Does this come with extra cheese?

Day 8 & 9

This challenge.... *Insert panda smashing computer keyboard GIF here*
My life atm... *Insert whatever GIF you feel like here*
Who knows anymore.

So day 7 was the only day on this challenge so far where I spent nothing, and I don't even think I was that proud. Although I think I also spent nothing on day 1.
Then, a very tragic thing happened yesterday early in the morning (day 8) and I worked a literal 12 hour shift after about three hours of broken sleep, so all day I wanted to either float freely and sing magical songs with the fairies while also rip out all the pretty, smug flowers from the ground and stomp on them real hard with pointy-bottomed shoes.
I wanted to kick a lot of things. And I also wanted to say things like 'love is all around' and 'peace brother', 'tranquility', 'have you seen where I left my pen?'

It was all of that an much more.

It was cloudy and cold, yet sunny and calm. It was blinking really fast to stay awake and moving at 100000 rpm kmp etc per second, it was probably having a micro sleep in those really fast blinking times, and it was smiling really slowly while wondering how a whole tray full of crockery was suddenly clean and in the cupboard.

It was most likely 900 % unsafe, but we live in a temporary, hazardous world so are we ever truly 100000000 % safe?

I bought petrol at 30, and then I bought one of my connoisseur ice creams at 4.51. For whatever reason I thought they were still 3 dollars something and I made my point thoroughly clear by telling the young cashier about my dream where they were 'like, only, one dollar'.
He seemed impressed.
Earlier that day I bought two kitkat chocolate bars, one dark and one regular, for only $1 each because they sell them cheap at the Volunteer stand at work. I didn't like the dark chocolate one but I ate it all anyway.

After wobbling around during my last two hour shift I was tailgated on the expressway before being rightfully harassed by the tailgating car. He (or she, but men seem to be more aggressive in my experience) finally got sick of driving right up my behind, changed lanes, got in front of me, to which I was thinking 'power to ye, fellow driver' (but was really thinking 'wtf is wrong with people? Go around where there is room and continue to drive, moron'), and THEN proceeded to slow down to a cool 80, which I was already doing. I was like: 'dude bro, I can hardly see straight and my legs feel like jelly on account of the past week with the little sleep I've had being broken and the current stress of my levels being roof-shot, so CAN we PLEASE just do the normal driving thing where you notice someone going slow, yell at them in the safety of your car, and then drive on by to your destination? Cheers, and good day'.
Well he kept up the slowest speed yet to be witnessed in the fast lane until getting bored and zooming off into the moonlit sky.
I zigzagged my way off the expressway and down the roads, came upon a screaming ambulance also going my way, cracked my shit thinking 'I reals fo' sho' hope that's not headed to my house', but realised there was a fire somewhere close by and screeched into my driveway full of despair and mild amusement.
Passed out in my food-smelling work clothes and thought 'Hey! Normalcy returns!'
Woke up at midnight positively STARVING and *Insert moderately angry white kid smashing things with a bad haircut* thought 'WHY AM I DOING THIS FREAKING CHALLENGE FOR??'
Legged it to the nearest service station going over my budget, and money situation, and trying to think of deals, cheap products, what I actually needed (bread and yoghurt) besides what I wanted (all the food in the shop), while also remembering the chocolates earlier and feeling an emotion akin to 'try and save the day, try and save the day, but you've basically ruined it already, so can you save the day?'
And I could.
I bought bread at 3.49, which is only 49c more than the supermarkets normally have it for, and then passed through a Hungry Jacks with $1 medium fries (they upgraded to large because I had to wait for so long in drive thru, and I thought 'oh, is that was I was doing?') and $1 small onion rings because I REFUSE to eat fast food meat. I'd rather just go to the highway and scrape off roadkill, fry it, slap it in a sandwich and call it a day.
So that came to 5.49.

