Does there have to be an end?

In other news, I washed the dishes with hardly any suds. I was surprised, and thus kept turning the tap on and off so the jet would stream into the little pool of detergent at the bottom of the sink and make the bubbles.
I'm starting to think that this detergent has attitude.
I was all, 'I want meat. Where do I have meat?' and I actually opened the freezer as if I had just gone out shopping and purchased some delicious meat variety. I must say, me and food just aren't good together.
IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU. (I think all meat everywhere just heard me think this inside my head, and all manners of cows, chickens, pigs and etc will come and stand around my house as if they've all accepted a jousting challenge.
You'll have to ride me to work today, one cow will say sensibly, as I close the front door behind me and realise I'm trapped on the front step by ample and ample of earthy animals, all staring at me in a bored way.
'But I have a car!' I'll say, gesturing wildly in annoyance at my lovely automobile minding it's own business.
Cars! a chicken will cluck impatiently, they're good for nothing! One drove over my Aunt Mildred!
'Oh,' I'll stare in shock, 'I'm sorry.'
What are you sorry for? She's over there!
And I'll turn to the right and see a little shrivelled chicken sitting on the ground next to the step, one leg stuck out comfortably in front of her and a short stump where the other leg should be sticking straight up in the air.
Gets the lads, she'll squawk, and then continue her knitting. The Niece will look down on her in mild distaste. I'll check my watch and jump at my own lateness. 'FINE, just remember! I ate a five pound pudding last night so I shan't be light!')
Upon thinking about it, maybe I should insult meat out-loud. I've always wanted a cow.

THINGS I DID TODAY:

+ Spent the whole day thinking it was the 10th, and people at work agreed with me, so I wonder who this nicely-wrapped package of memory loss really belongs to?

+ Cooked rice with double garlic, onion and tuna, because I really did want meat.

+ Sunned my toes outside the front of my house and saw a little man amble past, holding a book that he was reading. Every so often he turned a bit more towards me, until he had almost gone past and was almost turned completely to face me, but then he seemed to think better of it and straightened himself and continued on. Either that, or he saw me from his excellent peripheral vision. I'm not sure whether to be alarmed or envious.

+ Watched the cat walk on my car and squish herself through the gap between my car door and the windowpane.

+ Felt like a drug dealer

+ Made 'the switch' with a gnome and entertained a sense of loss that I would be returning home without a gnome in my handbag. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW PEOPLE LIVE WITHOUT GNOMES IN THEIR HANDBAGS. WHAT WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN?!

~And I hope you think of me every once in a while...