~MONTH IN REFLECTION~
January has actually been quite unsettling in a number of ways, all of which are irrelevant and impossibly boring, so I will forget them!
Hurrah!
But also- you know what, January has been unsettling as crap. And it's all those little bits that roll into a massive ball, and then the ball rolls down the street behind you while you're trying to zen out on your ipod with your twenty dollar kmart runners on and your tight-as-fuck leggings clinging to your (immaculately) sweaty legs like that Lycra stuff- making you self conscious As Fuck- and just rolls and rolls and rolls, each step collecting a wayward spider, a wrinkly leaf, a ducktonne of dust, two hours of your time, every good thought you ever had in the space of forty four minutes, important legal papers, pieces of your outward projection of your inner self (which is not pretty, I can tell you), liquids that you were just about to consume, the very sleep cycle you rely on. And! If that weren't enough, It also rolls YOU into the ball as well (GROSS) (but plausible, and would be highly likely to feature in a documentary about my life), flinging you every-witch-way until your brain seems to be dripping out of your nose, or is that just snot? WHO KNOWS?! And there is this sequence of events that happen in this order every time: 1. Oh! That's what I have to do... 2. DUCK IT, what the MUCKSUCK is this doing here? 3. Damn it to hell, now I have to carry out this freakin task... 4. Well, I've done about as much as an older, wiser, prettier version of myself can nowadays handle, might as well check the ol interwebs for the relax I deserve... 5. ... aaaaaaand that's a whole five hours of my day and life I'll never get back.
Rinse.
Caffeinate.
Repeat.
It is a mess. But you know, every day it is getting sorted. The sludge is clearing, the debris sweeping, the age-old nonsense of keeping every single thing because maybe has somehow melted away, and order is restoring itself in that nice, neat way that order is associated with.
Holy FUCK I am dying for a coffee.
What the frick frack.
You know how you sometimes suddenly crave some taste really strong, as if the taste punched you in the buds? Well I have it. And it is coffee, which I shall not have because it's almost ten pm.
Dammit to fuck I want the coffee hella bad. So bad I believe I just experienced a sadness cramp because of.
My grateful list henceforth!
1. Myself. The end. Go home. Goodnight. ^____^
I am grateful for myself, I'm hardcore as all shit. I completed the one and only goal I ever had, which was buy a house. I have that little 'good for you!' voice inside my head. And you guys can have it, too! ALL I DID to achieve my goal was work out the exact steps I needed to take to get me there and then I took them. I broke off chunks and worked with that, one at a time.
~In relation to saving for a house, I saved 60-80% of my paycheck- as I was living with my parents- until I moved out, where I scrimped and saved and rarely bought clothes, went out for drinks on the town, spent money on trinkets, holidays, entertainment or other things. I still have a pair of track pants with holes the size of an egg on both buttocks because I used them that much, I wore my shoes until they physically were unable to be worn anymore- I even duct-taped my favourite pair of red slippers together and I still have them- and I accepted clothes from friends if they were throwing them out, consequently never really developing my own style.
I bought one or two finance books and borrowed the rest from the library, read the exact requirements for buying property in my country, fainted at the actual cost of things, downed a strong motha of a coffee, and worked with it. Calculated figures and etc, planned time-frames, and even though it all looked very hard, very time-consuming, and entirely unrealistic on my part-time low income wage, I just started and I kept at it.
~~The secret to all things is just keeping at it. Performing the right habits daily create successful people, and that's really all I did.
Sacrificed, saved, and kept visualising my goal. I cut out a picture of a house from a magazine, wrote 'I will get it', and stuck it in my wallet. It's really faded now, but I still have it.
~~~ The ONE thing that kept me on track was my burning desire to do it. Nothing will help you as much as the WILL to WANT to. And the fact that the house we were in was shitasfuck, with mould everywhere, framework falling apart, plumbing breaking down all the time, one room leaking buckets of water EVERY winter. So I had motivation, a burning desire, and determination to succeed. One of the main things I read about in that 'The Secret' book is not doubting your wish will happen. I had absolutely no doubt, as weird as it sounds, because I was doing everything on my end to make it happen. People go 'yeah right as if' and they tackle something without that absolution, therefore they only put maybe 50-79% of themselves in it, and it either doesn't work or it comes out dodgy.
DO NOT DO THE DODGY WAY. IT JUST SUCKS.
Amen.
Live it guys, you will all do amazing.
2. The people in my life. I love ALL OF YOU GUYS. Not the strangers, like if anyone really is reading this little ol bloggeroo, well thank you, and hope you find it somewhat decipherable, but not you guys because we haven't even met. Give it time.
I'm talking about my good friends and the people I know. There are many a peeps who have entered my life, and just kept walking, to exit at the side, and I tip my hat with a farewell and a 'how did that stain get there?' kind of expression (my hats aint what they used to be). It has been an almost flirtingly brief encounter and may we have the pleasure again.
But then there are the people who really come into your life and they punch your arm, or give you food, or make you laugh, mop your floor, tell you a secret, fix a lamp, do The Sex. And those people are the truest.
Bless all of you. In that non-christian-and-even-non-religious-of-any-way-because-CHRIST-this-will-most-definitely-probably-offend-at-least-one-person-reading. I just feel very honoured and blessed to be in everyone's lives HOLY CRAP IS THAT A GIANT WALKING- no it's just my housemate. I guess I'm not used to the sound of walking. OK THEN.
3. MY PETERBAE. CAPITALS. ALL THE WAY. Bro, how would I be. Not to mention that the fun times are very fun indeed.
Winkle.
I'm very thankful I never dated a fuckboy. That's for certain. Those are the worst. Let me tell you a thing: girls and women like the idea of a fuckboy, who is basically a dick to people, maybe a real badass, rides a motorcyle, wears leather, has a chain, lets his nails grow long, says 'I gotta gets me a milkshake', leans on walls instead of standing, and walks in a strut.
I say: exactly how hard is it to stand up on your own? Has your back malfunctioned? Do you need help? Maybe a masseuse??
What women and girls actually want in the realest is a badass fuckboy who is badass to the world, but treats them like a Queen. Ask them questions about their dress, bring flowers when you meet, comb your hair, smile at passing cows, always carry a Kleenex and some breath mints, never take your shoes off or put them on in her presence.
Demand to carry her over puddles, and perhaps even lug around a 10 meter royal blue mat to roll out whenever there is a chance of getting her shoes dirty. These are the things women want.
OR MAYBE THEY WOULN'T.
I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW.
~ All I'm saying is, I'm not the swooning type, but I have swooned, swooning is happening, there is a general airy feel about my person of some such swooning and I am ok with that because some people are worth swooning over.
Like hazlenut praline chocolate.
Well! I started off this blog with intent to write a list of things I am grateful for, for some UNKNOWN reason, because I was in a really grateful gushy mood, but now I'm tired like a sloth on NyQuil so I will wrap this up by saying that I am doing REALLY WELL with my no junk food eating this month. I've only purchased three junk food items and am sticking hard and fast to the 'eat the sweet if you didn't pay for it'. It's working out a treat. HUEHUEHUE.
Yes.
Ok.
~Tootleoo
____
/__\
v[^__$]v
Tuesday, 30 January 2018
Tuesday, 23 January 2018
Who was the girl with the dragon tattoo?
Hi, my name is Cerri, and I'm a robot.
.*.
Remember that time when I truly believed I could kick my junk food habit?
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA
HAAA HAAA HA
Ok, but fo reals.
(~Thinks back to long ago [yesterday] when one whimsically indulges [it was planned] in a tiny apple roll [it was large, it was a turnover, it was filled to the brim and over with cream] and sighs in contemplated heavenly bliss [it was a burp, it was the most sinful thing around, there was no bliss, only monstrous regret])
And because of this, I have a newfound burst of energy that I will use to tackle these old and dusty goals I made almost two years ago! ^_^ ** ^_^ High five, me! Way to go! ..[It's actually a sugar high, and crashing down will happen sometime in abouuuuuut four minutes]
------------------------------------------------------------------
THE LIST
# Run everyday- whether a light jog, full on pelt because the fear of numb toes propels you forwards into a hyperventilating frenzy, or just a casual walk in some fancy attire to attract the male gaze. Just exercise it and do it outside where the wind blows and the sun shines and the energy is nigh. (And avoid the 'attracting of the male gaze' on account of that you are currently taken. ... Yes. Remember this. (Although, if the male gaze really is attracted to my sweaty uncoordinated leg movements, undignified flapping of track pants, rhythmic ponytail swinging into face and annoyed grapple of Ipod to change song because I'm too lazy to update workout playlist, well! Who am I to refuse?!))
~~This happened! And then promptly stopped, so I will need to come up with some plan to get back into the swing, and then actually Get Back Into The Swing.
# Do ten push ups and ten sit ups everyday. Record this if you feel necessary and post on instagram or facebook. But mostly instagram. Actually avoid facebook. You know too many people on there. Actually, avoid posting it anywhere at all. Evidence of this atrocity does not need to exist.
~~ Jesus Christ this NEVER happened!! LMAO. YOLO. CHIPSFORLIFE #NEEDMAHSALTZ
# Drink two bottles of water a day. This is hard! The urge to pee is uncomfortable and at times inappropriate, but the water still has to be consumed to get all that brain matter working! The vibes must be happy and moist!
~Yes. In all seriousness, you feel 100 per cent ready to take on the world when you're hydrated. Consistently hydrated. None of this: two bottles in five hours then two days of nothing but coffee and wine nonsense. Or in my case: two hours of three glasses of water and then two days of five coffees each. THIS MUST END. HYDRATION WILL COMMENCE.
~~ You literally DO feel 100%. Past me rocks! So wise! Amazing hair! All the thin! (I'm becoming quite the chub these days, and I do not approve) I believe there was a time last year where I felt faint 83.24 per cent of the time because of 'who needs that much water? SCOFF!' And it really sucked. So, apparently I was that person.
This past week actually (in the ol January of 2018) (I forgot the blog posts have dates on them LOL) I have found the healing properties of cold water. I haven't tasted cold water, except in bottles bought from the store, since five years ago, and it has to end. ALSO, buying water has to end. Why buy water? When it comes free, clean, and delicious from a tap?? COME ON GIRLFRIEND.
# Eat more fruit and vegetables and avoid preservatives. This is the hardest thing to do ever when it comes to health. I'm sure. When shopping previously for only healthy, natural foods, I came home with fruit, vegetables, frozen vegetables, oats, eggs, nuts and bread. A day later I was like 'TWISTIES! MY LOVE! WHERE FORT ART THOU???' and I raced down to pick up my love, along with a tub of ice cream and some yoghurt, as well as some rice crackers and a dip of choice, some muesli bars, frozen quiche, a container of fruit juice and some peanut butter.
Eat 80/20. That's all I will say. And let the 20 be once a week. For myself, I'd like to go back to the old days when my grandparents were alive and try to eat like them because the people in the movies and posters back (even though in movies and posters) had different body shapes compared with us today. I feel as though they had more respect for food and belongings as well.
~I'd like to make a shopping list, stick to it every week, get the financials in order, and make the whole shopping experience a routine down pat.
~~ Bros, we ALL know this did not happen. Not in the slightest. I bought muesli bars? Shit me.
# Finish watching tv shows. These include, Gilmore Girls, Supernatural and Grey's Anatomy. Gilmore Girls will be easy because I'm halfway through season six and there are only seven seasons. Grey's Anatomy I'm only up to season four and there are twelve seasons! Supernatural I'm at season one. So. Yes.
Do that.
