What do you have left when it goes?

This one time, fireworks went off and I thought the world was ending.
So I grabbed my lightsaber and ran to the door. I was ready.
But when I yanked it open and glared around defiantly, all I saw was a watermelon sitting on the front door step, as if it had been waiting to take me on a date.
"I'm actually preparing for war," I said, failing to hide my irritation.
It didn't reply and I looked out into the night for the source of all this. Some type of distraction.
"You know, you're kind of early for the star wars."
I glanced down, fairly unsure of what I was hearing, and saw two enormous eyes staring up at me.
"How did you get eyes?" I demanded. "What's the deal with this?"
"I could tell you how early," the watermelon bounced once in what I assumed was excitement, as it was a very enthusiastic bounce. "Shall I?"
"No!" I said angrily.
"But I've been calculating this whole time."
I gave it a look of disgust that masked my disappointment and turned back to my surroundings. Is there no fireworks?
"You look sad," said the watermelon, and I was a bit disturbed to hear sympathy in its voice.
"You look sunburned."
"Really? But I use the cream especially!"
And I looked down once more, and can't describe the absurdity of seeing the watermelon actually turn to the wall as if searching for its reflection. I sighed. Is this the life of a warrior?
Reassuring fruit that they don't have sunburn while trying not to reveal lies in your insults? My head started to hurt at it all, and it was very clear that there were no fireworks.
The watermelon was now muttering to itself about 'Benny' and 'good deals'.
"Ok! You don't have sunburn!" I yelled.
The watermelon turned to me in a great flourish and said: "Of course I don't! I'm a watermelon!" Then flashed a brilliant smile and bounced past me into the house.
[o]_[o]
This one time, I thought fireworks meant war. Now I know that they mean watermelon.

...play me a song to set me free...

Are you going to finish that hotdog?

THINGS IN LIFE

So yesterday I tried to make this:

and it went well, except that I hadn't had enough bourbon to give me patience with the UNTANGLING OF THE WOOL BECAUSE WOOL HATES ME AND LAUGHS AT MY HALF-FINISHED LASER GAME...
and I got wool burn, which has probably happened to no one, ever, so I left it there: half a trap for anyone who dares intrude.
Took photographic evidence of the slugs, and now life makes sense.
~Bliss.
I think they're branching out as I found some meandering around at ten in the evening, and I must say, these slugs are right on.

THIS WEEK IN THINGS:

+ Served cappuccinos with chocolate powdered smiley faces.

+ Studied my drooping tyre and thought hard about pumping it up/ getting it fixed/ buying a new one, but went inside and continued painting.

+ Decided to go out and buy the essentials: underwear, towels and socks. Came home with a pile of clothes. Feel somewhat as if I have achieved something, although on reflection it's probably just hunger.

+ Went grocery shopping and bought six kinds of tea, four of which I have never heard of, can't pronounce and will probably never drink.

+ REALISED THAT ALL MY ENTRIES ARE ABOUT SLUGS AND FOOD, AND SOMEONE SOMEWHERE MAY BE WAITING EXPECTANTLY FOR THE DAY I POST SADLY ABOUT ACTUALLY EATING ONE OF THE SLUGS BY ACCIDENT, SO HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE...

Things you probably know about me because I talk about them all the time:
+ Hearing people speak in different languages calms me down
+ I like cactuses
+ Walking barefoot feels more comfortable to me than wearing shoes
+ My old mobile had the time set to Russian, so I had to always subtract a set amount of hours
+ I like statistics and data and algebra
+ My favourite food is Nachos
+ I used to talk to the moon
+ Boredom made me draw glitter wings on the back of my high school shirt and spend the rest of the year wearing a jumper to cover it up
+ I hate hearing people grind their teeth, and steel rubbing against steel makes my teeth sting
+ I paint faces on forks
+ I have never found a pair of shoes that fit
+ One day I'd like to own a brilliantly painted caravan
+ My favourite country is Britain
+ I have vague plans about living in Marrakech
+ I would do anything for anyone who talks with a Manchester accent
+ Shameless is my favourite TV show

This one time, I thought about having a second cup of coffee. And my brain was all, do it man, but my stomach was all, fuck off, and my brain scoffed at the silliness of my stomach, which made my stomach retaliate in unmentionable ways until my brain was like, dude, the force will always be with you, and this somehow sat well with everything involved.
For the life of me I can't understand what goes on when I'm not paying attention.

