Is this on repeat?

I gathered my supplies and ventured out into the world.
What does that mean?
Ventured out into the world. Into the wild. Where things happen.
Where are the adventures? I'm not sure, but they happen, and things happen, and day by day life goes past, until you stop on the hill way up above the world and look around. And you've come so far.
~What are you doing on a hill? YOU'RE MEANT TO BE REVISING.
;)

"Where to, Arthur?" I enquired without looking at him.
I heard a sigh and stifled a retort.
"The same place we always go."
I nodded at the cold trees, "Onwards then."
We set off down the garden path and through the little gate, past the letterbox stuffed with yellow envelopes that I should probably open, and we turned left and made our way down the street.
"The stones hurt my feet," Arthur said in a matter of fact voice. I snorted and didn't reply because he had no feet.
The chilly wind rushed at us and we bowed our heads. My blue coat rustled about my legs, and I shivered.
"We're making good time," Arthur made to take out a pipe, but I kicked him and he grumbled something about 'unfair proposals' and such. I ignored him because I had seen something wonderful.
"It's a balloon!" I exclaimed, staring off into the solemn trees to our left. A red one. I scanned the area for people but there were none. "No one plays out here when it's cold," I said, thinking about children trying to play ball while rugged up in puffy winter coats and hats and mittens and scarves and earmuffs. They'd stumble and roll on their padding, let out a muffled scream of joy that no one would hear and forget about it when summer came.
"We're not padded! Let's go!" I only half-turned to Arthur as I said this because I knew he would follow me, and I dashed ahead into the trees filled with excitement.
Can it be real?
I let my feet stumble as I ran.
"WE HAVE TEA AT TWO, YOU KNOW!" I heard Arthur call indignantly, and I laughed. I laughed at him, at his silly voice and his bad habits and his punctuation.
Two doesn't always mean two, I thought. Then I wondered as I saw the balloon bobbing cheerfully at me. I wondered: What is it when it isn't two? Time has no vacancies.
I felt sad about this, but did the sensible thing and forgot about it as I skidded to a halt at the tree housing the balloon. I looked up. There it was, seemingly floating with the wind and I counted the branches in preparation. Seven.
"It's too high."
I looked down and saw Arthur glaring up at it as if I'd just told him he had to climb the tree or else be made to do the washing up every night for a month. Arthur hated housework. He always vanished and re-appeared carrying useless items, claiming he'd gone shopping, when I know he can't ride a bike.
"I'm going up and getting it, so settle down."
"Does this mean I can smoke my pipe?" He asked eagerly.
I thought about telling him no, but he did need something to occupy his time. I could be hours.
"Ok."
He beamed and immediately stuck the pipe in his mouth that made me realise he'd been holding it the whole time. What is this?
"Whatever," I said and hooked my foot on the first branch, "See you next year."
"Hilarious."
I looked up to judge the distance but only made myself dizzy. I stared at the tree bark instead, remembering that I was afraid of heights and they made me fee faint. Very clever.
Nevertheless, I gritted my teeth and started to climb. Amidst the wobbliness of my legs, and the pounding in my head that couldn't possibly be the heart in my chest, amidst my trembling hands and short breaths and constant mutters of profanities, I pressed on. I counted the branches as I went and the fear melted away. By branch four my legs had stopped wobbling and the profanities had subsided to only 'sheminopper' and 'frunknizzle'.
On branch six I dared to look up.
It was the kind of red that screams attention. It was like fire-engine red, maybe even redder, I couldn't tell. I don't study fire engines.
The thin silver ribbon was caught on a little twig. I thought how profound that was. Sometimes in life it is the smallest thing that makes the biggest difference; the smallest thing that changes your direction, breaks your back, makes you smile brightest and leaves you feeling like life is magical.
I guess I loved this twig, in a way.
"Stop thinking stupid thoughts and hurry up!" Arthur shouted making me jolt and I felt my foot slide on the branch.
I gripped the tree tighter and yelled back: "Shut up!" Then I reached out and snatched the ribbon. I felt triumphant as it came free.
"I HAVE IT!" I screamed. I heard a loud noise but didn't look down. Gripping it tightly I made my way down the tree, much quicker then going up, and I jumped the last two branches in smug confidence landing next to Arthur.
"You owe me a new pipe."
"What?" I stared at him, unsure how to take such hostility towards my successful venture. He moved and I saw that he had somehow sat on it.
"Arthur," I said dismally, "This isn't the time." And I smiled the brightest smile I had ever smiled, positively beaming at him.
"You're an egg," he said.
"No," I turned and studied my balloon fondly, "I'm an egg in love with a balloon." Because that's what it was, this great feeling, it was love. The balloon swayed peacefully.
"Right on," Arthur said, trying to sound hip with the times, and he made the peace sign for no reason. Then he glanced at his watch, "Shall we go then?"
"Yes, we shall."
"Thank fuck."
I don't think Arthur likes adventures.
-_-

Did I use the last toilet roll?