~~ THIS HAPPENED. HOLY FUCK. SO!! I have literally finished Gilmore Girls and watched the whole 'A Year in the Life' which shit me off to no end because Rory was a dickwipe who had sex with Logan even though HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND. Can I say it again, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE YOUTH TODAY. If I ever found out my son had done that I would SLAP HIS BITCH FACE. I'm pretty sure he never told his gf, because they were always sneakily sluttin around, although maybe I'm mistaken, but I remember feeling revolted and annoyed that this lovely Rory who I had admired was now this whore who messed her whole life up, so I'm assuming that I felt that way because of their secrecy. Total respect for consensual open relationships. Peace to you.
And! I have struggled my way through season two of Supernatural, which was ok from memory, and then pushed ever-faithfully on through season three, which gave me nightmares but I persevered, and then bounced happily into season four! I think it's because Castiel finally came in, so I had actual eye candy, like PHWOAR, you can rock a trench coat you amazing weirdo, get in my pants.
However, Grey's Anatomy became really depressing and a lot of the main characters died or were involved in misfortune. I got up to season 5 and thought, ummmm, nahhhh. But I would like to go back and watch it in an intermittent fashion.
So that was fun!
Nowadays, I have Netflix, (THANKS BAE! 💖) and I have religiously watched Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on repeat, up to current ep of The Good Place, and am just getting into Arrested Development.
Other series I want to watch include: The End of the fucking world, Black Mirror, Don't trust the B in apartment 23, The IT crowd, Stranger Things, Schitt$ Creek, the US The Office, Extras, Gypsy, Peaky Blinders, Bates Motel, Getting On, Sense8, Dance Academy, East Siders, and Call the midwife... just to name a few.
# Continue with my children's book. Now when I say continue, I mean sort out a story board for each page, work out illustrations, size, take to editor/publisher, etc, and get the whole ball rolling. Become famous! Take over the world, somehow, with books for children! Wear a tiara! Fly! Command someone to build a skyscraper of myself in a dressing gown and carrying a coffee cup, hair ruffled, squinty-eyed, stained slippers, maybe half a yawn, in memory of how I am and what it takes to be brilliant such as me! Even though I will still be alive.
~~ This also never happened! I do have a passion for creating silly tales that pretty much only children resonate with, but for some reason I just keep the draft copy and lug it all over my room to put in various spots when I do a clean out. Must get on this!
# Continue with my novel. Yes, I have a novel. It is in progress, and has been for about eight years, which I think is natural for a novel. The theme is fantasy and in my head I have planned most of the story, the ending, beginnings and interweaving of the five characters lives, and on paper I have written the characters profiles and parts of scenes. However, as with age comes adultness. I have adulted. I am now without such time for spontaneous writings and drawings, and as much as this saddens me, I declare sorrowfully that study and work have become a big part of my life at the present. Nursing does not allow for fantasies. It is a degree of study, preparation, facts, planning, and responsibilities. But aside from this, I would like to look over it whenever I feel slightly bored or wandering thoughts, to remember and perhaps get back into it again.
~~ Well nursing can suck my ass, because I quit! But not because of this novel. I just became really tired of helping everyone else except me, and one day I was driving in my car and I thought 'I don't even LIKE nursing. I hate going there! It takes up too much of my time, I'm always stressed about assignments and lack of money and getting a freakin car park in their tiny 'matchbox' sized carpark for 2,000 students. Why am I doing this? I don't even want to BE a nurse. I want to take people's blood, steal it away, store it in my underground lab, and experiment on people while I start my own super-race.' It took a lot of effort and a lot of deciding and moaning and crying and feeling like a fat losery failure and a disappointment to everyone at my job, my family, my friends, everyone except myself, because inside I was actually a bit numb. LOL. But I was. I had pulled my inner spirit up to be this 'nurse' person, acting, thinking, trying my hardest to be that person, and feeling dumb because obviously I was the entire opposite of this person. So it felt like someone had ripped out a piece of me. As well as having other parts ripped out of me, and the whole process was hard, tiring, and no point at all.
However, I DID look over my novel last year, and I actually wrote out a few notes and got stuck into the characters, which made me realise how fucked up they really are. I love them all, but they just break my heart because I already know what happens, I know their lives and the troubles they go through, and to be honest, it's just to be loved or fit in or find happiness. Of course, when I was writing this years ago I had no idea. But now, looking at it through fresh, grown-up eyes, I can see that this novel is going to be a bitch to write. It's going to take all my self-control not to get wholly enveloped to the point of drowning, just to reach deep into my little chasm of feelings and take out each one so they can be examined and blown up 1000x its size.
It's going to be a burst of creation, and I'm not sure how I will handle it.
# Continue with my fairy drawings. You must do this woman! There is no greater magic on this earth, I believe, than creating. As true love is a thing hard to find, I am skeptical. I believe few people find it. So that magic is rare. But creating anything, whether it be cakes, furniture, clothes, paintings, movies, etc, involves imagination and ideas, determination to work through the difficult parts, and a will to make it all come about in the end. I personally always feel so content when I'm drawing fairies. I feel as though I have purpose in life, even if I'm just creating a lamely drawn person with no hands.
~Do what makes you come alive! You will spread the magic!
~ This is actually really, very, extremely hard to do. I think about it often. I admire the artists I see and I realise I don't have to be the greatest. However, the INTERNET has completely taken over my brain. Yes, I'm blaming YOU, Internet, because I read somewhere that manufacturers make the mobile phone in such a way that when you look at it, you release endorphins. I am not okay with that. I demand you give ALL of my happy cells back to me, thank you and good day!
# Buy more clothes. I don't like shopping in general and for a long time I was saving up to buy a house. As I have recently made my dream come true by purchasing a house, I believe I can now spend some money on clothes. This means nice clothes! A jacket would be nice, for one! Seeing as how I left my last one in a pub! Amen.
~~ One good of the many about Bae is that I am forced to buy feminine, pretty, almost sexual, clothes. Thanks Bae! I open my wardrobe with the same ol 'hmmm, what to wear to the bfs house? Welp! I have nothing!'
Bag, Keys, Wallet, and we are out to shop!
But not really! That's not how it goes! Ahhaa, it's more of a grumbling reluctance, even if I do wish to appear vaguely mysterious and woman-like.
I did buy a jacket though, and it was expensive, and it looks reasonable. I approve in a general sense or not having a strong feeling of disapproval.
# Learn French, Japanese and German. The urge for German has probably passed for now, though, and Japanese is a meh one, but French would be delightful. This means actually putting languages on your Ipod and listening to them, actually saying them, doing this daily and regardless of people listening. Talking to people in your newfound language. Ordering food in the foreign tongue and confusing the wait staff. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU WILL RULE.
~Maybe you shouldn't have had that last coffee?
~~ Can I say, that I drive to many places throughout my life, and last year I have driven to possibly many more than that because of my life -- yes...-- and YET! Even though I have two French audios on my ipod in my car, that we have established I spend a great deal of time in, I have not once listened to it.
Not. Once.
# Attempt pottery and play the guitar. Buy the guitar. Enrol in a pot-making course. Wrap it up, lady. This list is too long.
# Start playing volleyball. #Sign up at a martial arts class.
# Continue making jewellery. # Sell jewellery. # Start a jewellery business.
# Continue growing vegetables and fruit. # Upload photos of these fruits and vegetables.
# Finish my Nursing degree and find a job as a nurse who takes blood, such as Clinpath.
# Sew clothes. # Buy a sewing machine. # Do all the sewing. # Continue knitting for the homeless. # Actually finish a blanket to give to the homeless.
~~ I have not done any of these. Let's just call it a day and continue on with a strongass mofo of a coffee to get PUMPT.
I believe I can do a tafe course for blood collection (pathology) waaaaaay cheaper than a nursing degree worth over 30,000, which I can pay for upfront if I save up. This will save me stress, money, time, and the cringe factor every time I think about that hugeass looming hecs fee.
Also, I believe I have done my time of lounging around in bed, eating doritos, and singing Evanescence songs while watching 8 episodes in one day of one tv show.
# Run everyday- whether a light jog, full on pelt because the fear of numb toes propels you forwards into a hyperventilating frenzy, or just a casual walk in some fancy attire to attract the male gaze. Just exercise it and do it outside where the wind blows and the sun shines and the energy is nigh. (And avoid the 'attracting of the male gaze' on account of that you are currently taken. ... Yes. Remember this. (Although, if the male gaze really is attracted to my sweaty uncoordinated leg movements, undignified flapping of track pants, rhythmic ponytail swinging into face and annoyed grapple of Ipod to change song because I'm too lazy to update workout playlist, well! Who am I to refuse?!))
~~This happened! And then promptly stopped, so I will need to come up with some plan to get back into the swing, and then actually Get Back Into The Swing.
# Do ten push ups and ten sit ups everyday. Record this if you feel necessary and post on instagram or facebook. But mostly instagram. Actually avoid facebook. You know too many people on there. Actually, avoid posting it anywhere at all. Evidence of this atrocity does not need to exist.
~~ Jesus Christ this NEVER happened!! LMAO. YOLO. CHIPSFORLIFE #NEEDMAHSALTZ
# Drink two bottles of water a day. This is hard! The urge to pee is uncomfortable and at times inappropriate, but the water still has to be consumed to get all that brain matter working! The vibes must be happy and moist!
~Yes. In all seriousness, you feel 100 per cent ready to take on the world when you're hydrated. Consistently hydrated. None of this: two bottles in five hours then two days of nothing but coffee and wine nonsense. Or in my case: two hours of three glasses of water and then two days of five coffees each. THIS MUST END. HYDRATION WILL COMMENCE.
~~ You literally DO feel 100%. Past me rocks! So wise! Amazing hair! All the thin! (I'm becoming quite the chub these days, and I do not approve) I believe there was a time last year where I felt faint 83.24 per cent of the time because of 'who needs that much water? SCOFF!' And it really sucked. So, apparently I was that person.
This past week actually (in the ol January of 2018) (I forgot the blog posts have dates on them LOL) I have found the healing properties of cold water. I haven't tasted cold water, except in bottles bought from the store, since five years ago, and it has to end. ALSO, buying water has to end. Why buy water? When it comes free, clean, and delicious from a tap?? COME ON GIRLFRIEND.
# Eat more fruit and vegetables and avoid preservatives. This is the hardest thing to do ever when it comes to health. I'm sure. When shopping previously for only healthy, natural foods, I came home with fruit, vegetables, frozen vegetables, oats, eggs, nuts and bread. A day later I was like 'TWISTIES! MY LOVE! WHERE FORT ART THOU???' and I raced down to pick up my love, along with a tub of ice cream and some yoghurt, as well as some rice crackers and a dip of choice, some muesli bars, frozen quiche, a container of fruit juice and some peanut butter.
Eat 80/20. That's all I will say. And let the 20 be once a week. For myself, I'd like to go back to the old days when my grandparents were alive and try to eat like them because the people in the movies and posters back (even though in movies and posters) had different body shapes compared with us today. I feel as though they had more respect for food and belongings as well.
~I'd like to make a shopping list, stick to it every week, get the financials in order, and make the whole shopping experience a routine down pat.
~~ Bros, we ALL know this did not happen. Not in the slightest. I bought muesli bars? Shit me.
# Finish watching tv shows. These include, Gilmore Girls, Supernatural and Grey's Anatomy. Gilmore Girls will be easy because I'm halfway through season six and there are only seven seasons. Grey's Anatomy I'm only up to season four and there are twelve seasons! Supernatural I'm at season one. So. Yes.