U__U"

Is there a break in your step?

Nothing is more real than this,
the realest of what I must resist,
and on countless times I did insist:
"Of course it's nothing, is what this is."

But days turn to weeks and smiles turn to glances,
and reality plays host at giving out missed chances,
and I'd love to have more time, more meaning,
more signs to prove that I'm not dreaming.

Of course you're dreaming, don't you know?
It's never how the stories go,
just sit and watch the moments fly,
like the stab of a wand in your magical eye.

It's all very now.
+

Is there a method, or am I just mad?

Three days off and I feel like a new woman.
Or do I?
Every time I look into the mirror I expect to find someone completely different staring back at me. And when I don't, I give a gasp of surprise and stare harder, creep closer, frown deeper, and try to remember if this was how I looked before or if I have indeed changed without realising. For, if I can't remember how I was previous, how can I say this isn't a new look at present?
It's very mindboggling, and after two hours of staring and puzzling, I give up and pester various people about PS2 and PS3 and Portal, because whoever I am, I still want these things.
I WANT THESE ALIEN/ROBOT BEINGS!
(@_@)v 
Peace.
These are the faeries I declared I would draw every month:

~March

~April

~May

~June

~July

 

 

They're rough and some of them aren't faeries, and problems arise when the picture in my head of the little person I want to draw clashes violently with my pencil that seems to have a mind of its own.

CALM DOWN GUYS! Pencils, pens and all other art supplies should just do what my brain tells them to, and in a perfect world they would all be on telepathic command.

In a perfect world everything would be on telepathic command. And I would be a boy. Because sword fights are just not on if you wear heels, amirite?

It's probably day 285210 since I saw that spider behind my cupboard (hopefully it's dead and rotting and giving off an odour not unlike Morse Code to all it's creepy comrades that I am one tough spider killer [but they're probably sitting in cracks on the ceiling and laughing at my feeble attempts at destruction and swapping gum in various flavours of Fly]. There should really be a class at school dedicated to this, and no one would ever show).

No sightings of slugs for about a week because I've been getting up quite late as I enjoy the luxury of sleeping in until the sun slaps me in the face, which isn't really late, but I'll take it because I have been known to take things when offered, especially in the morning.

[Kinky] ^_0

In another universe, I'm the type of person who squishes their hands in a whole mixing pot of pudding, and hops about the wet grass because I can't be bothered putting shoes on, and makes twister on a sheet for bedtime fun, and compliments an elderly lady on her 'pirate-ship' stairs out the back of her house, and believes fully that the Zombie Game should become a staple activity in every household.

Oh... sorry... that's me now.

 

...but if you're bored then you're boring

Is it too late for cocoa?

"Why are you always walking?"
"Hmm?" I look up from my book and see my pet Dragon staring intently at me for no reason.
"In everything you do, you're always walking away from your house into an adventure. Every time."
I frown at him, "You're talking nonsense. Go back to killing mice or stirring large pots of gluttonous liquid, or whatever it is that you do..."
And that's how it went.
I was unceremoniously interrupted and then accused of undertaking silly fancies. I'm just not sure any more.
More to the present: this one time, I got food poisoning. And it was a horrible, grotesque time in my life where everything was how it shouldn't be. I felt like a house made of matchsticks, and every so often in the day, one match would just fall from the Miraculous Matchstick House that was me. I would think to myself, that took a lot of time and effort, placing that match there, in that exact spot, and now it's gone, and I had a suspicion that the matches were planning this event for some time.
IS THIS HOW IT IS?
WELL, I'LL BUILD MY OWN MATCHSTICK HOUSE, OUT OF THE TOP END QUALITY STUFF AND IT WILL BE LARGE AND FEROCIOUS AND VERY POINTY AT THE ROOF END! VERY POINTY INDEED!
~I think I showed them who's boss.
"I must make the recommendation that you go on meds, straight away."
And there's that Dragon, banging on about assumptions and pharmaceutical therapy. I remember when he was just an egg, inside the egg, and I remember when the egg cracked open and I stared on in amazement as this little scaly head lifted itself out in a dreamy state, eyes half closed and smoke drifting up in tiny rings.
-_- >dreamtime
No need to say that I recovered from the vicious attack on my wellbeing and I surfaced into the world again, slightly dazed that things still continued. Do things really continue on without me?
It is a rather odd notion. It's like a toilet with no toilet paper, or a saucepan without any yummy pasta mixture, or a car without a cup holder for coffee. It's not done.
BUT IT MUST CONTINUE. And I will meander on in my reign of virtuosity, because the world must know.
Because that's how it's done.