I don't think I'm doing too bad. I have yet to weep uncontrollably while muttering things like 'the milk was two dollars yesterday' and 'who knew microwaves were so powerful?', so I believe it to be mildly successful, HOWEVER, I'm really disheartened about the lame 19.20 budget. It's just so hard to stick to! All the good food IS 19.20 at best, at least all the supposedly healthy food that we're being told to eat is, and there comes a time in one's life when they have to sit down on a comfortably soft couch chair, maybe drape a fuzzy blanket over their legs, reach for the strongly brewed hard-as-shit mother of a coffee, and say to no-one in particular: 'I'm just not good at making plans'.
Perhaps diving head-first into a challenge just isn't for me. I'm not One with the food lists, or the shopping for purpose, or the 19.20 life. Perhaps I'm more for a 4.20 life, and just don't know it.
Whatever the case, I have decided to REWRITE THIS LAMEASS BUDGET.
I have decided to amp it up to 20.00.
HA!
Not really.
What a cracker, like, just shoot me now.

I really need my 40.00 a week. I just NEED IT. And once I have that whole number to work with, I can easily save some of it without the ever-present feeling of doom hanging over my head whenever I partake in my usually calming, rejuvenating, pleasurable experience that is shopping for the grocery.
I am someone who really does enjoy grocery shopping. It's one of those things where I can buy whatever I want while also sticking to a budget and, I dunno, but walking up and down dem aisles, looking at the orderly rows of shelving products, fruit stands, freezer meals... it literally gives me some sort of high.
All the other people out there are yelling: 'IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO SHELTERED!' 'GET A REAL HOBBY!' 'LOOK DOWN NEAR THE TOMATO SAUCES, THE CANS ARE HALF PRICE!'

Either way, I really love food shopping. *Insert heart emoji*

I know 💓
Well fuck me dead. You CAN insert emojis.
(I knew this. A long, long time ago I knew it all, but over the years my brain has leaked out all of the really important information and kept stuff like: 'It is unsafe to leave a heater on when you leave the house for long periods of time' and 'keep your hand in a fist when drowning otherwise everyone will think you're waving at them and wave back').

So, I know that, for me, 40.00 seems like a LOT of money every week, but I also know that I don't have to spend it all and that gives me a greater sense of accomplishment than trying to squeeze out a zest-filled life on canned beans, plain rice, and only one type of fruit for four weeks.

Although, now that I've made peace with my new budget, I feel a(nother) sense of loss and a determined 'You can live off 19.20! Don't give up now!'

Things in my life at the moment:
~ Jennifer Lawrence
~ Pinterest
~ Smeared food on the arm
~ Needing to pee, forgetting, then remembering an hour later and having the feeling return with even greater force
~ Apples
~ Big black handwriting on small lined paper
~ Repeating the phrase 'Yeah, I'll get to that when I've had some time to sort other stuff out'
~ Looking at the time and thinking 'Is that all?' 'Why is it so fast?' 'FUCK ME slow down' 'Just wasted another five minutes walking somewhere, when will they invent electric shoes?'


In 900 years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important before

How long until I can open my eyes?

Day 7
A week has past and I am still alive, in human form, and craving the moist foods more than ever!
One whole week without spending a single thing!!
*Cough.
Yes. Well.
Ahem.
>__<

Also, it's been a week without my mountainous mountains of toast, and I just realised this, today, so that just shows how observant I am.
Ok! The first week on this challenge has literally been like any other week except I have worried more over spending and apparently eaten less. I actually think I'm losing weight.
Whether it's due to my apparent disinterest in food, maybe because I don't see any I like and so don't bother to eat it (I've had two frozen meals of weird looking chicken in a mustardy sauce that I'm sure tastes DELICIOUS sitting in the fridge for the whole week but I just can't make myself eat it- however I did take one of them to work in a bowl. I lugged it there in a carry bag, sat it in the fridge for the whole double shift, and then hauled it right back home again, stressing the whole way that it would tip in the car and spill it's weird mustard sauce all over my car floor), or whether it's due to the fact that I subconsciously spend a shit tonne of money somehow on random groceries everyday, the fact still remains: there is edible food in my fridge yet I feel hungry and thinner than last week.
How is this even possible?
Today I spent a great deal of energy pulling my pants up.
I've often had a theory that peoples round tummies are due to constant eating without giving their digestion time to process it all and rest in between.
Anyhow, I noticed that I experienced a few headaches over the week and wondered if it was from the extreme use of heaters causing dehydration, overworking causing exhaustion, or just general everyday stress such as: 'Are my eyebrowse really that shape?' 'Is there a way to make these sleeves longer without any effort on my part?' and 'Holy Mackeral! Three hours past my bedtime, but I really must scroll another five minutes on Pinterest'.
You know, the really important ones.
Dayum son, Pinterest is GOD. Literal God in computer app form.