Today I tried to find my brain.
~Your brain? Isn't it in your head?
Just go with me...
So I did. I wandered out of my house, very early because I wanted to beat Time at it's own game, and I slowly made my way down the street to a little park, and I followed the winding dirt path into the trees.
I kept an eye out as I wandered past flower bushes and stray prams, and I also kept an ear out because you never know what your brain might sound like. It might be humming slightly, or making weird hiccoughing noises, or even screaming out your name. You just don't know.
Odd thoughts zoomed into my mind while I took this walk. Thoughts like: 'Where did you put your bread this morning?' and 'Do you have enough clean underwear?' and 'Why can't you have a tea party on a cloud?' 'or make could clothing?' 'or live life like a cloud?'
REALLY? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT?
A woman appeared then, while I was trying to figure out what I was doing arguing with myself and who was winning. She appeared a short distance away, leaning against a tree, and I'm sure she didn't just appear, but I'd eaten a lot of that milo cereal that I don't normally eat and perhaps the chocolate overload was playing around with my eyesight? I like to keep an open mind.
So she was standing by a tree, and I slowed down so as not to startle her with my brilliance so early in the morning.
"I have something for you," the woman said suddenly, and I jumped and looked behind me because I had been feeling like a ghost from a different time and thought that she could see right through me.
"Can you see me?" I asked in awe.
She didn't reply, and I felt rather ignored for someone so apparently visible, and I contemplated in the short space of two seconds about just walking past her and playing it cool, but I realised it would be rude to turn away a free gift.
"I will," I said unnecessarily and walked towards her.
This woman looked like a goddess from another realm, and it wasn't just the glowing orb of light surrounding her entire body or the fact that her skin was a faint green colour or even the sight of her body floating three feet above the ground. It was the little flesh-looking tag sticking out of her neck that read: property of the Other Realm.
"Is there really another realm?" I asked excitedly.
The woman ignored me and held out a little purple bottle with some type of label on it, and I said "I've been down the hole, it really wasn't for me," while thinking that I better not insult this kind soul by telling her that the realm was as boring as watching goblins prune their toenails.
"I do not seek your words. I command."
Well, fair enough.
I took the little bottle and read the label. "Prune Juice?"
She nodded slowly while looking into my eyes, as if we were having a romantic moment.
"I really prefer grape," I said politely as the Other Realm woman said, "It is best to be on time."
And I had no fucking idea what that meant, so I thanked her with my usual 'Cheers', slugged the  whole bottle in one gulp, threw it into the trees and went back home.
+
Life is great when you have a mate

Why do my shoes laugh at me?

I started flying way up high,
watching as the world went by,
it's not important any more,
these things that are that I wish you saw.
And like a haze is a haze,
and like I wander through the days
all the meaning slips away
And if it's all a disguise,
that leaves them wondering why,
why can't they see it through my eyes?
But up I soar and so far I soar,
all those little things that I ignore,
playing with shadows and hoping for
a big surprise,
something bright,
a glittering light,
or a bigger stick
to latch it up quick
so the bird wont escape,
and I wont have to play
in it's little game,
as it tries
to give me the slip.
>thisoneatemymittens

Life is fast, and I often feel like I'm either waiting for something or wishing I was waiting. I now know how to set tables like a pro, pour wine, carry and serve plates, make eight types of coffee and a few types of alcoholic drinks, and a little something about olives.
I feel rather full of myself. ^_^
It's all very exciting and new, and my various jobs are also in different stages of newness and enthrallment.
This is my latest musing:

 

He was all 'I want a hat' and I was all 'slow your roll, I haven't finished your eyes..'

Monsters are demanding little shits. Then he made me take five thousand photos and used up all my memory, and I wasn't angry at all because he looked at me with his cute face and massive grin, and I thought, 'just give the little guy a hug and spam your computer'.

>Yes, I believe in miracles. I also believe in robots.

(4_--)

Which way is back?