...

I saw the stars fall down on you,
and asked you: 'did that hurt?'
you glared right back and scoffed at me,
'You're such a silly skirt'.

'You think I'm just a silly girl,'
I said and gave a courtesy,
'But at least I'm not the one who had,
the stars fall down on me!'
+

Does there have to be an end?

In other news, I washed the dishes with hardly any suds. I was surprised, and thus kept turning the tap on and off so the jet would stream into the little pool of detergent at the bottom of the sink and make the bubbles.
I'm starting to think that this detergent has attitude.
I was all, 'I want meat. Where do I have meat?' and I actually opened the freezer as if I had just gone out shopping and purchased some delicious meat variety. I must say, me and food just aren't good together.
IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU. (I think all meat everywhere just heard me think this inside my head, and all manners of cows, chickens, pigs and etc will come and stand around my house as if they've all accepted a jousting challenge.
You'll have to ride me to work today, one cow will say sensibly, as I close the front door behind me and realise I'm trapped on the front step by ample and ample of earthy animals, all staring at me in a bored way.
'But I have a car!' I'll say, gesturing wildly in annoyance at my lovely automobile minding it's own business.
Cars! a chicken will cluck impatiently, they're good for nothing! One drove over my Aunt Mildred!
'Oh,' I'll stare in shock, 'I'm sorry.'
What are you sorry for? She's over there!
And I'll turn to the right and see a little shrivelled chicken sitting on the ground next to the step, one leg stuck out comfortably in front of her and a short stump where the other leg should be sticking straight up in the air.
Gets the lads, she'll squawk, and then continue her knitting. The Niece will look down on her in mild distaste. I'll check my watch and jump at my own lateness. 'FINE, just remember! I ate a five pound pudding last night so I shan't be light!')
Upon thinking about it, maybe I should insult meat out-loud. I've always wanted a cow.

THINGS I DID TODAY:

+ Spent the whole day thinking it was the 10th, and people at work agreed with me, so I wonder who this nicely-wrapped package of memory loss really belongs to?

+ Cooked rice with double garlic, onion and tuna, because I really did want meat.

+ Sunned my toes outside the front of my house and saw a little man amble past, holding a book that he was reading. Every so often he turned a bit more towards me, until he had almost gone past and was almost turned completely to face me, but then he seemed to think better of it and straightened himself and continued on. Either that, or he saw me from his excellent peripheral vision. I'm not sure whether to be alarmed or envious.

+ Watched the cat walk on my car and squish herself through the gap between my car door and the windowpane.

+ Felt like a drug dealer

+ Made 'the switch' with a gnome and entertained a sense of loss that I would be returning home without a gnome in my handbag. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW PEOPLE LIVE WITHOUT GNOMES IN THEIR HANDBAGS. WHAT WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN?!

~And I hope you think of me every once in a while...

What is there to be afraid of in such an ordinary world?

No, I didn't see any slugs this morning, and it saddens me.
FACTS OF LIFE.
We have a random slug invasion, every morning around four or five I go into the kitchen and find at least two ambling around the stove area. I love these slugs, even though they may be different ones every time, even though they vary in size, even though they ooze around the place and the ooze is rather glittery so it's ok, and even though it's not normal to find slugs in a house, it's still a wonderful whimsical event that I have grown used to.
I miss them at times. I miss the faery-ish and magickal and summery vibe around them.
So that's me. ... Moving on!
>_<
I have completed all the practical and theory of my Hospitality course and feel relieved that it's mostly over and I can go back to only using my brain at various times of the year, instead of every day. Now all that's left is for me to ace my placement.
There were times when I felt like I was sinking in quicksand, and I thought, 'where are my goggles for such times? Where is my reading material? This could take hours, days, maybe months. I need at least one Sudoku'. Sadly I realise I'm not equipped enough to handle sinkholes. Fortunately I hear they're hard to come by.
There were times when I wondered what I was doing. Why was I doing everything at once? Having just acquired a second job at the same time as full time study, I wondered why I didn't quit.
But it went on! With or without me being conscious! And I ambled through the days of working and studying and changing outfits and shoes, and packing enormous amounts of sandwiches (because, you know, I have a thing for mass sandwiches of the plain variety) and gradually it all got done.

Book I am reading at the moment:

Get on it.