I thought to myself: 'It seems like I spent the entire day inside a bubble, and even though I drove around and made myself food and held conversations like a normal human being, I still had the feeling that I was a blurry version of this girl called Cerri'.
"Sorry," I said, as I bumped into an elderly man sitting on the bus. "It's this bubble."
He looked at the transparent but slightly shiny orb encasing my body and replied with some concern: "Clearly," and he eased himself up out of the isle seat and limped over to the window seat.
I felt horrible, of course, for forcing this man to sit by the window, but not as much as one would expect because this bubble dulls my emotional response factor.
"Is it painful?" the man enquired while I tried to squeeze myself in between the seat and drivers wall.
"Not really. But sometimes my elbows bang into the sides." I managed to stick myself in place quite nicely and turned my attention to the elderly man, who was wearing a grey suit and two dark green ties.
The man saw me looking and pulled a grumbly face, "You can ask me about them," he muttered, "and I would only tell you that my wife didn't agree with me on the colour."
I nodded to show appreciation of this rare fact, "What colour did you want?"
He glared up at me, but not in a mean, threatening way; in a way that only grumpy elderly men can, and he said, "Lime green!" very loudly.
I blinked. "That's a perfectly reasonable colour for a tie."
"It is, see? It is. But not for that old bat. Sleeps in a cave half her time, living on soaked beans and soap operas!"
Sensing that this could turn ugly, or alarmingly boring, I quickly made some soothing noises and changed the topic to sports. "I hear the Tennis is quite a game this year."
The man focused his softening eyes on me, "Men wearing those shorts that ride into their crotch, eh? Not on my watch."
"Mmm," I agreed, although who could deny a fine man in tight attire? "I've oft-"
"How do you get anything done, in that bubble of yours?" The elderly man interrupted without a hint of apology. He studied the shiny outer layer, his face lit up with curiosity and his fingers drumming his knee as if he wanted to touch it.
I smiled at him, "I'll let you touch it if you tell my why you're wearing two ties at once."
"Girly, I believe we have a deal," and he stuck his hand out for a moment, forgetting that I couldn't possibly shake it.
"Ok," I said, and I moved my shoulders a little so I could look this delightful man in the eye. He tilted his chin upwards and waited. "I roll."
"Eh?" the man scrunched his face up, and I couldn't blame him for his reaction to such a disappointing answer.
"Yes," I replied kindly, "It is a debacle-"
"But you can't do everything by just rolling!" the man exclaimed and then belched.
I turned away at this preposterous accusation and tried to find an interesting sign to read. Unfortunately public transport is limited, so I was staring at a poster exclaiming that a red fingernail will help drivers focus when the elderly man said: "Can you?!" in a rather harsh tone, as if I'd just declared that I would be transporting him to Mars.
"Hmm?"
"Go on then," he leaned closer to me, "Tell me."
"I'm sorry, that is the only way I do anything."
The elderly man glared at me, in the mean way this time, and I wondered how the truth could invite such enmity so I said: "Now onwards with your answer," and I smiled with all my teeth, which probably wasn't the best idea considering how white and blinding they are.
"Not a chance!" the elderly man all but shouted.
"Oh," I said, "I thought we had a deal."
"Oh we had a deal, alright," and I noticed he was moving about.
I turned to watch out the front of the bus, knocking my elbows but ignoring this. Someone pressed the button and when the sound faded away I realised the elderly man was muttering under his breath.
I considered elderly men and deals. I thought about honour and ties. I questioned whether lime green really was an appropriate colour for a tie.
Then I felt something bump into me.
"Are-" I turned and caught sight of the elderly man kicking at my bubble.
"Do pardon your intrusion!" I cried.
The elderly man kicked my bubble again and sent me rolling awkwardly out into the isle as the bus began slowing. "The intrusion's all mine, lassie!" he called out. I almost certainly heard a cackle as he did this.
"I demand you stop at once!" I exclaimed, "This bubble is expensive!"
The bus stopped and the elderly man lashed out again with frightening strength. I stumbled and tripped as my bubble rolled past the driver and to the top of the bus steps. I could see the trees blowing in the wind, and I must say, I was momentarily anxious at the thought of being pushed out into the gale and rolling forever. Rolling really isn't my thing.
"A tip to ya, lying lassie: a cold wind is always much stronger than the warm!"
And then, with one final lifting of his skinny leg, and as I tried in vain to count all the little hairs that sat upon it, the elderly man kicked me down the four little steps and out into the street.
...just one more cup of coffee before I go
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