Which way is back?

Today I bought a paintable gnome. Too much?
It was love at first sight and I really did have to stop myself buying the whole stock. I walked out with my heart pounding and my brain screaming that I must have been drugged.
One does not go into a store and simply find a gnome to paint. It's the stuff of legend.
Anyway,
My world is full of changing clothes, mandarins, cold mornings, toothpaste and mirrors, being told to 'stop running', losing pens, resetting the radio, and blocks of time.
My personal mascot would be the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. I'd be all 'Hey man, just give me a push, yeah?'
And he'd totally kick me down the rabbit hole, and I'd fall serenely down past melting clocks, upside-down chairs, portraits without faces and teapots pouring their own tea into teacups. Because they can.
And then I'd land straight onto a throne seated at an unrealistically long table. I'd ignore the teapot, because no one needs tea when they've just been shoved down a hole, and delicately nibble on a fortune biscuit telling me that I'm going the 'Wrong Way', or I came the 'Wrong Way', or did something that I thought to be right in the Wrong Way. Well, jeez, I'm just a girl trying to eat a biscuit.
Then I'll drink from a glass bottle that says 'Go Back', and I'll think, hey, there's a man over there wearing a top hat.
"Why, hello there," the man with the top hat will call across the table, grinning like he's planning something evil. But I won't be able to tell because the rabbit stole my glasses to read his gigantic watch that he has to carry around on his back.
"Sorry?" I'd yell, "I'm quite deaf without my glasses."
And the man wearing the top hat wont even have the decency to realise that it's impossible for glasses to help you hear.
"Actually, it's not quite."
I'll jump at the voice next to my ear, and spin around to find the Cheshire cat wearing a mind-boggling ear-eye contraption where the lenses are somehow at his ears and there's lots of frame going on.
I'll also be mildly appalled at his pinstriped two-tone purple suit.
"Why in the name-"
"It's to prevent confusion," the Cheshire cat will interrupt wickedly, and smile with all his teeth while pulling at a stray whisker.
"Come!" the man with the top hat will clap his hands suddenly and I'll feel suspicious and full of biscuit, and also rather like growing really tall, if only I could find something that would help me do this.
"Let's have a tea party!" the man with the hat will declare with open arms.
"Let's!" the Cheshire cat will scream in agreement.
Then they'll turn to me, but I would have fallen asleep out of boredom and everyone in Wonderland knows it's a terrible shame to wake someone once asleep, so they'll pile plates and tea saucers on top of my head that will balance like a tower, perfectly precarious, just as if held up by magic.
Which they are.
n__n