Today I bought a paintable gnome. Too much?
It was love at first sight and I really did have to stop myself buying the whole stock. I walked out with my heart pounding and my brain screaming that I must have been drugged.
One does not go into a store and simply find a gnome to paint. It's the stuff of legend.
Anyway,
My world is full of changing clothes, mandarins, cold mornings, toothpaste and mirrors, being told to 'stop running', losing pens, resetting the radio, and blocks of time.
My personal mascot would be the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. I'd be all 'Hey man, just give me a push, yeah?'
And he'd totally kick me down the rabbit hole, and I'd fall serenely down past melting clocks, upside-down chairs, portraits without faces and teapots pouring their own tea into teacups. Because they can.
And then I'd land straight onto a throne seated at an unrealistically long table. I'd ignore the teapot, because no one needs tea when they've just been shoved down a hole, and delicately nibble on a fortune biscuit telling me that I'm going the 'Wrong Way', or I came the 'Wrong Way', or did something that I thought to be right in the Wrong Way. Well, jeez, I'm just a girl trying to eat a biscuit.
Then I'll drink from a glass bottle that says 'Go Back', and I'll think, hey, there's a man over there wearing a top hat.
"Why, hello there," the man with the top hat will call across the table, grinning like he's planning something evil. But I won't be able to tell because the rabbit stole my glasses to read his gigantic watch that he has to carry around on his back.
"Sorry?" I'd yell, "I'm quite deaf without my glasses."
And the man wearing the top hat wont even have the decency to realise that it's impossible for glasses to help you hear.
"Actually, it's not quite."
I'll jump at the voice next to my ear, and spin around to find the Cheshire cat wearing a mind-boggling ear-eye contraption where the lenses are somehow at his ears and there's lots of frame going on.
I'll also be mildly appalled at his pinstriped two-tone purple suit.
"Why in the name-"
"It's to prevent confusion," the Cheshire cat will interrupt wickedly, and smile with all his teeth while pulling at a stray whisker.
"Come!" the man with the top hat will clap his hands suddenly and I'll feel suspicious and full of biscuit, and also rather like growing really tall, if only I could find something that would help me do this.
"Let's have a tea party!" the man with the hat will declare with open arms.
"Let's!" the Cheshire cat will scream in agreement.
Then they'll turn to me, but I would have fallen asleep out of boredom and everyone in Wonderland knows it's a terrible shame to wake someone once asleep, so they'll pile plates and tea saucers on top of my head that will balance like a tower, perfectly precarious, just as if held up by magic.
Which they are.
n__n

How many house elves does it take to make a cup of tea?

Are these all the carrots I have? I think to myself.
'Chop them in bigger pieces or else they wont cook properly!' The annoying fairy shrieks while sitting on my shoulder as if she owns that part of my body. Cheers.
'And don't forget to stir the rice!' she squeals again, 'crying while cutting onions? GOOD, you planted them all over my sisters house, and she had to move back in with her second cousin, and we all know how they get on...'
I grit my teeth. Throw her in the pot? I ponder, and then I contemplate fairy murder, and think about the consequences- which could be brutal and alarming, but also possibly quite entertaining- and I feel my arm twitch.
~I have no fairy logic.
'We have no logic.' The fairy says serenely, swinging her feet and bobbing her head about so the blue hat sways precariously on top of her head, rather like how an owl would sway on top of a branch during a frightful windy night.
I ask  her if she can read my mind. She just grins at me. Against all my good intentions, I feel my arm twitch again.
Here's something I prepared earlier:

NEVER LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR SPARKLE.
Today I:
+ Walked a thousand miles to my house because I thought I could. And I did, so that worked out well.

+ Caramelised my onion on one side only for no apparent reason.

+ Made two bracelets while watching The Bloodhound Gang sing in a public toilet.

+ Cleaned my room with so much enthusiasm that I felt like a criminal and took a nap.
The fairy on my shoulder glares at me, 'No you didn't, I did that!'
-You did not!
'I did! And I cleaned your shoes with that special powder!'
-You poured cornflour in them and made a sandcastle.
'And put it on the internet! I'm famous now.' And the fairy sitting on my shoulder then whips out an iPhone and starts pressing buttons furiously as if she really does know what she's doing. I choke on a piece of raw carrot in shock.
*
A secret organisation at the back of my fridge turns everything to ice. I'm not sure how I feel about this, as I already have star-shaped ice cubes, and this appearance of non-star-shaped ice is testing my beliefs about how ice should be formed.
Yes, I'm that person.
And in the time it takes to be that person, my dinner has cooked itself and arranged all it's contents on the table ready for me to tuck in.
'THAT WAS ME!'
I feel like a very small something is glaring at my back...
If you don't hear from me again it's because I'm being held hostage in the faery realm; forced to wear silk gowns and laze about in flowered gardens, listening to harp music and laughing at all the gnomes attempts to chat me up!!
~Sorry, did I say hostage? I meant voluntarily went to heaven..
Don't vote for the crazy ones.