Now, the weight loss was not my intention and I must say that I believe it's a combination of working more double shifts in the past month as well as eating less overall. So I must keep an eye on that.
I also need to keep an eye on my sleeping patterns, because, FUUUUUUCK ME have I been sleeping rough. Just last night I woke up around six times, then one hour before my alarm, slept-walked over to my bedroom light, turned it on, and went back to bed, only to wake up around every 15-20 minutes until my alarm, then I lay in bed for 6 minutes after that. The night before I had that 'wake-up-in-the-dream-to-a-giant-spider-on-my-wall' dream. The one which I have every year or so, where I wake up in my dream and everything in my room is how it is in real life, and in the darkness I have really great vision so I can see things clearer and brighter. Immediately I notice a MONSTROUS black spider somewhere along any one of my walls- and once I even 'saw' a giant spider run behind one of my cabinets- and I usually either yell really loudly and then leap up to switch my light on, or I just leap up and switch the light on then wake up yelling.
I have yet to figure out what these dreams mean, but I hope it's good luck or some other ancient form of wisdom granted in my favour. ^__0v

Ok! Now for the fun part: tallying up the food to see what I have left for this next week.

Food in my freezer:
   3x frozen meals
1 2x soup
   1x ice cream container of soup
   1x tub of actual ice cream
   1x half packet of berries
   1x quarter packet of frozen vegetables
   1x custard and carrot cake
0 6x 2 slices of bread, wrapped individually

Food in my fridge:
0 1x half carton of eggs
   1x half quarter carton of milk
0 2x 2 slices of bread, wrapped individually
   a container of half cucumber, half tomato, half avocado, three quarters of a block of cheese OMG I STILL HAVE CHEESE LEFT!!!
0 1x avocado
0  2x tomatoes
2 1x three quarter bag of carrots
   1x half a jar of jam I haven't touched for about two years
   2x bottles of food colouring
   1x half a container of orange juice that I haven't touched in about one month

Food in pantry:
   1x container of oats
0 1x half a packet of jatz crackers
   1x whole bag unopened of brown rice
   1x can of spicy tuna
   1x can of kippers (god knows what they are, but I guess I'll find out!)
   1x bottle half of olive oil
   1x can of gluten free pasta sauce
   1x gluten free pasta (my housemate is gf)
   2x jars of spring water tuna
   1x  half a jar of forest berry jam
   2x cloves of garlic
0 1x half a packet of oreo biscuits >_<
0 1x half packet of m&ms
   1x half quarter packet of pineapple chews THEY'RE JUST SO BAD, EVERY TIME.
   And, misc baking stuff such as: food colourings, sprinkles, gluten free flour, sugar, drinking chocolate, candy hearts etc.

Food in basket:
   2x onions that have been there for about two weeks
0 5x bananas
0 1x kiwi fruit that has been there for one or two weeks
0 2x mandarins

So as you can see, I've eaten a lot of bread and frozen meals. I was lucky enough to go shopping before the challenge started, by pure spontaneous whim on a rainy evening when bored and feeling like doing the healthy life thing, which is where some of the more healthy vegetables came from.

This week I believe I have some fatastical budget thing worked out!
*Cringes. *Reaches shakily into Pineapple Chew packet. (Just this one last time, I promise). BUT DO I EVER THROW THE PINEAPPLES OUT?? NO. Why not? Because the first one is just so darn good. And then from that very first moreish bite, it gets worse, and worse, and the slope steepens until all that is left is this one gigantic vertical platform that you regret getting on so all you do is hold on to your unicycle real tight and close your eyes... (Maybe don't do that with the chews though, Cerri! You might miss your mouth and get it in your eye! And you need those!)

I have paid all my important bills and rent and mortgage doodads and when I get the urge to fill up my petrol tank next (probably tomorrow or Saturday), I will take out the 60 for petrol and use 30 for the next seven days. However, my Peterbae lives like on the other side of the planet, and as such, if I want squishy cuddle time I must either catch a plane for six thousand hours to his house or he must sail dangerous high seas at weeks on end to get to mine, and as you can imagine, it's not always in our physical best interest to be lost at sea battling gigantic Krackens or using up entire years worth of flyer points to sit and read three dusty old novels over and over because there is a strict carry-on weight limit.
Yes, there is a limit. I have once paid the price of stuffing every book I own (or maybe just 8) along with my lap-top, two folders, pencil case, paintable gnome, and toiletry bag into one backpack.
And I did not care one bit.