Do that.
~~ THIS HAPPENED. HOLY FUCK. SO!! I have literally finished Gilmore Girls and watched the whole 'A Year in the Life' which shit me off to no end because Rory was a dickwipe who had sex with Logan even though HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND. Can I say it again, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE YOUTH TODAY. If I ever found out my son had done that I would SLAP HIS BITCH FACE. I'm pretty sure he never told his gf, because they were always sneakily sluttin around, although maybe I'm mistaken, but I remember feeling revolted and annoyed that this lovely Rory who I had admired was now this whore who messed her whole life up, so I'm assuming that I felt that way because of their secrecy. Total respect for consensual open relationships. Peace to you.
And! I have struggled my way through season two of Supernatural, which was ok from memory, and then pushed ever-faithfully on through season three, which gave me nightmares but I persevered, and then bounced happily into season four! I think it's because Castiel finally came in, so I had actual eye candy, like PHWOAR, you can rock a trench coat you amazing weirdo, get in my pants.
However, Grey's Anatomy became really depressing and a lot of the main characters died or were involved in misfortune. I got up to season 5 and thought, ummmm, nahhhh. But I would like to go back and watch it in an intermittent fashion.
So that was fun!
Nowadays, I have Netflix, (THANKS BAE! 💖) and I have religiously watched Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on repeat, up to current ep of The Good Place, and am just getting into Arrested Development.
Other series I want to watch include: The End of the fucking world, Black Mirror, Don't trust the B in apartment 23, The IT crowd, Stranger Things, Schitt$ Creek, the US The Office, Extras, Gypsy, Peaky Blinders, Bates Motel, Getting On, Sense8, Dance Academy, East Siders, and Call the midwife... just to name a few.
# Continue with my children's book. Now when I say continue, I mean sort out a story board for each page, work out illustrations, size, take to editor/publisher, etc, and get the whole ball rolling. Become famous! Take over the world, somehow, with books for children! Wear a tiara! Fly! Command someone to build a skyscraper of myself in a dressing gown and carrying a coffee cup, hair ruffled, squinty-eyed, stained slippers, maybe half a yawn, in memory of how I am and what it takes to be brilliant such as me! Even though I will still be alive.
~~ This also never happened! I do have a passion for creating silly tales that pretty much only children resonate with, but for some reason I just keep the draft copy and lug it all over my room to put in various spots when I do a clean out. Must get on this!
# Continue with my novel. Yes, I have a novel. It is in progress, and has been for about eight years, which I think is natural for a novel. The theme is fantasy and in my head I have planned most of the story, the ending, beginnings and interweaving of the five characters lives, and on paper I have written the characters profiles and parts of scenes. However, as with age comes adultness. I have adulted. I am now without such time for spontaneous writings and drawings, and as much as this saddens me, I declare sorrowfully that study and work have become a big part of my life at the present. Nursing does not allow for fantasies. It is a degree of study, preparation, facts, planning, and responsibilities. But aside from this, I would like to look over it whenever I feel slightly bored or wandering thoughts, to remember and perhaps get back into it again.
~~ Well nursing can suck my ass, because I quit! But not because of this novel. I just became really tired of helping everyone else except me, and one day I was driving in my car and I thought 'I don't even LIKE nursing. I hate going there! It takes up too much of my time, I'm always stressed about assignments and lack of money and getting a freakin car park in their tiny 'matchbox' sized carpark for 2,000 students. Why am I doing this? I don't even want to BE a nurse. I want to take people's blood, steal it away, store it in my underground lab, and experiment on people while I start my own super-race.' It took a lot of effort and a lot of deciding and moaning and crying and feeling like a fat losery failure and a disappointment to everyone at my job, my family, my friends, everyone except myself, because inside I was actually a bit numb. LOL. But I was. I had pulled my inner spirit up to be this 'nurse' person, acting, thinking, trying my hardest to be that person, and feeling dumb because obviously I was the entire opposite of this person. So it felt like someone had ripped out a piece of me. As well as having other parts ripped out of me, and the whole process was hard, tiring, and no point at all.
However, I DID look over my novel last year, and I actually wrote out a few notes and got stuck into the characters, which made me realise how fucked up they really are. I love them all, but they just break my heart because I already know what happens, I know their lives and the troubles they go through, and to be honest, it's just to be loved or fit in or find happiness. Of course, when I was writing this years ago I had no idea. But now, looking at it through fresh, grown-up eyes, I can see that this novel is going to be a bitch to write. It's going to take all my self-control not to get wholly enveloped to the point of drowning, just to reach deep into my little chasm of feelings and take out each one so they can be examined and blown up 1000x its size.
It's going to be a burst of creation, and I'm not sure how I will handle it.
# Continue with my fairy drawings. You must do this woman! There is no greater magic on this earth, I believe, than creating. As true love is a thing hard to find, I am skeptical. I believe few people find it. So that magic is rare. But creating anything, whether it be cakes, furniture, clothes, paintings, movies, etc, involves imagination and ideas, determination to work through the difficult parts, and a will to make it all come about in the end. I personally always feel so content when I'm drawing fairies. I feel as though I have purpose in life, even if I'm just creating a lamely drawn person with no hands.
~Do what makes you come alive! You will spread the magic!
~ This is actually really, very, extremely hard to do. I think about it often. I admire the artists I see and I realise I don't have to be the greatest. However, the INTERNET has completely taken over my brain. Yes, I'm blaming YOU, Internet, because I read somewhere that manufacturers make the mobile phone in such a way that when you look at it, you release endorphins. I am not okay with that. I demand you give ALL of my happy cells back to me, thank you and good day!
# Buy more clothes. I don't like shopping in general and for a long time I was saving up to buy a house. As I have recently made my dream come true by purchasing a house, I believe I can now spend some money on clothes. This means nice clothes! A jacket would be nice, for one! Seeing as how I left my last one in a pub! Amen.
~~ One good of the many about Bae is that I am forced to buy feminine, pretty, almost sexual, clothes. Thanks Bae! I open my wardrobe with the same ol 'hmmm, what to wear to the bfs house? Welp! I have nothing!'
Bag, Keys, Wallet, and we are out to shop!
But not really! That's not how it goes! Ahhaa, it's more of a grumbling reluctance, even if I do wish to appear vaguely mysterious and woman-like.
I did buy a jacket though, and it was expensive, and it looks reasonable. I approve in a general sense or not having a strong feeling of disapproval.
# Learn French, Japanese and German. The urge for German has probably passed for now, though, and Japanese is a meh one, but French would be delightful. This means actually putting languages on your Ipod and listening to them, actually saying them, doing this daily and regardless of people listening. Talking to people in your newfound language. Ordering food in the foreign tongue and confusing the wait staff. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU WILL RULE.
~Maybe you shouldn't have had that last coffee?
~~ Can I say, that I drive to many places throughout my life, and last year I have driven to possibly many more than that because of my life -- yes...-- and YET! Even though I have two French audios on my ipod in my car, that we have established I spend a great deal of time in, I have not once listened to it.
Not. Once.
# Attempt pottery and play the guitar. Buy the guitar. Enrol in a pot-making course. Wrap it up, lady. This list is too long.
# Start playing volleyball. #Sign up at a martial arts class.
# Continue making jewellery. # Sell jewellery. # Start a jewellery business.
# Continue growing vegetables and fruit. # Upload photos of these fruits and vegetables.
# Sew clothes. # Buy a sewing machine. # Do all the sewing. # Continue knitting for the homeless. # Actually finish a blanket to give to the homeless.
~~ I have not done any of these. Let's just call it a day and continue on with a strongass mofo of a coffee to get PUMPT.
I believe I can do a tafe course for blood collection (pathology) waaaaaay cheaper than a nursing degree worth over 30,000, which I can pay for upfront if I save up. This will save me stress, money, time, and the cringe factor every time I think about that hugeass looming hecs fee.
Also, I believe I have done my time of lounging around in bed, eating doritos, and singing Evanescence songs while watching 8 episodes in one day of one tv show.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
So!
2018, yes is a year, but also, it's a time. I spent my whole 2017 chillin to such a degree that I put on 5 kilos. I told myself 'it's stress, you deserve to chillaxify with yummy foods and visual stimulation' but also, I told myself that 'I can't be bothered' doing anything.
Life is meant for bothering! If it weren't, why is the very fact of chillaxifying and doing nothing at all so apathetic and depression inducing? You must strive for new heights! Get up and get out! Cut your hair! Get a tattoo! (Yes I DO want another one) You must be all that you can be because life is great and you are young and capable.
You must defy robotism!
I must say, after doing my no spend challenge and OH! I did buy something from Office Works! I splurged a whole 8.95 and bought a little pug dog notepad with sticky notes, and the pug dogs wear top hats and monocles and moustaches like an underground dog mafia boss. Then I had a situation where a tub of cream burst in my car (from nothing I personally did) soaking the whole pug pad, and my handbag, and a bag of clothes, and my car door, and windshield, and steering wheel, and seat cover, and yes. It was a time. It was December of 2017.
ANYWHO.
The two challenges of no spend and no junk that I took part in last year have not changed me in the slightest. I'm still overly frugal with necessities like work shoes or the dentist, and yet generous with all the edible treats one could want whenever one could want. I would never dream of running out on a whim to purchase a whole box of desperately needed plastic sleeves to order the mounting paperwork I have, yet I see no problem in buying three bags of chips to sit and marathon Black Books.
I hope February of this year kicks me in the butt and jumpstarts a whole new level of Cerri Awesome.
Stay tuned!
\ \!!/ /
(>__>)
Tuesday, 16 January 2018
Can I leave my jacket on?
The problem wasn't the burn marks on the toast, no. She were far too old to deal with that nonsense. If bread couldn't cook within the allocated amount of time, well! Then bread would have to answer to a higher, plumpier, chewier version of the Bread God himself.
Yes.
There was a god, and he was made out of bread, and he was a He.
Or was he?
Upon her third bite of her second piece of toast (the first was only crust and therefore could not be called toast at all, nor bread, but merely an 'afterthought of the possibility of bread, if the right person got their act together'. What. A. Shame.) she experienced a change of heart and two flashes in her brain bin that was her actual thinking brain located inside the skull that sat inside a flesh prison being her face and head.
The Bread God was IN FACT a woman. It had to be. It had to be the Bread Goddess.
As such, the two thoughts turned out to be: what a FUCKING ORGASMIC piece of toast this second one is. FUCK. Followed closely- but not too close because foodgasms do not allow for the required thinking time- by: how in GOD'S NAME can this be from a man? Since when do men produce orgasms on such a monumental scale?
"Sharna!" she cried when her friend walked into their shabby excuse for a kitchen. "Sharna! Taste this bread!"
Sharna said, "Shhhh, fuck, Ilma. It's eight forty am." And she proceeded to put the coffee maker on while shuffling enigmatically in her flower-printed robe.
"I have never known Jamie Oliver or Huey whatisname to give foodgasms such as this!" Ilma said while brandishing toast about, in hopes Sharna would turn around and fall head over heels.
"They're both hasbeens aren't they?" Sharna replied sensibly with her back still turned.
Ilma wrinkled one brow elegantly. "I honestly don't know."
She thought about this as Sharna went about her breakfast making in a heavy-bowl-clanking, sharp-knife-clinking, soft-water-rushing kind of way that possibly involved fruit and something cinnamony.
Could someone like a famous chef disappear from the limelight after producing such a fuss? Which one of Jamie's recipes had she tried making? And did it turn out like the original with such zest, such flair, most moist, that it actually had given her a foodgasm?