Am I only on my second?

THIS IS ALL I WANT IN LIFE:

 

 



~I'm not obsessed, I'm just optimistically defying life's realities.
Once, I had a magical night filled with gnomes and singing and drinking beer. Once, I saw a gnome jiggy his leg to the beat. Once, I almost broke the toilet roll dispenser.
Once, it all made sense.
Then the lights got brighter, and the tastes got sharper and the world seemed to yell out intrusive instructions.
~Just play along.
0_--
On a more relatable level, I now want to play guitar and sing in dimly lit rooms. I'd like to be able to toast people when the occasion calls for it with purple liquid in tall, gold-rimmed champagne flutes, like it means something- and it doesn't matter if what I say doesn't mean anything because people will be too mesmerised by the gold and the purple, and they'll wonder what exactly the purple liquid is while simultaneously questioning their safety.
And I'll feel a little disheartened by this.
Do I not look trustworthy?
~My pet Dragon says I look like I need a back massage, but he wont give me one. He says he'll compromise and just breathe fire onto my feet. And I point out, in a kind fashion like I always do, that this would burn my feet to a crisp, and although it's a tremendously kind display of friendship, I need my feet.
He frowns and tells me where he'll breathe next if I don't shut up.
What a loser!
~~~~~ [I'm now running really fast and typing, and I feel grateful that I made him eat 'grow' marshmallows and that he's now so very fat he can hardly fit through any of my doorways. YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR ELEVEN AND A QUARTER HOURS BEFORE YOU CAN CATCH ME! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR EATING EVERYTHING I GIVE YOU!]
And really, who is the victim here?

 

Where are my thongs?

"Todaaaay is gonna be the day that I really try at life.."
I sang to myself.
'Really?' I answered.
'Why yes,' I replied with dignity as I lifted the teacup to my lips, 'It really is.'
And then I had a full on conversation with myself, contemplating how I really could try at life, and how I really do sound dignified when I hold teacups, and maybe I should hold teacups more often, and why on earth am I drinking tea when I'm a fucking coffee addict? And it continued on in this exhausting vein for some time before I realised I was late for work.
Or did it?
This is Pancake Love at my house:

This is my closest friend and housemate showing lopsided peace innovatively, and this is me, here and now, declaring unconditional love to my media drive.
I LOVE YOU MEDIA DRIVE BECAUSE YOU WORK AND LET ME STEAL MY PICTURES, WHICH ISN'T TECHNICALLY CLASSIFIED AS STEALING BECAUSE THEY'RE MINE, ALTHOUGH I HAVE DISPLAYED WHAT COULD BE MULTIPLE-PERSONALITY DISORDER, SO I COULD ACTUALLY BE STEALING FROM ONE OF ME, WHICH IS COOL, COZ I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH THAT.
~It happens.
My Day In Songs:

>Where is my mind- Pixies

>Candyman- AQUA

>Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss- Bloodhound Gang

>Story of us- Taylor Swift

>My Cat- Jack off Jill

And there was dancing. Because I dance when no one's watching, like no one's watching, like I'm the only one alive and like the world is ending. For some reason I always end up dancing in the kitchen.
$_$
My hospitality course is AMAZING. We all were instructed to make shots of espresso, and I happily complied, and there was much watching coffee being dribbled into pixie-sized cups and throwing of this coffee down the drain and then we were all told to make a shot of coffee and drink it. And I was all OHMYGODDOYOUMEANITISITMYBIRTHDAYOHMYGODI'MDRINKINGREALCOFFEE and it tasted like shit.
I really liked the noise my shoes made while I hurried professionally up and down the simulated 'café counter'. And the smell was astronomical.
Today I was unintentionally witty while conversing with the ladies, and I must say, I rather impressed myself. If only it happened on a continuous basis and it was intentional, I could be onto something here, which beats being off the something that I am apparently at now.
Yeahhhh...
Peace Out Man! Drive safe! (^_^)v