SO MY POINT IS!
There may be more ramble postings about how I went over my spend limit just because I didn't want to lose a limb or go mad from redundant repetition.
And with that, I bid you a cheerio!
Much of the tipping of hats to you, and to me, for making it this far.
Full speed ahead to the next week!
You got this!
       
     *@*
      >];<
 &__[_&
   \____/  

Where is my walking stick?

Day 6

(Only day six! It feels like forever! For ever, and ever, and possibly more evers than that... all the evers, shiny and new and packed in little brown boxes ready to be dispatched with haste and precision. 'Hold on!' calls the box-checker on duty ((he's very tired and fighting with his wife over how much tomato sauce really need to be on sausage rolls (((he's voting for as much sauce as edibly possible))), 'This is ALL the Evers!'

'Yessir!' another worker (this one small and balding although only twenty-four, and trying hard not to think about the new pair of brown boots he's going to be purchasing this afternoon when his shift finishes) squeaks from the back room. He bustles in and stands with his hands behind his straight back. 'That's the order, sir! All the Evers there ever is, to go straight to Santurbry Way, this lunchtime!'

'But that's absurd!' exclaims the box-checker. 'Who could want this many Evers? What about all the other customers?'

'Oh, well...' the balding worker's brilliant smile vanishes quickly as he thinks this through.

'Won't they need their Ever orders delivered, too?' he continues condescendingly.

'Oh, I-'

'Are you going to deny already-paying customers their right to our products? And deny us our profits as a business? Are you?'

'Well, no...'

'Exactly. Now go and fix it. Only fourteen allowed per year, company policy, and if-'

'But they're already packed, sir!' the balding worker cries with panic, secretly thinking about his after work adventure.

The box-checker waves his hands, the clip-board slipping dangerously in his sweaty fat fingers, 'Then you un-pack them!')

This No Spend month is seeing me be misunderstood in all the ways.

I say to Nanna at 6.30pm: 'So a friend and I are doing a 'no spend month' ... etc etc... lists rules of no spend..... etc etc... so we only buy the essential grocery because the aim is to live on what we need for basic nutrition without wasting money on junk foods like chips and cakes and packaged foods and all that.'

Nanna responds with: 'Oh but a treat once in a while is alright, you must treat yourself, you must.'

'Nope, not allowed.'

~Then coffee happens and she asks me how I take it.

I reply with the good old-fashioned: 'Oh any which way is fine, but no sugar and only half a teaspoon of coffee please.'

'Only half!'

'Yeah, time is getting on and I don't want to have coffee too late.'

Tips in coffee. Pours water. 'Oh, that looks revolting, look here.'

I say, 'Does it?' only half-halfheartedly interested because I'm doing the dishes and who cares what coffee looks like as long as it's fresh and hot. 

'Oh, you really are depriving yourself aren't you?' Gives me a look of pure and utter concern, the kind generally reserved for right before committing someone to Glenside.

I say, 'Nanna! I'm allowed normal amounts of coffee! I'm just going to bed soon!'

And I laugh and laugh, but the vibe is now out there, and it's a vibe of Nannerly protection wrapped around quiet misunderstanding and high doses of 'here she goes again'.

Keeping in theme with my no spending month, today I have once again gone out and purchased an item.

Yes!

How very fitting! 

I feel like someone will soon come up to me and shake me. 'YOU DON'T HAVE TO DISGUISE YOUR NO SPEND MONTH WITH ACTUAL SPENDING!' they will shout way too loud, way too close, with the necessary flying spit and overlong eye contact. 'JUST STAY AT HOME LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!'

Well, cheers for that. I've always wanted to see more of how many teeth strangers are missing.

But it is true, I did spend, and perhaps it's because I'm so focused on not spending that the universe is providing all these ways for me to spend as a personal jinx- or it could just be that I'm not very organised, I don't know, I'm not a keen spectator at my life with flag and face paint.

However, to be fair it was once again for the Womanly Way.

Damn that Womanly and her Way. 

So my allowance today has gone down to 4 - 2.40 (WW) = 1.60.

Well!

Hello loaf of bread that costs 1.50 and is actually made out of bit of sandpaper, glue and pumped air.