To answer this question she would have to search what exactly an orgasm was, and how it directly related to the food she was eating, and therefore, the inexplicable effects it created throughout the human body. It would require days of research, a new pen, a newer laptop- most likely one that had GB of RAM- snacks in all varieties of unhealth and mess producing, a new view to stare out in contemplation or reflection when the situation called for it, and actually, in all likeliness, a new car.
This was a long list of things Ilma needed to finish her thesis. She thought about the weight now on her shoulders, and she sat back in her chair, pondering, looking lost in an idea but photogenically ready, and ever slightly the mysterious creature that merits a gaze out of the corner of the eye to satisfy that curious itch.
Ilma sighed dramatically. "Sharn, how am I supposed to come up with six thousand dollars before Halloween?"
Sharna snorted in her glass of green breakfast smoothie. Ilma waited in sympathy. Breakfast juices caused all sorts of problems in ones life. Ilma was here and she was understanding in matters such as these.
"Dude, are you doing drugs?" Sharna wiped her mouth with her robe sleeve.
"Dirtying the robe!" Ilma shrieked.
"What?"
"It's sacred!"
Sharna rolled her eyes, took another sip, and then asked, "You need six thousand dollars in two weeks?"
"Huh? Two weeks?" Ilma flipped open her diary and saw, as she had not suspected, that Halloween was in two weeks. "What is this?" she flipped it closed in disgust.
"Are you writing a book about recipes?" Sharna asked, once again in a serious manner that was far too serious for a recipe book discussion but not serious enough for a hostile take down on the body's culinary senses.
"It's for involvements that all deal in food."
The fact of the matter was, Ilma didn't think she could trust Sharna with the heavy burden of this task. Then suddenly: "Are you eating toast with Vegemite AND cream cheese?"
"Yes, and it's the most delightful thing I have ever decided to do on a spontaneous whim. Whims are hard, Shaz, much harder than algebra or making apple pie from scratch, both of which I have tried to do on a whim and both times I have failed."
Sharna laughed long and loud. "I remember your pie episode. It was a saga."
"Yes," Ilma bristled as if she actually had fur to stand on end. "Wasn't it ever. But this isn't whim! This is fantasy turned reality! This is a dramatic comedy with romance stuffed in!"
"Romance? Ok, Ilma, I have an idea." Sharna twinkled bright-eyed and angelic at Ilma, and Ilma narrowed her eyebrows in a suspicious, sheepish sort of grin.
"I'll allow it," she said.
"Well!" Sharna started eagerly, and put her glass aside as a necessary precaution due to arm-flailing and head-tossing in moments of excitement. "How about we go on a double date?! I;ll set you up with one of Jeremy's single friends!"
Ilma inhaled impressively. A date? With a man? Could she be unsuspecting and hook this fellow into her book-writing, maybe even convince him to do the actual writing while she dictated and ate red jelly mixed with chocolate custard from a bowl? After all, women shouldn't do anything overly exerting without the right sustenance.
"Well?" Sharna prompted, still eager-eyed but a glaze forming where interest should be, as if she were slowly turning into a statue.
"I think it's very important to cross-examine another persons work," Ilma said, nodding more to herself.
"Excellent!" Sharna exclaimed happily. "I'll head to the gym and then get back early so we can prepare!"
Ilma stared at a fridge magnet in the shape of a large white tooth, completely lost in her world-domination plans. "Yes," she droned, almost as if in a trance. "I believe Trevor will need training to correct his hideous posture. Ergonomic chairs are all the rage now, did you know?"
"Of course they are, everyone knows." Sharna shoved all her dishes in the sink and took a deep breath, turned to the fridge and then shook herself as if to clear an ugly image. "Why Jeremy would go in there is beyond me. I'll clean it next week. Ok Illy!" she said, turned and waved absurdly. "I'll be back! Try to pick something sensual to wear!"
"Sensual? What?" Ilma turned as Sharna left. "Wait! Did you say date or staff review meeting?"
Yes.
There was a god, and he was made out of bread, and he was a He.
Or was he?
Upon her third bite of her second piece of toast (the first was only crust and therefore could not be called toast at all, nor bread, but merely an 'afterthought of the possibility of bread, if the right person got their act together'. What. A. Shame.) she experienced a change of heart and two flashes in her brain bin that was her actual thinking brain located inside the skull that sat inside a flesh prison being her face and head.
The Bread God was IN FACT a woman. It had to be. It had to be the Bread Goddess.
As such, the two thoughts turned out to be: what a FUCKING ORGASMIC piece of toast this second one is. FUCK. Followed closely- but not too close because foodgasms do not allow for the required thinking time- by: how in GOD'S NAME can this be from a man? Since when do men produce orgasms on such a monumental scale?
"Sharna!" she cried when her friend walked into their shabby excuse for a kitchen. "Sharna! Taste this bread!"
Sharna said, "Shhhh, fuck, Ilma. It's eight forty am." And she proceeded to put the coffee maker on while shuffling enigmatically in her flower-printed robe.
"I have never known Jamie Oliver or Huey whatisname to give foodgasms such as this!" Ilma said while brandishing toast about, in hopes Sharna would turn around and fall head over heels.
"They're both hasbeens aren't they?" Sharna replied sensibly with her back still turned.
Ilma wrinkled one brow elegantly. "I honestly don't know."
She thought about this as Sharna went about her breakfast making in a heavy-bowl-clanking, sharp-knife-clinking, soft-water-rushing kind of way that possibly involved fruit and something cinnamony.
Could someone like a famous chef disappear from the limelight after producing such a fuss? Which one of Jamie's recipes had she tried making? And did it turn out like the original with such zest, such flair, most moist, that it actually had given her a foodgasm?
To answer this question she would have to search what exactly an orgasm was, and how it directly related to the food she was eating, and therefore, the inexplicable effects it created throughout the human body. It would require days of research, a new pen, a newer laptop- most likely one that had GB of RAM- snacks in all varieties of unhealth and mess producing, a new view to stare out in contemplation or reflection when the situation called for it, and actually, in all likeliness, a new car.
This was a long list of things Ilma needed to finish her thesis. She thought about the weight now on her shoulders, and she sat back in her chair, pondering, looking lost in an idea but photogenically ready, and ever slightly the mysterious creature that merits a gaze out of the corner of the eye to satisfy that curious itch.
Ilma sighed dramatically. "Sharn, how am I supposed to come up with six thousand dollars before Halloween?"
Sharna snorted in her glass of green breakfast smoothie. Ilma waited in sympathy. Breakfast juices caused all sorts of problems in ones life. Ilma was here and she was understanding in matters such as these.
"Dude, are you doing drugs?" Sharna wiped her mouth with her robe sleeve.
"Dirtying the robe!" Ilma shrieked.
"What?"
"It's sacred!"
Sharna rolled her eyes, took another sip, and then asked, "You need six thousand dollars in two weeks?"
"Huh? Two weeks?" Ilma flipped open her diary and saw, as she had not suspected, that Halloween was in two weeks. "What is this?" she flipped it closed in disgust.
"Are you writing a book about recipes?" Sharna asked, once again in a serious manner that was far too serious for a recipe book discussion but not serious enough for a hostile take down on the body's culinary senses.
"It's for involvements that all deal in food."
The fact of the matter was, Ilma didn't think she could trust Sharna with the heavy burden of this task. Then suddenly: "Are you eating toast with Vegemite AND cream cheese?"
"Yes, and it's the most delightful thing I have ever decided to do on a spontaneous whim. Whims are hard, Shaz, much harder than algebra or making apple pie from scratch, both of which I have tried to do on a whim and both times I have failed."
Sharna laughed long and loud. "I remember your pie episode. It was a saga."
"Yes," Ilma bristled as if she actually had fur to stand on end. "Wasn't it ever. But this isn't whim! This is fantasy turned reality! This is a dramatic comedy with romance stuffed in!"
"Romance? Ok, Ilma, I have an idea." Sharna twinkled bright-eyed and angelic at Ilma, and Ilma narrowed her eyebrows in a suspicious, sheepish sort of grin.
"I'll allow it," she said.
"Well!" Sharna started eagerly, and put her glass aside as a necessary precaution due to arm-flailing and head-tossing in moments of excitement. "How about we go on a double date?! I;ll set you up with one of Jeremy's single friends!"
Ilma inhaled impressively. A date? With a man? Could she be unsuspecting and hook this fellow into her book-writing, maybe even convince him to do the actual writing while she dictated and ate red jelly mixed with chocolate custard from a bowl? After all, women shouldn't do anything overly exerting without the right sustenance.
"Well?" Sharna prompted, still eager-eyed but a glaze forming where interest should be, as if she were slowly turning into a statue.
"I think it's very important to cross-examine another persons work," Ilma said, nodding more to herself.
"Excellent!" Sharna exclaimed happily. "I'll head to the gym and then get back early so we can prepare!"
Ilma stared at a fridge magnet in the shape of a large white tooth, completely lost in her world-domination plans. "Yes," she droned, almost as if in a trance. "I believe Trevor will need training to correct his hideous posture. Ergonomic chairs are all the rage now, did you know?"
"Of course they are, everyone knows." Sharna shoved all her dishes in the sink and took a deep breath, turned to the fridge and then shook herself as if to clear an ugly image. "Why Jeremy would go in there is beyond me. I'll clean it next week. Ok Illy!" she said, turned and waved absurdly. "I'll be back! Try to pick something sensual to wear!"
"Sensual? What?" Ilma turned as Sharna left. "Wait! Did you say date or staff review meeting?"
Saturday, 6 January 2018
Aren't you a bit short to be a Storm Trooper?
Ballemi called up her half-brother in London.
"I'm going on away for a while!" she boomed down the line in her sincere yet clamorous voice.
Calemy winced. "Bally, how many times must I tell you-?'
"Don't tell me, brother dearest," Ballemi rolled her eyes while she let her boom speak for itself. "Show me." And she hung up.
"Now," Ballemi looked around the cluttered living area filled with ferny plants, colouring pencils, half-finished paintings, penis-shaped wine glasses, and oriental waving cat statues, and thought: can all of this really fit into my vehicle?
"There's two new birds out on the deck..." came a lazy drawl from behind her, and much to her dismay at being interrupted in her time of need, Ballemi brought herself up to her full five feet and ten inches, and said, "Caramel, I'm going on a trip."
Caramel took a sip out of a penis glass and squinted at her. The interesting thing about Caramel was her ability to drink cocoa out of a wine glass at any time of the day while making it look like a natural occurrence.
"Yes," Caramel nodded. "I can see by your aura that you most definitely should."
"I will need to take Jujube with me..." Ballemi continued, still glancing around and still- if she were honest- thinking about yesterdays fresh batch of cupcakes, the ten pounds those cupcakes gave her almost overnight, the smear of strawberry icing on her pillow and bed sheet from the luxurious midnight viewing of 'Does my cookie dough look big in this?' (it did), and how, as if by magic, she turned around after her cooking spree to find out they didn't own a dishwasher.
"We've never had a dishwasher," Caramel had smiled around her glass of chocolate with a look of mild amusement.
"You mean ever?" Ballemi asked, shocked and somewhat suspicious.
"Never, ever."
"What the BOLLOCKS!"
Now, Caramel sat down on the lilac couch and turned on the tv. "I doubt Jujube will go with you, however I agree one hundred per cent that he should. I just think he would get bored."
"Of course he wouldn't get bored. God Caramel, you'd think all he ever did was extremely exciting adventures like mountain climbing while riding alpacas, or online dating."
"Oh, well, yes."
