her feet, "Let's go!"
"Hey!" Brenda called as Amara disappeared out the front door, "We're not going to that bloody pond again are we?!"

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