T_T

 

The good news is that I get paid tomorrow! This means I can buy that amazing bread above sometime between tomorrow and the 14th of this month and finally be able to eat toast for breakfast instead of reheated soup and bananas!

Life is looking up!

Songs today:

Any and all by Amanda Palmer.

Did somebody press the fast-forward button?

Day 5
Things I have learned and want to share with the world.

1. Water always helps. Always. Drink it if you don't need it, drink it if you do, and if you don't know what you want, choose water.

2. Find your place of calm zen and practice there daily. For me, this is writing out my budget, doing budgety things and things involving number crunching, calculator button pressing, future planning, house plan sketching, cookie eating, and coffee drinking. My love for coffee knows no bounds, so basically anything involving coffee at about 6-8am and 1-3pm in the day is where you will find me.

3. No matter what always rely on yourself. This sounds pretty straight forward doesn't it? It's like, 'What is she even talking about? Of course I rely on myself, who else takes me to work? Works at my job? Pays my bills, buys  my groceries, looks after my kids, clips my toenails?' PSHHH! WHAT A CRACKHEAD.
~ But all too easily we are taken in by people and end up running around after them, whether it be physically with constant one-sided visits or emotionally with too many thoughtful gestures that go unreturned and days spent crying by a rainy window.
DO NOT DO THIS. IT IS A HEALTH  HAZARD.
~ Even with family.
~ Even with work.
~ If anyone could straight up tell me how long every single person on this earth will live for, I would slap em twice and eat my hat. (All from shock, of course) But until then, we must always assume that we could die tomorrow, and why would we spend three hours today agonising over someone who couldn't care less about us or a situation that is out of our control?

• Control the things you can.    

Accept the things you can't.   

~ Throw the rest away, pee on it like that piece of dog wisdom, grow a tree, sit among the flowers and dream.

~ Dreams are all we have.

4. Clean and tidy spaces are the SHIT. Did I say oily organic peanut butter was the shit? I was wrong, or I was partly wrong, because organisation is TOP LEVEL SHIZ and OOPB is next level shiz, but they are both the big S nonetheless and should be included in the daily rituals of active living.

5. You Can Be your Best Self at Any Age. How old are you now? Where are you standing? Are you where you want to be, or going where you want to go? Is that a map in your hands? WHY NOT? HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO GET ANYWHERE WITHOUT A PLAN?? Get some paper, a pen, a quiet area, sit down and write every single thing that you want to do, buy, go, see, say, watch, create. Then take another piece of paper. Write your exact age on it. Write the days, the minutes, the very second of how old you are. Scrunch it up. Toss it in the bin. Go make a smoothie.

~ Age is only in the mind. Bar some physical and mental limitations you can pick any one of your dreams from out of thin air and proceed to the 'Exit Stale Life' checkout- but don't pay! This checkout is free! (Way to go checkout, Jolly Good of you!)

6. You can change your life at any age. Read step 5. for exact instructions.

7. Be a cat. Sleep as much as you can, wherever you can. Clean yourself often. Enjoy sunshine. Purr whenever somebody pats you on the head- even if it's only because you're small and forgot to wear your high top shoes.

Well! Now that my uplifting distractions have oozed into the hearts of man and energized the minds of many (or not, whichever), I have another confession!!

I have 100 per cent spent 8.00 dollars on instant coffee today, no lie or exaggeration! I'm not thrilled, and let me tell you, I searched high and low for the cheapest shitass coffee around. I searched and I searched- or maybe just glanced through each shelf in a state of exhausted despair at ONCE AGAIN being in a supermarket- and the cheapest coffee around that was a decent size so as to last me until the end of this challenge was Robert Timms Premium Granulated Coffee 200gms. 

Goodbye eight dollaryoooos, hello constant comfort in a world gone mad.

Peace and Love.

I actually went to the Library after work today (in a somewhat awed state of being. Is this sun supposed to be that high in the sky? Where are all these cars going? Why are there so many people out eating? Could it be only lunch time so late in the day? Oh wait, it is! Ahahahahah I have all the time in the world!!! And off to crazy town I ride on my horse) ... and realised that the fiction sections have all warped as though put through an experimental sizing machine. There used to be a whole bottom shelf dedicated to finance and only one third of a shelf dedicated to spiritualism, but now there is only one third of a shelf of finance and three shelves of cooking books with one and a half shelves full of 'How To Wine at Any Time', and four whole shelves dedicated to spirituality split into sections like Christianity and Paganism.