Ballemi ignored Caramel's lack of argumentative fire, or passion, or real investment in other such extremely exciting adventures, and heaved her black, dusty, monstrous suitcase out of the hallway cupboard, down the hallway, and into the living room. She plopped it on top of the coffee table. Caramel propped herself up on two cushions to see the tv better.
"Alright! Things to bring on The Trip..." Ballemi stared at a painting of the Mona Lisa. What could one possibly do with that?
"An iron!" Caramel called out suddenly.
"Yes!" Ballemi screeched, relieved, "Yes! Perfect! Thank you!" She raced off, grabbed their old, cordless (because a family of mice had chewed it off, presumably to eat for dinner) metallic heap of an iron and dumped it in.
"Hole puncher!" Caramel called out again.
"Oh my god yes!"
When Ballemi came back with one, Caramel yelled: "Washing powder!"
"God yes." She flung in half a box.
"A navy blue sweater!"
"Oh, GENIUS!"
"Tinsel from last Christmas!"
"Well, seems a bit pointless but I guess I can see its potential."
"Scissors that you cut chicken with!" Caramel shrieked out in laughter.
"You're right... a roast turkey could most probably come up."
"A lamp in the shape of Baloo from Jungle Book!"
"Oh, well, will this whale lamp do?"
"Sneakers without laces!"
"I actually have a pair of those!"
This went for quite some time. After half an hour had passed, Caramel looked over at Ballemi as she zipped up her bulging suitcase and asked: "Did you get all those answers too?"
"Huh?"
"To the quiz... the show just on."
Ballemi frowned, "Was there a show on?"
"The theme was Things One Could Do Without."
"Was it...?" But Ballemi was once again staring at the Mona Lisa painting, preoccupied, regretful, and unsure. She was certain it could be made useful. Was it wise to pack it just in case?
"Bollocks!" she cried happily. "I will!"
"Oh you're not taking that old thing are you?" Caramel scoffed just as Jujube leaped gracefully onto her lap. He watched as Ballemi hoisted up the painting that was as tall and just as wide as she was and he purred in what seemed like approval.
"This cat has no taste," Caramel shook her head.
"God almighty, who the hell invented this?" Ballemi huffed. She had really only just turned around, carrying the painting as high in the air as she could, but that was enough. She slammed it down in a tired huff.
Caramel swigged the last of her drink, stood up with no regard for Jujube whatsoever, and helped Ballemi carry the painting to the suitcase, open the suitcase, and pull out seventeen pairs of knee-high socks so they could slide the painting in.
"You are a nightmare!" Caramel said, laughing with her head thrown back.
"And you..." started Ballemi in all seriousness and solemness usually reserved for court rooms and table-tennis matches, "are the loyalest friend a person could ever want. A salute to you." She saluted. Caramel laughed but looked extremely pleased, if a little unsurprised and not at all modest in the slightest.
Ballemi took this with good grace.
"Come along Jujube!" she sang. "Good bye Caramel! I shall write every week! Then every other week, then once a month, due to my hot and steamy romantic affair that will render me without any time at all to pursue my once sought-after hobbies! Oh how I will miss them all! Let's go Jujy!"
Feeling light as air and excited as a little kid, Ballemi burst out of the front door. She stopped, squinted in the bright sunlight.
She could hear laughter coming from inside.
"Caramel!" she shouted. "I haven't got a car!"
Thursday, 30 November 2017
Can I change my order?
Day 30 delves deep into the truest wants, needs, and flighty fancies of today- such as 'do I really need that lemonade with ice or is it just a delightful way to cool down in a house with no air-conditioning?'
Today has been very interesting in a way that can only be described as Those Little Moments. Such as, I went to work in a fit of 'I only slept a broken three hours again!! I am SO BLOODY TIRED I'm having the ol "can't hold my drink properly so there it goes spilling on my pants again! Oh, wait, it didn't, fuck I'm amazing"' type gig. Man, I don't think I've slept a solid seven hours a night for a good month in about two years.
But yes, the little moments were: getting to work and doing a good job, but falling behind because of the ample tireds, then receiving help from one of the ladies who didn't have to help me at all. Somehow being organised af with all the dietary changes, people going out for lunch that never said so I had to flurry around dealing with that, staff not turning up resulting in myself and the other lady doing more than our fair share of work, and just generally going with the flow in a calm/tired/spaced-out-so-not-even-caring kind of way. The lady on yesterday had filled out all my menus so I didn't have to run around for one whole hour collecting people's food choices, which meant I could deal with the other work from the no-shows, which all worked out really well.
Remembering that I had to pay for a meal I had with a friend at a cafe yesterday where we walked out without paying because they served us at the table, and receiving a FREE COFFEE when I did pay. ^_^
Getting to the 12 items or less checkout with one jar of coffee, a chickpea and lentil dinner thing, and bread, to have the guy in font of me insist I go before him because I had more items than him.
Ok!
Now!
This isn't part of my whole 'clean eating joke of the year, ah ha ha ha Cerri, she cracks me up, thing', but for the past fortnight I have been watching food documentaries, namely 'Cowspiracy' and 'What the Health?' and just today 'Food Inc.'
They are fascinating.
Unfortunately it's confused me to no end.
I had my suspicions a long long time ago that basically 75% of the supermarket is processed and packet crap, and the other 25% is pesticide/chemical ridden garbage posing as 'fruit and veg'. It's just always been a fact for me because you go into the supermarket and it's there in front of you. What are chips? Some form of tampered potato doused in heavy amounts of chemical-laden seasoning. What is coke? Rubbish, it's entirely rubbish, bubbles, sugar, and dye and anything harmful like bleach because it can apparently clean a toilet, HOWEVER, vinegars are also used as a cleaning agent, so you know. They don't have the apparent sixteen teaspoons of sugar added or whatever.
Chocolate? Well apparently chocolate isn't even chocolate, or cocoa, because it's jam packed with sugar and flavours etc, ice cream is just processed milky stuff and sugar, yoghurt is apparently treated with fillers, sugar and colouring, and what even are soy crisps?
So those are the known unfoods that pretty much everyone knows are dodgy. Yoghurt is different because it's widely thought of as healthy, but most of them have sugar as one of the top three ingredients.
These documentaries claim that meat causes cancer, dairy causes a range of diseases among women because of the added hormones and tampering, and basically the general premise of all three docos was: 'your food is not food anymore. It is genetically, scientifically, and technologically abused to create better tasting/more addictive foods for the public, more money for the government/the only four corporations actually involved in the entire range of food sold in supermarkets, because at a global level they want to use brainwashing and mind control to enslave the population because they like feeling powerful. The people are demanding cheaper, better tasting, bigger meals now more than ever.
I literally can never eat an entire meal at a restaurant because I either get really uncomfortably full, feel like a glutton, or get annoyed at having to carry half of it home, trying not to forget it sitting in my car, remembering it's in my fridge, etc.
You know. On a more weirder level. My brain works better when I am not full. I notice myself thinking faster, sharper, clearer after eating salads and little light meals, and having lots of water.
And I think, 'is this a form of control? making us so fat and slow with food that all we will want to do is watch the ample supply of food programs and exciting tv shows/movies, which then propels us to go out and buy more food because we see it on tv, or buy another tv, or better sound system, or better kitchen ware, because the ads say so. I don't watch tv, but when I do involuntarily at work most of it is just ads anyway. It's loud, annoying, and repetitive, so at some point in our lives we will hum a tune or think of something we MUST GET and we will subconsciously think of that place and go there.
I wanted to go to Fantastic Furniture to get my goods. I searched the internet and found a few items I liked, and then someone mentioned about an independent furniture shop that was closing down, and so I went there and was BLOWN AWAY BY THE SEX GODS THAT APPARENTLY DO CARPENTRY IN THEIR SPARE TIME.
Then I went to Fantastic Furniture and was massively disappointed.
ANOTHER THING.
I'm reading this book called 'Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle' by Doreen Virtue, and she has some really good theories about how trauma survivors can fall into the cycle of being addicted to drama and chaos because it activates their energetic fight/flight response that these people have being dealing with for a long time. Because they deal with it for so long, it becomes normal, and so they need to sort of get an upper, and they do this by watching exciting action movies or thriller/horror shows.
So I thought then about how it's encouraged today to eat snacks with tv, as I have been rocking out with this whole year, and if these people are getting an adrenaline high that they associate with danger from their trauma, they'll then want comforting snacks in the form of sugary addictive cakes, creamy hormone disrupting ice creams, and chemically malformed mcdonalds burger meals etc.
It's bad enough that these people could also be abusing alcohol or drugs.
I understand that the entire world is not like this. These documentaries are based in America, so you know, but America is a really influential country that could leak it's unhealthy ways into Australia and England etc. And I understand also that documentaries are biased because they have a point to get across, but at least with these ones the people in them did their best to contact both sides of the argument for answers. Or so they show us.
The bases of the Food Inc documentary was about how most of the products in American shopping markets are made from corn because corn is such a versatile plant. It's apparently being manipulated into all sorts of products- even non-food items- and fed to cows, which is apparently horrendous because cows digestive systems are not set up for corn. But it's so cheap!
Also, according to Food Inc, there are only a handful of actual meat factories around all run by the same people who worked their way into the government positions of power so they could pass bills that disallowed the health organisation to do sanitary checks on their factories, AND THE FACT that supposed real life footage was shot that showed meat being dunked and spray-cleaned by ammonia. This is because cows are standing knee deep in their own excrement, then hoisted inhumanely by machines or scooped up and carted away in awkward and most likely painful positions in tractors, to be dumped in sheds, and killed horribly, all the while with excrement and bacteria and flies etc still on their backsides. So what was the solutions to the salmonella outbreaks that occurred years ago, multiple times, resulting in multiple deaths- some children? Not actually doing the humane thing and setting up better living conditions for these poor cows, no, it was, well the meat needs to be cleaned, so we'll clean it.
Yes.
Thanks for displaying your intelligent, mature, compassionate, well thought out decision-making skills, government. Solution: bandaid it. In other words: cover it up.
The only real situation in which this 'bandaid situation' works is basically in a bandage form, for a cut or wound that needs protection from air and invasive objects/further injury to site.
Just like this pill-popping notion our society has gotten itself into, the answer is not to cover it up, but to dig deep and find the cause of the problem, and start there.
But this is common sense! Common knowledge! This is the thinking of people who value more than money and power. The band aid solution rises out of greed, panic, and fear, and when has anything good ever come from acting out of fear?
TO BE FAIR, society does demand its moneys worth. Society, me included, would go ape shit if we couldn't have our favourite creamy, chemically treat whenever we want it at it's cheapest price. Like, we deserve it, don't we, after watching all this horrible news and dealing with shit people and situations on a daily basis.
Anyway,
My point is.
I always knew a lot of food we see is not food. It's chemicals designed to hook us in and keep us enslaved because the health industry is a boomer, which plays on the fear of people so they hand over their money because they don't know where to start, where to go, or what is true, and this isn't a recent tactic either.
But I didn't realise that I would be so effected by something that I always knew about.
I went into the shop yesterday and all I could think about was how a doctor in america was claiming yoghurt had fillers injected into it to plump it up, and then all I could see was that woman injecting fillers into this chicken and the skin puffed up right before my eyes (I mean it was on the screen so could be edited, with, like, photoshop or some advanced tech program...), and I was like BUT I WANT MY YOGHURT. I LOVE YOGHURT.
So I just bought a little ready made cup of salad and fruit, and some falafel balls with tablouleh.