What the actual??

I thought to myself: 'Huh, this wouldn't have anything to do with the mass bombardation the public is getting of cooking tv shows, would it?' 'Censorship today' and 'So, like, where did all the finance books go?'
But I was too tired to bother asking anyone, so I just went home, made a coffee, sat on my bed and felt at one with all things.

So my running total to date is 12 dollars - 8 dollars = FOUR DOLLARS ARE YOU SHITTING ME!?

I reals don't think I will survive this challenge. Just the expense of Lady Time on it's own, I can not understand why I didn't factor that in. Because, let's all take a minute to understand something crucially crucial---

I did not even think about putting in a non-grocery allowance. You know, for things like toothpaste or clingwrap or shoe polish. I just went, 'Throw it all in! Who needs food? Live off love and air, I've always said, does wonders for clearing the sinus cavity. Who needs bandaids? Just wrap some toilet paper around the wound and fasten it with sticky tape, no better way to look like a wilting dweeb, yessiree!'

Holy Chrime, toilet paper. If my calculations are correct it'll be my turn in about two weeks, maybe one if I keep using it for wound protection.

Fasten your seat-belt, Cerri! It's going to be a bumpy two weeks ahead!

       _____

   --/--------\--

/^(>>___<< )^\

Are you wearing my waving gloves?

Day 3 & 4
Hello there! I have a confession!
I may or may not have bought womanly things and a packet of jatz today!
Ok. I did buy them, there's no may or maybe not, it's all real deal and it's all in my possession and I'm much better of for it- well, with the womanly things anyway.
Yesterday was a day of dramatic occurrences, so obscenely dramatic that I reached into my bag for my wallet to toddle off for the vending machine and buy a packet of chips (I'd decided on the chicken kind) only to find out I had left it at home.
One thing I hadn't prepared for on this No Spend month was working out in advance what food to take to work. The last two days I forgot to take bread out of the freezer, resulting in me standing in the kitchen at 5.12am trying to coax my brain into waking up so it could create a plan B.
My brain is not good at sorting through its immense paperwork so early in the morning.
It frowns at me as if I'm a naughty child that should know better.
"But you ARE me!" I yell inside my head."I'm only in this mess because YOU spend half your time throwing glitter around the place and gluing together broken gnomes instead of dealing with real-world problems, like figuring out exactly what is suddenly growing in my abandoned pot plant and cleaning out the mysterious objects under my bed!"

So as me and my brain made up over hot scones and really strong coffee later that day, I secretly enjoyed the fact that I had conveniently left my wallet at home, along with my car keys, which resulted in royal treatment not unlike that which the Queen must experience. That is: being driven around in a smooth, warm, and spacious car.

A lot of results happened, and they were all 10/10.
All the ten. All the time.

So that was ONE almost slip up.
And the problem still remains: I love bread as if it was my own child.
So much so that I eat it daily. DAILY. I never even knew this was wrong until someone once said that they were sick of eating so much bread, but payday was tomorrow and, fuck, what a shit tonne of full they felt. I thought maybe that was the reason why I felt a bit blahhh all the time.
Like, maybe give me some happenin' salad and I'll suddenly burst forth with mountains of energy. I tried cutting up cucumber, carrot, tomato, cheese and avocado in a container with a pear for dessert, and I did feel amazingly hydrated afterwards. There's something about eating moist foot people, and that something is worth knowing.
It's almost exactly like eating cold oats that have soaked overnight in water and blueberries with added Vaalia mango yoghurt. FUCK THE BLISS. I have never eaten a whole bowl of porridge before, in my life, but that morning I wanted seconds!
Seconds.
Has any food ever felt so rewarded than that which has been declared forth for MORE consumption?
Surely all food wants is to be eaten?
What a simple life some lead.

Okay. On to Day Four before I start confusing my jam-soaked brain. (TAKE A SHOWER, BRAIN, JEEZ. WHAT IS THIS, THE STONE AGE?)
What a day.
I must exclaim in the loudest of voices. Please, whatever you do, NEVER: work three double shifts in a row. I once did five, and I survived to tell the tale, but many were not so lucky. I still schedule in my support group once a month.
Nah, to be reals, it's actually not that bad! Working from 6am until 7pm isn't the worst case scenario in any job, when you boil it all down to the slime and eyeballs. The five was pretty manageable because some shifts were shorter, but man, being on your feet all day with only two breaks while the rest of the time you're flying through the halls, running at full pelt from one end of the corridor to the other just to get someone's toast to them before it turns cold, dishing out twenty meals at once for five tables, bending, reaching, walking, standing, smiling, waving, holding doors open, banging ice with a mallet... all these things and much, much more, creates a little hole in the soul of Cerri where her life force dribbles out.
But not really.
Her life force cannot dribble out because it is contained by sheer will.
SHEER WILL.
Someday, this Sheer Will will take form in the shape of a farm with cows and sheep and a goat all roaming around a little hobbit-cottage with smoke rising from the chimney.
If there is someone reading my blog who has NO IDEA about hobbit-cottages, or even just plain ol hobbit houses, then I suggest you PAUSE RIGHT NOW and acquaint yourself with the magic that is.

But back to topic!
Being magical and such meant that no money was spent today. Oh wait, I did buy the womanly things and jatz crackers.
Fuck I love jatz. I must be the only person in the entire world who LOVES them with such a passion, but there it is.
So those two items cost me 7.20, and I only bought the jatz because my shift was meant to finish at 3pm, but my boss told me to finish at 2.30 due to the reluctantcy of wanting to pay overtime (I assume) and by the time I got to the shop and bought the WT, I thought: 'What they hey, I might as well buy some snackeroos to tide me over as I won't get back until my shift starts again at 3.30'.

[I'm pretty sure that's not how No Spend works, but I'd rather deduct 7.20 from a fortnight's pay than get caught eating work food and given a warning, which I'm sure they record.]

To be honest- because this is a blog of my actual personal recordings- I'm getting real sick of No Spend and it's only day four. It could be because I'm also tired of working long hours. The struggle of trying to find cheap items, the hassle of comparing everything in the shop- not to mention time consuming-, the brief disappointed feeling I get when I actually want something that sits on top of whatever I'm feeling at the time that's making me want it so then I end up hunched forwards from the double weight, the guilt when I realise how much I actually spend on junk food and how often I want it, is all wrapped up in a loose ball of 'What The Actual Frick Frack Cerri?'
It sucks the joy right out of things, that's what it does.
It takes joy and smooths it out with an expensive iron so it's creaseless and steam-cleaned at the same time, slides the crisp joy into a glass photo frame, hangs in prime location in office wall, laughs at daily. Probably even taps on glass in an annoying way, just because.

OH MY GOD I FORGOT I HAVE TUNA AND KIPPERS IN THE CUPBOARD. HOLY MOTHER OF LOVE.

Also, I feel as though I am developing a cold.

So!
Jesus, can my money situation get any more confusing?
If I sort my spend-nothing-for-one-whole-month life out correctly, technically I spent my '19.20 on food last Thursday' according to day one, which is weird and ridiculous as No Spend started the day after. So, TECHNICALLY, I spent this weeks 19.20 on Father's day supplies and 3/4 box of jatz, which means that when I get paid this Thursday, I will have 19.20-7.20= 12.00.
Twelve dollareenos! Until next Thursday, when I will give myself that week's 19.20.
TWELVE DOLLARS UNTIL THE 14TH OF SEPTEMBER!!?? Fkuc me.

Ok, get your saving boots on Cerri! You can do this!! Smash this challenge to the floor! And sing the happy birthday song, and generally live life with bright balloons and cupcake-shaped hair clips and so on and so forth bright and bubbly peace amen.

(--__@)v

Can I unsubscribe now?

Day 2
You'd think that working a double shift would bring about the No Spend vibe more than ever because the restrictive hours of 8-2 then 4.30-7 basically mean staying at work from 8-7 and reading in between, and afterwards when the temptation to spend is high, oh! What's that? All the shops are now SHUT!? Because they shut at 5.30?
Bam.
Home, shower, hot drink, bed.
Heaven.