Then today I only went into the shops to buy coffee as I am out entirely, and I was wandering around, suddenly aware that I hadn't eaten a proper meal, or any food, since 12 lunch because I came home and fell asleep, so I looked around and I literally stopped and almost screamed 'WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT??!!' Like, I don't want cancer, hormone issues, diabetes, food poisoning, heart issues, respiratory issues, depression, anxiety, chemical related anything diseases, BUT THAT'S ALL THERE IS.
So I've decided in my vague way that I'm going to try and grow all my own vegetables, bake my own bread, make my own almond milk and yoghurt, and somehow live entirely, all together, ON MY OWN, and fuck the fucking system.
FUCK.
And I mean I know that I could get hit by a car tomorrow and die, and float up to heaven in my silky af gown and perfectly placed halo, thinking, 'fuck sake Cerri, if only you had just eaten that delicious cancer-inducing burger, and that smoothass chocolate mousse, and XMAS PUDDING. YOU LOVE XMAS PUDDING YOU FOOL. GET BACK DOWN THERE AND BUY SOME RIGHT NOW, WITH THE REQUIRED BRANDY CUSTARD, AND EAT IT IN ALL THE MERRY JOY OF ALL THE PEOPLE TO ENJOY THINGS EVER'.
Jeez, Angel Cerri is a demanding bossy dick. But surely heaven would have those things already, if it's my heaven.
But!
Today has reminded me that life is not about food. We are CONSTANTLY bombarded with images, videos, dramatic soap operas of cooking kitchens, food adverts, places to eat at, meet friends at, have celebrations at all these food diners, it's insane. Food and spending are the literal backbone of the western society, and then they come out with 9/10 people are stressed, the other 1 are lying, 6/7 people are having heart attacks/heart issues, 193963/19 people are depressed or have anxiety and it's socially acceptable to actually have it so half are probably just dealing with daily life but over dramatising everything because the sudden expectation of anyone's life now is to be 100% perfect all the time, so why wouldn't you have one or the other? Is your life entirely perfect? It can't be, therefore you must either be stressed, depressed, anxious, neurotic, lying, on drugs, or simple.
Life is about the little things that we do for others and the fun situations we share. It sounds cliche, but it is.
I'm now extremely annoyed to walk into any supermarket, which in itself is annoying, because I know that it can't be that bad in this country, and because I used to LOVE shopping. Now I'm suspicious of everything and tired of it all.
Maybe I'm just tired. And I'm confused as to what I need to do for my body. What is true? What is just overkill, speculation, a way to get rid of the opposition?
On another note. I've been drinking a lot of lemonade lately and I've noticed a bit of acne around my jawline, so that is also annoying af.
Alright.
=End of rant=
Let's sail away on high seas in a haste kind of way, and jump into the last week of food log! Horray!
What a time it has been. ^__^
Foods I ate on Tuesday
6.30 ish am - most likely two toasts with vegemite, black coffee
8.00 - one white coffee, because I noticed I now need that second cup to perk me up >_<
10.15 - toasted butter sandwich? ohhh noo, I had a packet of light and tangy chips, and an Aero chocolate bar
half a bottle of water
1.30 ish pm - white coffee
4.30 ish - half a packet of sour cream stackers chips
Half a bottle of water
5.12 - one beef burger with the lot, onion, egg, lettuce etc
sips of water
One jumbo frozen sprite
one cup of water
Maybe the rest of the sour cream chips while watching Black Books
(I don't watch commercial tv. I have netflix)
Waters consumed
one whole bottle, some sips, one cup, one jumbo sprite
Foods I ate on Wednesday
9.00 am - two toasts with peanut butter, and I was annoyed at having no moist food. My plan was to soak oats overnight so they softened and eat them with blueberries and cinnamon but no yoghurt :(
11.00 ish - one white coffee
one water
probably some sips of water
1.00 pm ish - a falafel and tabblouleh pack, with about six little falafel balls and a big load of tabbouleh and spinach, which I ended up leaving at the parents, one white coffee
two glasses of lemon cordial
5.40 - one slice of delicious cherry ripe cake, one iced coffee, one slice of mushroom and cheese pizza, while out at a cafe with a friend.
one glass of lemonade
Waters consumed
one water (most likely a glass), some sips, two lemon cordials, one lemonade
Foods I consumed today! LAST DAY, WOOHOO!!
5.05 am - one black coffee
6.00 - two slices of bread with vegemite
one whole bottle of water
9.00 ish - a handful of jatz crackers because I was STARVING, and one banana that tasted ick
10.30 - white coffee, cup of ready cut veggies and fruit for smoothie: apple pieces, celery pieces, grapes, cucumber, lemon, kale
half a bottle of water
12.30 pm - a bowlful of chicken thai curry that was DELICIOUS, some cooked plain chicken- I KNOW I KNOW- pumpkin, carrot, zucchini, and broccoli.
sips of water
one white coffee
6.00 ish - one apricot, and one mouldy strawberry by accident. GOD DAMMIT SUPERMARKETS.
one lemonade
9.00 - one ready made meal of Lentil and Chickpea with freekeh (whatever that is), I know that can't be entirely fresh and natural and healthy, but it's like choosing the lesser of two evils.
one lemonade
Waters consumed
one and a half bottles, some sips, two lemonades
DONE.
YAY.
CONGRATS CERRI!!!
YOU PROBABLY ATE A SWEET/JUNKY THING EVERY SINGLE DAY. WELL DONE!
To be honest, this challenge activated the part of me that wanted the sweets every day and I was not interested in doing the healthy way without any junk, as much as I was really into recording all my shiz.
This month I focused more on feeding my iron deficiency, because living on only 7% of iron when the female body is supposed to have between 20-200, is THE WORST. I felt tired and faint ALL THE TIME. I actually felt like I was dying because my entire body felt horrible: tired, lethargic, faint, irritable, lack of concentration, unable to move quick, entirely and wholly sick, as if something inside my body was slowly killing me.
And it kind of was, because there was a little tiny polyp inside my endometrial cavity making me continuously bleed for about a good five months, and then about two/three months after that without any iron supplements at all, and I don't eat much meat anyway so I was almost literally out.
I know the meat industry, even if it's only in America, is a corrupt production line of abuse and ill-practise, because it's a manufacturer designed to cater for the ever-growing public needs so there's no way in hell every single factory would be operating in a proper way. Anyone who's ever worked in the real world, with retail or food, knows how fast and hard these places can be. People just choose not to think about it.
But I needed surgery to remove the polyp because my surgeon told me that the polyp will turn into endometrial cancer by the time I'm 40-50, and that's scary, especially when every other health professional was telling me most cases they don't and it's fine. So I now need as much iron as I can get as quickly as I can get so I can get off these tablets, because once again, who knows what's in them? Adding to the confusion is that since I've started my burger escapade, I've felt SO MUCH BETTER!!
So something there must be working, and I'll take it for now.
In the future I'd like to be totally sustainable and healthy getting my iron from plant bases because I still believe that meat is treated some how, in a harmful way- although I believe chips and chocolate are worse because of the sugar- and I want to limit my exposure to toxins. Natural has to be better, and if nothing else, I'd like to just try the natural vegan way to see how my body reacts.
Milk and dairy have always made my nose runny, gives me a cough, and I'm coming to think it gives me bloat, too.
And I know that there is a bigger cycle to things than just the meat and dairy industry backing cancer research that tells the public to eat meat even though studies prove they cause cancer and hormonal upsets, and that animal products are bad for us so eat these plants and sign our petitions and buy are overpriced vegan alternatives etc. The documentaries pointed out issues like over-farming to make way for cow and pig farms, cutting down of the rainforests and losing natural habitat, dead zones in the ocean where animal waste run-off just sits, ocean life becoming extinct, the greenhouse affect of our entire planet as the earth gets hotter and hotter with nowhere for the industrial/polluted/animal gases to go, civil right issues where unhygienic hog farms are located in low socio-economic areas, the whole lack of human autonomy, brainwashing, control, unfair situations caused by the government and health professionals that we are supposed to trust with out lives.
Do they not know? Or do they know but don't care?
If you go vegan because you care about how animals are treated, and you also don't want to to suffer from the chemical exposure, doesn't that mean you also think that it's wrong for the government to allow this to happen in the first place, and if it's is in such a boom, when does it stop? If you watch the documentaries and see how bad the environment is being treated just to create a single hamburger, don't you feel outraged at how big this situation really is, and sort of scared at how far it will go? It's not just 'I don't eat meat because I like cows and chickens are my friends', it's 'we all hear how they're plumping up chickens four times their normal size, while they're ALIVE, so we can eat supersized meals in a zombiefied state while destroying our entire planet, and NO ONE is moved by this?' So like, in essence, we're being told what to eat and we are being given what to eat without any say whatsoever. The people who get sick or die and try to sue/take action, are ignored, silenced, or killed.
~~ Here, have an anti-anxiety tablet.
Monday, 27 November 2017
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Day 27 is hello, I'd like to order your pumpkiniest pumpkin spiced vanilla caramel latte and finally make my presence known to such an abomination
Yes.
Hello there!
All the way from LAST WHENEVER IT WAS I THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE.
How's it going?
Ok. Let's be real. This challenge is balls up hard. The hardest of the hard. No! Harder than that! THE HARDEST.
You know what? I am FLABBERGASTED as to how much shit I eat, literally all the time. I have never once put in here 'grilled fish and steamed vegetables' or 'roast chicken with veg' or 'chicken and noodle stir-fry'.
Man.
On the other hand, my room is coming along superbly. I have almost finished sorting all my beading stuff, which is a lot of beads, and arranged all the piles of stuff I own into storage boxes so I can breathe all the calm and yen and lotus flower and water trickling through the soft supple fingers of an eighteen year old virgin.
It's amazing how a space of organised clean can leak on out into other areas of your life. Today my working shifts were also of the superb variety, and that means: flowing calmly like an oriental river, smooth, with precision, and maybe with a couple of pink cherry blossom petals floating serenely on top. I certainly did my best to look serene and pink and like I had just elegantly fallen from a really tall branch.
So, having witnessed all the adventure of the above, I realised that I need to seriously get my shit together with the food. I need to stop dallying about in the grocery store, feeling all orgasmic and nancy over the aisles of heavenly choice, the bliss of potential, and the never-ending ever-coming dreaded Receipt of Purchase.
PLAN:
1. Write out a list of the foods I actually eat. Not what I like to eat, or want to eat, or feel like eating at the time of writing. A list of foods I continuously eat all the time. Like bread and caster sugar.
2. Modify list to cut out any junk. Add in foods that I like and will actually eat if readily available (eg, cooked broccoli and salmon steaks).
3. Buy the same ingredients every shop for four shops. Just four. Not a whole month because a whole month sounds like a very long time, and you will end up doing what you are currently doing, which is NOTHING. Just four minuscule shops. Out of your entire existence. Which could end tomorrow, but you know what I mean.
4. Make a time every week to food prep. Just one day a week. Food prep. Done.
5. Eat food. Feel fabulous. Win at life.
6. Woohoo! ^_^
~So let's work backwards again!
Foods I have eaten today - Monday
5.10 am - one vegemite sandwich, black coffee
One white coffee
Two glasses of water
7 ish - one bread with marmalade because I thought I felt hungry
one glass of water
9.10 - white coffee, butter toasty, little packet of cheese and onion chips
12.15 pm - all the beef burger pieces left in the pan (probs two handfuls) with onion sauce, and some broccoli, carrot and pumpkin
one glass of water
one glass of water
3.05 - one white coffee
4.00 - one little packet of chicken chips
some bottle water
7.00 - a bowl of ice cream with ice magic >__<
Exercise I have done today
Guys, must we do this? We all know what the deal is here
Water I have consumed today
5 glasses and some bottled water
Foods I ate yesterday - Sunday
9 ish am - I think it was vegemite on toast but I can't be sure it wasn't oats with the scrapings of yoghurt, black coffee
11 ish - white coffee
Some toast in here?
12 ish pm - one roll of beef teriyaki sushi and one roll of cooked salmon sushi
3.00 ish - white coffee
one of my gluten free cupcake monstrosities made with runnyish overly-pink frosting and a dollop of deformed cream on top
6.13 - the last of the pasta napoliana
PROBABLY A LOT OF WATERS IN HERE
--- some xmas chocolates I bought earlier today that I intend to give as presents...
Exercise I have done today
Waters I have consumed yesterday
Most probably a lot
Foods I ate the day before yesterday - Saturday
6.40 ish am - scrapings of yoghurt with oats? black coffee
8.00 - one white coffee
10.00 - white coffee, butter toasty
12.30 pm - little slice of honeycomb cheesecake
water
2.30 - white coffee
4.00 ish - two butter toasts
IT'S ALL BUTTER TOAST
8.00 ish - one cupcake monstrosity that I baked today
some powerade drink
a few sips of coffee
12.14 am the next day - bowl of pasta napoliana
Food I have purchased this week
GROCERY
The ONLY receipt I can find is the one for the xmas chocolates ^__^(sweat drop here)
26/11/17 Sunday
Chocolate confectionery x4 = 7.96
TOTAL 7.96
Well.
25/11/17 Saturday (from memory)
Bread 2.99
Twisties 2.89?
Powerade drink 2.49
Fruit salad container 4.99
Cousous that I left out in the kitchen for twelve hours today.. 4.99
Icing mixture Not a clue. 2.89?
Maybe something else
TOTAL 21.24 that sounds about right
EXTRAS
2 rolls of one salmon sushi and one teriyaki beef sushi 5.60
one gigantic christmas rumball 2.80?
2x packets of chips 4.00
1 packet of cheezles 2.00
TOTAL 14.40
ALL TOGETHER
7.96 + 21.24 + 14.40 = 43.60
The food situation:
Food in my freezer:
4x frozen meals
1x soup
1x ice cream container of soup
1x quarter packet of frozen vegetables
1x slice of bacon
2x pasta salads
5 3x snack bags of frozen peas
1x quarter of puff pastry
2x fish
2x containers if cut up watermelon
6x slices of bread
Food in my fridge:
1x 3 quarters carton of milk
2 eggs
1x half a jar of jam I haven't touched for about two years
1x quarter of apple cider vinegar
1x zucchini slice
2x kiwi fruit
3x containers of cut up pineapple
1 mango
3x containers of brown rice and chickpea mixture
1x large bowl of plain brown rice
1x whole cucumber
1x three quarters of apple juice
1x punnet of strawberries
1x half loaf of bread
Food in pantry:
1x three quarters of jar of peanutshitbutter
1x half bag of brown rice
1x bottle half of olive oil
1x can of gluten free pasta sauce
1x gluten free pasta (my housemate is gf)
1x half a jar of forest berry jam
2x cloves of garlic
1 new clove of garlic
And, misc baking stuff such as: food colourings, sprinkles, gluten free flour, sugar, drinking chocolate, candy hearts etc.
1xhalf quarter pkt of weetbix
1x quarter of Robert Timms coffee
1x half a vial of ground cinnamon
1x half vegemite jar
1x three quarters beef stock powder gluten free
1x jar of pickled veg that I will not eat nor know what to do with as it was a present from my mum and no one else wants it
1x half jar or crystalised honey
1x half a freddo frog chocolate block that I will give to my parents tomorrow
1x pure green tea box
1x ginger and apple tea box
1x English Breakfast tea box
Food in basket:
2x onions that have been there for about two weeks months
1x orange
3x bananas
2x apples
2xnew unbelievably old onions
BREAKFASTS
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ one zucchini slice
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ maybe oats, maybe toast
~ two toasts with peanut butter or vegemite SLIPPIN YO ASS
~ two toasts with vegemite
~ oats with cinnamon and yoghurt OR two toasts with something
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with yoghurt and cut up mango
~ oats with yoghurt
~ oats with yoghurt
~ scrapings of yoghurt and oats
~ or was it here that I had scrapings of yoghurt with oats, or was it toast?
~ one vegemite sandwich
LUNCHES
~ some chicken kiev and pumpkin
~ half a cucumber sandwich, six dried apricots, two chocolate bars
~ two toasts with butter
~ little bowl of cut up sausages in gravy
~ hmmmmm
~ beef burger with egg, onion, cheese
~ two toasts with butter or half a vegemite sandwich
~ little bowl of pork steaks with mushroom sauce, and a piece of sponge cake
~ plain butter toasty
~ beef yiros with tomato, lettuce and hommus
~ massive bowl of pasta napoliana
~ bowl of beef burgers with onion sauce, pumpkin, carrots and broccoli
Bros, work and their meat menu is literally saving my iron-deficient ass. Power to em
~ two butter toasts
~ two sushi rolls
~ beef burgers with onion and broccoli, pumpkin and carrot
DINNERS
~ a bowl of watermelon
~ 3/4 packet of chips, a few jelly beans FUCK ME WHAT
~ a few mouthfuls of plain rice
~ two toasts with butter
~ well
~ two meat pies that were very nice
~ BenHur's burger! Yumeroo!
~ one raspberry cup and one choc mousse cup, one pringle can
~ barnacle bill fish dinner
~ ready made meal of peri peri chicken
~ salmon steak with broccoli and potato
~ one packet of cheezles?
~ bowl of napoliana pasta
~ bowl of napoliana pasta
~ ice cream and ice magic
The problem is, is that I never have a set dinner time. When I was growing up dinner was always at 6pm sharp. Obviously when I escaped the nest I rebelled hardcore, sometimes eating at gasp TEN P M. So I can't tell if my 4pm two toasts are tea, or if my 11pm feast from the gods is the actual tea.
This is my life.
SNACKS
~ toast with vegemite
~ brown rice with garlic, onion and spices
~ AND ANOTHER THING. I eat something like brown rice etc at 2pm in the afternoon which is snack time, so I record it as a snack, and then I eat watermelon at 8pm, which is tea time so I record that as tea, and so, there you have the true reason behind my madness.
~ half a cucumber sandwich
~ dried apricots
~ peas
~ jatz crackers
~ half vegemite sandwich
~ jelly
~ banana
~ yoghurt
SWEETS
~ ice cream with ice magic
~ chips
~ jelly beans
~ lemonade
~ custard and jelly bowl
~ chicken chips
~ raspberry custard cup
~ chocolate mousse cup
~ sour cream pringles
~ roses chocolates
~ canned peaches
~ ice cream with ice magic
~ round apple teacake
~ packet of cheezles
~ chocolate rum ball
~ chocolate bar
~ one packet of twisties
~ slice of honeycomb cheesecake
~ two cupcake monstrosities
~ four xmas chocolates
~ one packet of cheese chips
~ one packet of chicken chips
~ bowl of ice cream and ice magic
AMEN
Running on four hours of sleep after a ten hour day.. ANOTHER thing I must fix... U__@💖
Yes.
Hello there!
All the way from LAST WHENEVER IT WAS I THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE.
How's it going?
Ok. Let's be real. This challenge is balls up hard. The hardest of the hard. No! Harder than that! THE HARDEST.
You know what? I am FLABBERGASTED as to how much shit I eat, literally all the time. I have never once put in here 'grilled fish and steamed vegetables' or 'roast chicken with veg' or 'chicken and noodle stir-fry'.
Man.
On the other hand, my room is coming along superbly. I have almost finished sorting all my beading stuff, which is a lot of beads, and arranged all the piles of stuff I own into storage boxes so I can breathe all the calm and yen and lotus flower and water trickling through the soft supple fingers of an eighteen year old virgin.
It's amazing how a space of organised clean can leak on out into other areas of your life. Today my working shifts were also of the superb variety, and that means: flowing calmly like an oriental river, smooth, with precision, and maybe with a couple of pink cherry blossom petals floating serenely on top. I certainly did my best to look serene and pink and like I had just elegantly fallen from a really tall branch.
So, having witnessed all the adventure of the above, I realised that I need to seriously get my shit together with the food. I need to stop dallying about in the grocery store, feeling all orgasmic and nancy over the aisles of heavenly choice, the bliss of potential, and the never-ending ever-coming dreaded Receipt of Purchase.
PLAN:
1. Write out a list of the foods I actually eat. Not what I like to eat, or want to eat, or feel like eating at the time of writing. A list of foods I continuously eat all the time. Like bread and caster sugar.
2. Modify list to cut out any junk. Add in foods that I like and will actually eat if readily available (eg, cooked broccoli and salmon steaks).
3. Buy the same ingredients every shop for four shops. Just four. Not a whole month because a whole month sounds like a very long time, and you will end up doing what you are currently doing, which is NOTHING. Just four minuscule shops. Out of your entire existence. Which could end tomorrow, but you know what I mean.
4. Make a time every week to food prep. Just one day a week. Food prep. Done.
5. Eat food. Feel fabulous. Win at life.
6. Woohoo! ^_^
~So let's work backwards again!
Foods I have eaten today - Monday
5.10 am - one vegemite sandwich, black coffee
One white coffee
Two glasses of water
7 ish - one bread with marmalade because I thought I felt hungry
one glass of water
9.10 - white coffee, butter toasty, little packet of cheese and onion chips
12.15 pm - all the beef burger pieces left in the pan (probs two handfuls) with onion sauce, and some broccoli, carrot and pumpkin
one glass of water
one glass of water
3.05 - one white coffee
4.00 - one little packet of chicken chips
some bottle water
7.00 - a bowl of ice cream with ice magic >__<
Exercise I have done today
Guys, must we do this? We all know what the deal is here
Water I have consumed today
5 glasses and some bottled water
Foods I ate yesterday - Sunday
9 ish am - I think it was vegemite on toast but I can't be sure it wasn't oats with the scrapings of yoghurt, black coffee
11 ish - white coffee
Some toast in here?
12 ish pm - one roll of beef teriyaki sushi and one roll of cooked salmon sushi
3.00 ish - white coffee
one of my gluten free cupcake monstrosities made with runnyish overly-pink frosting and a dollop of deformed cream on top
6.13 - the last of the pasta napoliana
PROBABLY A LOT OF WATERS IN HERE
--- some xmas chocolates I bought earlier today that I intend to give as presents...
Waters I have consumed yesterday
Most probably a lot
Foods I ate the day before yesterday - Saturday
6.40 ish am - scrapings of yoghurt with oats? black coffee
8.00 - one white coffee
10.00 - white coffee, butter toasty
12.30 pm - little slice of honeycomb cheesecake
water
2.30 - white coffee
4.00 ish - two butter toasts
IT'S ALL BUTTER TOAST
8.00 ish - one cupcake monstrosity that I baked today
some powerade drink
a few sips of coffee
12.14 am the next day - bowl of pasta napoliana
Food I have purchased this week
GROCERY
The ONLY receipt I can find is the one for the xmas chocolates ^__^(sweat drop here)
26/11/17 Sunday
Chocolate confectionery x4 = 7.96
TOTAL 7.96
Well.
25/11/17 Saturday (from memory)
Bread 2.99
Twisties 2.89?