However, I remembered sometime during the day that mum had asked me the day before to bring dessert for father's day and that I had NO cake mix left. NONE. The best my brain could come up with was: 'I have five half-ripe bananas and possibly some flour, eggs, sugar, choc pineapple bites, and whatever else goes in banana cake/muffins'. And that sounded ok. Except that I didn't want to turn up to father's day with a weirdass banana cake. I wanted something chocolatey that I knew he'd like and appreciate even if it turned out gross.
So I went to the late-night IGA, and yes, the packet Chocolate Sinful Cake (or whatever) mix DID come out horrendous.
Ok, BACK UP.

~I found 10 dollars in my old uni backpack and that was JOY! I could now spend like never before! Then I crashed back down to earth with the funny sensation that I was forgetting this majorly important thing... which could have been the current no spending month I was on, but how can a girl be entirely sure when she's just won the lottery in her own workplace?
~Yay, ten dollarydoooos!
~Then.
~Shit. Dessert for ten dollars.
~And then.
~Fuck, my limit is 19.20, and I don't get that until this coming Thursday. (It's now Sunday).

So I ummed and ahhed and finally raced my hiney down to the IGA, after spending a good half of my between-shift time really wanting a chocolate bar from the vending machine and receiving strong support from my good friends. Thanks guys! And I stood in all the appropriate aisles, checked the prices and did the math and checked other prices and whined in my head over things, and just generally looked like I was about to rob the joint. The packet of cake mix had instructions on the back to make Black Forest Cake, and I thought 'THAT'S HIS FAVOURITE CAKE, OMG, YASSSSSS, I MUST DO THIS AT ONCE'.
RIP, old Cerri.
But this new Cerri also thought the same! Could it be true! Two Cerri's in total agreement? Well, better not delay the operation!
I ran around, ACUTELY aware of the time slipping by and how I still had to BAKE this  mother- which the packet said for a whole ONE HOUR, christ- and found cherries and cream and chocolate shavings and paid for it all and it all came to SEVENTEEN DOLLARS AND THIRTY-EIGHT CENTS.
17.38.
I wept way down in my heart when I paid, having come up with the idea to use the ten dollar note and some spare change in my wallet that added up to 21 something, as my this weeks 19.20.
Which meant that I now had 1.82 to last me until the end of this week.

(I still get confused about when I can actually use the 19.20 because I get paid on Thursday but the week ends on Sunday, and it would be nice to go splash my cash on Thursday instead of having to wit a few more days.)
Impatience gets things done people!
Anyway.
I baked the cake and the cake blossomed out over the too-small cake pan, falling into the bottom of the oven, looking like lava and taking up a lot of space in my camera folder, and generating good cheer all around as well as annoyance over scraping it all off and then despair at having to decorate and crumbly cake.
It was crumbly.
It was decorated.
I went to bed at midnight feeling like I should have just used the 21 something to buy a cake from the Cheesecake shop, or skipped the fancy Black Forest idea on the packing that is most likely only there to entice young innocent maidens such as myself to spend more money.

Happy Father's day!!

^_^

This hammer is for smashing things, yes?

Day 1
My computer is throwing a tantrum, so here I am in my bed on my phone damned with a super slow type processing, font that is too large or too small- there's no way to tell as it's all enormous compared to the page- spelling errors and autocorrecting spontaneously occurring with every three letters typed, and my elbows pointing in weird ways I never thought possible.

Well!! Petrol done for the week at 30 and I have to confess... It's been an emotional day. A fight with a friend, terrible night's sleep, no meals defrosting and no bread taken out, an almost car crash, and a failing laptop display driver all contribute to my 'NEED CHOCOLATE AND CHIPS NOW!!'
---And I did think vaguely about buying my usual ice cream at the servo because, well, my challenge has only just started, hasn't it? No one really cares if I have ONE ice cream... I can pay for it out of my grocery 19.20, couldn't I?
Or could I?
Wouldn't that technically mean I cheated because I spent my 19.20 for this week on coffee and fajita yesterday?
...
XD
Yes, it would. So no, I did not buy my beloved ice cream.
Instead I felt the health inside me grow to extreme heights! Push past the boundaries to new adventures! Burst forth through my arms and cheeks like thick branches in an old, dark oak tree and sprout leaves to attract nesting birds.
I have always wanted a pet.

So after the near- disastrous accident I thought 'Fuck This Shit' and ate the last 6 oreos in a quick succession with total enjoyment.

And seeing as how this phone blog version is an absolute NIGHTMARE to write with, I will take my leave.

8(>_<)8