Powerade drink 2.49
Fruit salad container 4.99
Cousous that I left out in the kitchen for twelve hours today.. 4.99
Icing mixture Not a clue. 2.89?
Maybe something else
TOTAL 21.24 that sounds about right
EXTRAS
2 rolls of one salmon sushi and one teriyaki beef sushi 5.60
one gigantic christmas rumball 2.80?
2x packets of chips 4.00
1 packet of cheezles 2.00
TOTAL 14.40
ALL TOGETHER
7.96 + 21.24 + 14.40 = 43.60
The food situation:
Food in my freezer:
4x frozen meals
1x quarter packet of frozen vegetables
1x slice of bacon
1x quarter of puff pastry
2x fish
6x slices of bread
Food in my fridge:
1x 3 quarters carton of milk
2 eggs
1x half a jar of jam I haven't touched for about two years
1x quarter of apple cider vinegar
1x three quarters of apple juice
Food in pantry:
1x three quarters of jar of peanutshitbutter
1x half bag of brown rice
1x bottle half of olive oil
1x can of gluten free pasta sauce
1x gluten free pasta (my housemate is gf)
1x half a jar of forest berry jam
1 new clove of garlic
And, misc baking stuff such as: food colourings, sprinkles, gluten free flour, sugar, drinking chocolate, candy hearts etc.
1x
1x half vegemite jar
1x three quarters beef stock powder gluten free
1x jar of pickled veg that I will not eat nor know what to do with as it was a present from my mum and no one else wants it
1x half jar or crystalised honey
1x pure green tea box
1x English Breakfast tea box
Food in basket:
2x
BREAKFASTS
~ oats with blueberries, yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ one zucchini slice
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ maybe oats, maybe toast
~ two toasts with peanut butter or vegemite SLIPPIN YO ASS
~ two toasts with vegemite
~ oats with cinnamon and yoghurt OR two toasts with something
~ oats with yoghurt, and cinnamon
~ oats with yoghurt and cut up mango
~ oats with yoghurt
~ oats with yoghurt
~ scrapings of yoghurt and oats
~ or was it here that I had scrapings of yoghurt with oats, or was it toast?
~ one vegemite sandwich
LUNCHES
~ some chicken kiev and pumpkin
~ half a cucumber sandwich, six dried apricots, two chocolate bars
~ two toasts with butter
~ little bowl of cut up sausages in gravy
~ hmmmmm
~ beef burger with egg, onion, cheese
~ two toasts with butter or half a vegemite sandwich
~ little bowl of pork steaks with mushroom sauce, and a piece of sponge cake
~ plain butter toasty
~ beef yiros with tomato, lettuce and hommus
~ massive bowl of pasta napoliana
~ bowl of beef burgers with onion sauce, pumpkin, carrots and broccoli
Bros, work and their meat menu is literally saving my iron-deficient ass. Power to em
~ two butter toasts
~ two sushi rolls
~ beef burgers with onion and broccoli, pumpkin and carrot
DINNERS
~ a bowl of watermelon
~ 3/4 packet of chips, a few jelly beans FUCK ME WHAT
~ a few mouthfuls of plain rice
~ two toasts with butter
~ well
~ two meat pies that were very nice
~ BenHur's burger! Yumeroo!
~ one raspberry cup and one choc mousse cup, one pringle can
~ barnacle bill fish dinner
~ ready made meal of peri peri chicken
~ salmon steak with broccoli and potato
~ one packet of cheezles?
~ bowl of napoliana pasta
~ bowl of napoliana pasta
~ ice cream and ice magic
The problem is, is that I never have a set dinner time. When I was growing up dinner was always at 6pm sharp. Obviously when I escaped the nest I rebelled hardcore, sometimes eating at gasp TEN P M. So I can't tell if my 4pm two toasts are tea, or if my 11pm feast from the gods is the actual tea.
This is my life.
SNACKS
~ toast with vegemite
~ brown rice with garlic, onion and spices
~ AND ANOTHER THING. I eat something like brown rice etc at 2pm in the afternoon which is snack time, so I record it as a snack, and then I eat watermelon at 8pm, which is tea time so I record that as tea, and so, there you have the true reason behind my madness.
~ half a cucumber sandwich
~ dried apricots
~ peas
~ jatz crackers
~ half vegemite sandwich
~ jelly
~ banana
~ yoghurt
SWEETS
~ ice cream with ice magic
~ chips
~ jelly beans
~ lemonade
~ custard and jelly bowl
~ chicken chips
~ raspberry custard cup
~ chocolate mousse cup
~ sour cream pringles
~ roses chocolates
~ canned peaches
~ ice cream with ice magic
~ round apple teacake
~ packet of cheezles
~ chocolate rum ball
~ chocolate bar
~ one packet of twisties
~ slice of honeycomb cheesecake
~ two cupcake monstrosities
~ four xmas chocolates
~ one packet of cheese chips
~ one packet of chicken chips
~ bowl of ice cream and ice magic
AMEN
Running on four hours of sleep after a ten hour day.. ANOTHER thing I must fix... U__@💖
Friday, 24 November 2017
Can you wait one minute?
Day 23 & 24 has some sprinkles of success, much like the minimal amount used when adding nutmeg because who wants a fucktonne of that spice in their mouth? Play it safe people!
Or in my personal opinion, just steer clear of nutmeg altogether. Unless on pie.
Food logeroo! Come at me broo!
Foods I have eaten yesterday
LET'S SEE.
Oh my god I cannot even remember what I did yesterday.
OH yes! I saw my good friend Kristopher! Aahahahahhhhaaaaa. ^_^
9.00 ish am - cold oats with yoghurt. I'm slipping with the whole cinnamon and fruit thing. Black coffee. Am I the only person who gets really excited the night before because I'll get to have coffee in the morning? I must be. No one else is that munted.
10.40 ish - white coffee
12.12 pm ish - a small bowl of plain yoghurt
12.50 - one hot chocolate and a massive bowl of spaghetti napoliana (or some such) that I only ate a quarter of
Maybe a water in here
white coffee I think
4.49 - one massively delicious chocolate christmas rum ball because shit was going down and I was fed up, worn out, hot, tired, emotionally unstable ACTUALLY, like I spent a whopping 150 in a fit of shopping spree, and even though it was really just all of my christmas shopping in one hit done, it felt like I was unravelling at a fast speed, or more like skidding with one foot out along a patch of slippery icy road, headed straight for a massive oak tree where I would crash into a comical fashion and all the children watching would laugh.
I just needed to bite into pure chocolate. Do you know how hard it is to find GOOD chocolate cake/slice/cupcake that is actually a moist bunch of chocolate? Most of it is just stale cupcake base and some lame whipped cream, or hard chocolate icing, or not chocolatey enough, or like a donut that is not even worth mentioning, or stale slice of chocolate cake with a thin layer of hard icing on top and I mean, HOW IS ONE SUPPOSED TO LIVE in a world like this???
~
5.30 - a salmon steak with broccoli, carrot and potato. I ate all of the potato and actually didn't even tough the carrot
two glasses of water
Exercise I did yesterday
NONE. Except all that running around, oh wait, it was more like strolling through the crowds of people as if I actually one hundred per cent had no worries at all.
Waters I consumed
two glasses and some
Food I have eaten today
Back on track!
6.40 am - cold oats with yoghurt and black coffee
10.00 - one apple little round tea cake that was SO YUM. Buttered toasty, white coffee
I think I live of coffee. I just must. I don't seem to eat anything yet I look six month pregnant and only appear to drink coffee and snack on plain toast and oats daily.
WHERE ARE THE VEGETABLES??
12.33 pm - bowl of beef burgers in onion sauce, with pumpkin, carrots and broccoli.
Ahhhh, there they are.
2.10 - white coffee
3.20 - leftover spaghetti and another round apple tea cake.
RESISTED CREME BRULEE. IT SHOULD BE NOTED AND CELEBRATED BECAUSE CREME BRULEE IS MY FAVOURITE.
However, mistakenly bought cheezles- it was! I got spacey and put in 2.20 of coins, then entered 220, thinking that was the number, and it wouldn't let me press the 0 but it did drop down the packet of cheezles and for the first time in my life I was mournful at seeing them spread out before me, because all I wanted was a cool bottle of water to ease my headache. So ate them in the car, WHILST drinking the water.
And that is all.
Now I must take my iron tablet before I forget for the third day running and hit the bed at 8.35 pm because I am WIPED.
Good day to you.
💗
Or in my personal opinion, just steer clear of nutmeg altogether. Unless on pie.
Food logeroo! Come at me broo!
Foods I have eaten yesterday
LET'S SEE.
Oh my god I cannot even remember what I did yesterday.
OH yes! I saw my good friend Kristopher! Aahahahahhhhaaaaa. ^_^
9.00 ish am - cold oats with yoghurt. I'm slipping with the whole cinnamon and fruit thing. Black coffee. Am I the only person who gets really excited the night before because I'll get to have coffee in the morning? I must be. No one else is that munted.
10.40 ish - white coffee
12.12 pm ish - a small bowl of plain yoghurt
12.50 - one hot chocolate and a massive bowl of spaghetti napoliana (or some such) that I only ate a quarter of
Maybe a water in here
white coffee I think
4.49 - one massively delicious chocolate christmas rum ball because shit was going down and I was fed up, worn out, hot, tired, emotionally unstable ACTUALLY, like I spent a whopping 150 in a fit of shopping spree, and even though it was really just all of my christmas shopping in one hit done, it felt like I was unravelling at a fast speed, or more like skidding with one foot out along a patch of slippery icy road, headed straight for a massive oak tree where I would crash into a comical fashion and all the children watching would laugh.
I just needed to bite into pure chocolate. Do you know how hard it is to find GOOD chocolate cake/slice/cupcake that is actually a moist bunch of chocolate? Most of it is just stale cupcake base and some lame whipped cream, or hard chocolate icing, or not chocolatey enough, or like a donut that is not even worth mentioning, or stale slice of chocolate cake with a thin layer of hard icing on top and I mean, HOW IS ONE SUPPOSED TO LIVE in a world like this???
~
5.30 - a salmon steak with broccoli, carrot and potato. I ate all of the potato and actually didn't even tough the carrot
two glasses of water
Exercise I did yesterday
NONE. Except all that running around, oh wait, it was more like strolling through the crowds of people as if I actually one hundred per cent had no worries at all.
Waters I consumed
two glasses and some
Food I have eaten today
Back on track!
6.40 am - cold oats with yoghurt and black coffee
10.00 - one apple little round tea cake that was SO YUM. Buttered toasty, white coffee
I think I live of coffee. I just must. I don't seem to eat anything yet I look six month pregnant and only appear to drink coffee and snack on plain toast and oats daily.
WHERE ARE THE VEGETABLES??
12.33 pm - bowl of beef burgers in onion sauce, with pumpkin, carrots and broccoli.
Ahhhh, there they are.
2.10 - white coffee
3.20 - leftover spaghetti and another round apple tea cake.
RESISTED CREME BRULEE. IT SHOULD BE NOTED AND CELEBRATED BECAUSE CREME BRULEE IS MY FAVOURITE.
However, mistakenly bought cheezles- it was! I got spacey and put in 2.20 of coins, then entered 220, thinking that was the number, and it wouldn't let me press the 0 but it did drop down the packet of cheezles and for the first time in my life I was mournful at seeing them spread out before me, because all I wanted was a cool bottle of water to ease my headache. So ate them in the car, WHILST drinking the water.
And that is all.
Now I must take my iron tablet before I forget for the third day running and hit the bed at 8.35 pm because I am WIPED.
Good day to you.
💗
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